Etched in Sand audiobook

I don't know where to start this review other than to say this isn't a book for the faint of heart. As a parent myself, there were parts of this book that were really hard for me to digest because I don't know how a person could care so little for their child, let alone five children. I really struggled through parts of this book because you want to think that things can't get any worse but you know that they will and they do. And it really just affirms my personal belief that you shouldn't be allowed to just have kids. It's been proven that just because you can doesn't mean you should. The story is basically the story of Regina and her siblings who have a mother who isn't just neglectful, but she's also abusive in her moments of actually being there, and these five kids are forced to become mini adults almost immediately. Whether it's trying to make every stop a home, searching for loose change, stealing food and other items to get by, and parenting each other- it's heartbreaking. What makes it worse is that you hope that child protective services would intervene but the kids don't want that because there is real danger in the foster care system. And you periodically hear news stories of foster care gone wrong but Regina's story highlights that it is a much larger problem than we maybe recognize. Some of the passages about the abuse her and her siblings sustained... horrifying. I mean, I can't even imagine the level of rage a person must have to do such things to a child. There are no words and quite frankly, it's a miracle they got out of it alive. I mean, to do the abuse their mother did, what was to stop her from going totally over the edge? The best part about this book is Regina and her overall triumph over her childhood. We all know a few people who have had a horrible childhood but instead of rising above it and recognizing that the past is the past, they dwell. Their entire lives are held back because it's all they can focus on. They lose perspective of what they could still be, the life they could still have, the good that is out there. Regina doesn't let her past get the best of her, instead she pursued her education and became a successful adult, a productive citizen, a beacon to others who are currently in a horrible situation. I absolutely loved this book, though it was difficult to read and I did cry in a few spots. I don't even know Regina, but I am absolutely proud of her and just... there are no words. Check out her Twitter, Facebook, or website to learn more about her and her book.

Reading this book is made tolerable only by the fact that the reader is informed in the Prologue that it has a happy ending—an example of survival beyond expectations from a horrendous childhood family environment. It makes a wonderful story when children from this sort of background are able to thrive as adults. I hate to consider how many examples may exist where children never manage to free themselves from the grip of poverty and abuse.Whenever I hear a story such as this I suspect that there must have been a mentor somewhere that gave the necessary boost to the youth that enabled their escape from the bad environment. There were several sources of help in this story but one in particular was the author's fourth grade teacher. People look but don’t see. Why?People hear but don’t listen. Why?People touch but don’t feel. Why?After I write a poem titled “Why?”, my fourth grade teacher, Miss Muse, suddenly seems to take a special liking to me. She asked me to read it to the class, and then invites the other teachers from our corridor to hear me recite it a second, third and fourth time. She begins to ask me when the other kids are busy, “How are things at home Regina?” The day I tell her I’m moving I’m stunned when her eyes suddenly fill with tears, “Promise me you’ll never forget that you’re special Regina.”“Special?” I usually get dirty, ugly, poor, bastard, gross, nasty, slut, rag doll and whore, but never special. Miss Muse continues telling me to always make sure I have a library card, that reading will help me wherever I end up. “Stay smart, stay sharp, and never ever stop reading,” she whispers into my ear. She hugs me so tight I think I might cry too. The author managed to achieve legal emancipation from her abusive mother at age fourteen. Her desire to also free her younger siblings gave her a goal to work toward. Obviously the author was blessed with significant abilities which helped her take advantage of opportunities. She managed to work her way through college, and later through law school.The following quote from her time in college offers an insight into what kept her going. The older I get the more I'm convinced I've suffered for a reason. It's a reason I don't know yet. But for all of my twenty years it's been circling me, a forecast of something mighty. There's no way a person could be born into disfunction, fighting to survive, and helping her family to do the same, without some purpose to give it all meaning. On the days that feel dark and endless I make myself a simple promise. I'll get out of bed in the morning, then I'll head up the hill to class. If I put one foot in front of the other, day by day, I'll move closer to the light at the end of all the struggle. This book reminds me of The Glass Castle. I can tolerate perhaps one book like this per year. But I'm haunted by the reminder of the existence of such poor family environments for some children.God have mercy. Here's a link to an article about the author Regina Calcaterra from Huffington Post by Maura Sweeney:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maura-s...Here's a link from the Hesston College website regarding Calcaterra's visit there. (I'm an alumnus of Hesston College)http://www.hesston.edu/2015/10/bestse...

Etched in Sand .... This book put me through the wringer, and I was just the reader. Regina Calcaterra shares with us the brutal, torcherous, and horrendous abuse she and her 4 siblings endured at the hand of the mother Cookie Calcaterra. I am not sure I have felt such intense hatred for a charachter in a book in my entire life. She was a viscous narcissist who in no way should have been allowed to have children, let alone five. What is refreshing about this memoir is Regina Calcaterra's voice. I believe her, I ached for her, I rooted for her, and ultimately I respect her. She never whined and made sure to care for her younger siblings as her older siblings did for her. I thank Regina for highlighting the truth about our Foster system. More so, I respect her for immersing herself in helping others who are in the position she was in. In the epilogue, she eludes to the fact that she is encouraging Rosie to tell her story, and I really hope she does. These 5 siblings show us to be grateful and hold on those who love us. One of the best lessons I have learned is to not waste your time crying over those you think SHOULD love you, and focus on the people who DO love you. I went Google crazy after reading this book and had to research everyone. I will root on these people and keep them in my prayers. This is an important and beautiful book.

Etched In Sand arrived yesterday- I was up into the wee hours of the morning to finish this beautifully written, compelling memoir. Regina Calcaterra, who is now a highly successful public advocate lawyer involved in NYS Government, courageously shares the painful, desperate world of her impoverished childhood in suburban Long Island. She is the middle child of 5 siblings of 5 different but absent fathers, who suffer the abuses of their mentally ill, alcoholic and drug addicted single mother. They are often homeless, hungry, abandoned for many weeks at a time, in and out of school as they move from place to place. Resilient, fiercely protective of each other, and remarkably wise scavengers, they discover means of survival independent of any parental support. Their mother "Cookie" is a violent, abusive obstacle that makes survival much harder as she spends the little money they acquire on her own destructive needs. The book exposes the inadequacies of our social and economic safety net, and highlights the vital role played public schools and libraries as safe havens and support. Regina Calcaterra opens our eyes to what is right in front of us and yet invisible due to indifference and ignorance. You will never again take your toothpaste and brush for granted.

Calcaterra tells a harrowing story growing up with an alcoholic, abusive and generally all- around despicable excuse of a human being for a mother. She and her four siblings are beaten, starved and do a better job of raising each other than when Cookie(they refuse to call her mom) stays home,. Fortunately for them she regularly abandons them for long periods of time. What I found particularly disheartening (view spoiler)[was how other family members, teachers, neighbors ANYONE never seemed to be able to help. The Social Workers seemed particularly inept. I understand how many have overwhelming case loads, but so often with this family they did more harm than good. Constantly siding with Cookie even with all the evidence???? (hide spoiler)]the miracle is how anyone could not only survive, but evolve to become a successful adult. Calcaterra's youngest sister who was separated from her siblings wrote her own story and I'd like to read that one as well.

Whenever I start to read a memoir about a difficult childhood, I think, well, it probably isn't going to be all that different from the others, and I'm invariably wrong. Each story is horrific and moving with a unique version of living hell. In Etched in Sand, Regina Calcaterra recounts in vivid, simple prose the misery and chaos she and her three sisters and a brother faced living with their brutal mother, and too often without her as for months at a time they would have to fend for themselves as she abandoned them. The older kids in turn had to become surrogate parents for their younger siblings, learning street survival, occasionally going into foster care with varying degrees of comfort. Equally stirring is Calcaterra's description of her attempts to identify and connect with her biological father who never acknowledged her and the story of the way she and her family of survivors dealt with adulthood. Her own successes are remarkable, a real testament to her will to overcome. Hopefully her life and Etched in Sand can let others in her situation understand that they are not alone and that life does not have to be defined by an unspeakable childhood. A must read.

I listened to this memoir, and as always I think having the author tell their story in their own voice really enhances the experience. I think the reason so many of us love reading these type of memoirs is because even though it shows us the worst of humanity it also shows us what children coming from these horrible experiences can achieve. It's so inspiring to think that a kid can be raised by such damaged parents/parent and still become a happy, well adjusted adult. For me the most stirring theme in this book was the deep love the siblings had for each other. I also really liked that Regina was a fighter - willing to do anything to escape their terrible situation, to be seen and to survive. The story: A prominent New York attorney's unsparing account of how she and her four siblings survived extreme abuse and neglect at the hands of their mentally ill mother.

Etched in Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island by Regina Calcaterra is the true story of the abuse and neglect the author and her siblings suffered through - at the hands of their mother and in a system that wasn't working as it should. Regina notes that her childhood made her very aware of how people in power can impact the lives of others and this knowledge helped lead her to her present day career in public service.Regina has two older sister, Cherie and Camille, and a younger brother and sister, Norman and Rosie. Regina makes it clear that their mother, Cookie, was a drunk who was always avoiding the cops. She abused and neglected her children, abandoning them for weeks at a time. She stole, wrote bad checks, and always had a series of warrants out for her arrest. While Cookie's "aim is to put in as little effort as possible to get what she can from whom she can, including the system (pg.31)" Regina (and her older sisters) wanted to keep themselves out of the system entirely.These children were in an impossible situation. With their mother there was rampant abuse and neglect for certain, but in the system (foster care) lurked other very real potential dangers. As I was reading this powerful memoir, I literally had to set the book aside several times. It was so frustrating to see a system that wasn't working or groups that were unable to work together or across state lines.It was encouraging and inspirational to see how Regina overcame the odds. As an emancipated teen in the system it certainly appeared that she would be lucky to escape from her childhood without any long term trauma. To see how hard and tirelessly Regina worked to overcome her background is a testimony to her determination. The determination she had to try and keep her siblings together or in contact with each other was touching.At the same time, Regina is trying to confirm that her father really is the man Cookie has always said is her father. He won't admit it is true but the evidence seems to confirm Cookie is telling the truth. It was good to see a conclusion to this question, although the fact that she had to ask it is heart-breaking.In Etched in Sand Regina writes about her childhood in the present tense with a simple straightforward honesty which makes the narrative feel more raw and tragic, if that is even possible. We know she survived this horrific childhood to become the successful adult she is today, but while reading about some of the abuse... oh.my.goodness. It's probably for the best that it is written in this manner, a recounting of the facts as she experienced them when a child.This is a well-written personal account of a woman who overcame a deplorable childhood. It might be difficult for some people to read about the abuse, but for those who can, the triumphant conclusion of Regina's story today will outshine the appalling facts of her childhood.Very Highly RecommendedDisclosure: I received a copy of this book from HarperCollins and TLC for review purposes.

Unbelievable. In a reading challenge I am doing for this site, I needed to read a book that featured SAND on the cover- I know, right? So, I thought that this one looked promising and the Kindle price was right. I am always interested in stories about the foster care system in America, as I see so many ways it can be improved upon- and I live in Canada! For this reason, I have always read the books of Cathy Glass, who writes about her experiences as a foster mom, and thought reading a book about this life from the CHILD'S POV, especially one not affiliated with Glass and her stories, and especially with 5 siblings in the mix would be a good fit for me; and thus, I could meet my challenge requirement. What I did not expect was a harrowing tale of a mother who neglected her kids for weeks at a time, was a hardcore alcoholic that inflicted horrible abuses upon her kids, and the amazing writing talent of Regina Calcaterra, which kept me up all night, unable to sleep until this book was finished. Perhaps to SPITE her upbringing, Calcaterra became a lawyer, has worked for the Senate and works for programs that help out foster kids that 'age out' of the system. I learned a LOT about 'the system' from this book, as well as reading a page-turning, compelling story of the bonds between siblings. Great stuff, and a wonderful find! I love when that happens, don't you? --Jen from Quebec :0)

Heartbreak, abuse, and a broken system are what you find in this book. Though it is Regina who tells her story, she has 4 other siblings who share a horrible life as well. A mother's favoritism and selfishness leave her children mentally and physically hurt. A "mother" who is a drunk and uses her body to get what she wants, takes her children on a journey that will change them forever. Yes, in the end, they come back to each other and find a way for all 5 siblings to be a family again, but the price they pay to get there is dreadful. The system has failed these children several times and does not have to answer to the harm they caused. To barley help foster kids, and when they do, cut them off at 18 or 21 just to be alone again is saddening. This families story is a lot to read but it does make you reflect on so much. Who we are as people and how selfish we can be. How we lack to contribute or do the bare minimum to help ourselves feel better. "We're poor. We have no connections and even fewer resources, and we've learned to not trust anyone who says You can trust me. We've had to put our faith in the people who treat us coldly, who attempt to prey on our vulnerabilities and take advantage of us; but in the end, no one can really save us from our own hard reality. Every single one of us has had to climb out of our childhood and help ourselves". - Regina Calcaterra

It is absolutely amazing how the author of this book and her siblings rose above their tragic childhood! They lived their lives with a damaged mother who's contribution was to give birth to them then often leave them to fend for themselves, a flawed system that continued to fail these children and society's ability not to see what was happening to them! They experienced so much damage, mentally and physically from those closest to them, yet they have grown up to be so much more than their background! I am sure each one of them must still carry many of the scars from their nightmarish past, yet they have decided to allow life not to be based on the nightmares of their past, but the opportunity and right to the joys of the future! Hat's off all of them. This had to have been a very difficult book for the author to write. Revisiting a horrid past can be almost as damaging as living it! I hope her telling sheds more light on the needs of so many children! Many live right under our noses who are experiencing verbal, mental and physical abuse. As these children did, they are afraid to tell for fear of being separated from their siblings, punished or other reasons so they carry the abuse in silence. Thank you Regina for giving a voice to, not only your siblings and yourself, but to thousands of children in need of love, proper care and the rights to the basic needs of life!

Though grim, this story plays as a reminder that even one kind adult in a child’s life can impact them in an enormous way. Based on her life as a child, Regina and her siblings struggle to survive homelessness and the brutality of a series of unfortunate foster homes. With an unstable mother, this story accounts for her upbringing in Lower Manhattan. Regina perseveres despite the odds yet encounters the unhappiest of situations along the way: neglect, violence, abuse, and near starvation. “It seems like every few months we get a new social worker, so it’s not surprising when a new lady shows up to get Norm and me.” This is a quick read and moving memoir. Note that it does include some disturbing scenes. Still such a tear-jerker though! I loved this book and highly recommend it.

What an inspiring bring things into perspective book! First of all, Regina, thank you for rising above your horrible upbringing and being strong enough in the end to tell your story.Growing up in NJ, so close to NY, I never heard of this horrible woman who not only had 5 children but then refused to be a mother to them. The conditions these children grew up in are incredibly horrific. I wish this mother was still alive to read her "daughters" story and to see what a monster she was. This book is definitely one of the best I have read!

Regina Calcaterra's powerful memoir, Etched In Sand, begins with her flying over the ravaged neighborhoods of Long Island following the hurricane, Super Storm Sandy. As chief deputy executive of Suffolk County, it is Regina Calcaterra's job to regulate, not just post-disaster funding, but any government resources her county receives. Calcaterra's career in public service is not accidental; growing up with four siblings and an abusive, neglectful, alcoholic mother and an ineffective foster child system, Regina was determined to make a difference. Despite the extreme poverty and constant abuse from her mother, a fragmented education and unpredictable housing, Regina was able to help raise herself, and her siblings, to become stable adults and parents. The story as to how Regina grew up to be the person she is today is candidly written and absolutely heartbreaking.Regina and her older sister, Camille, were the true parents of the five children. Every time their mother, whom they all called Cookie, found subsidized housing in either a cockroach-infested house or even an apartment above a glue factory, they knew it was only a matter of time until the landlord would kick them out for not paying rent. Traveling from house to house using garbage bags to carry their clothing, a bottle of hydrogen peroxide to finger brush their teeth, a half bar of soap to wash themselves and their dishes, the girls were always on the alert to sneak out in the middle of the night when threatened with eviction. As most of their welfare checks went towards paying for Cookie's beer and cigarettes, the children learned how to shoplift food and live off of the kindness of strangers. And, sadly enough, whenever Cookie would eventually abandon them, sometimes for weeks at a time, the children found these days to be the most stable and enjoyable.Cookie was a pill-popping, promiscuous alcoholic with five children from five different men. Her only son, Norman, was rarely the subject of her abusive tirades that included calling her four daughters "whores' and "sluts". Cookie would beat the girls, but for reasons then unknown to Regina, she received the more brutal and most constant abuse. Cookie even tied the four year-old Regina to a radiator for days. These parts of the book are disturbing and heartbreaking and make the reader wonder how Regina grew up to be the successful woman we are introduced to in the beginning of the book.Knowing that if child protective services became aware of the neglect and abuse, and consequently separated into different foster homes, the children learned how to hide the bruises and effectively lie to teachers or social workers about their obviously absent mother. The foster system thirty years ago was inefficiently managed and the social workers were unbelievably incompetent. There were times Regina endured beatings, even sexual abuse, from some of the foster families. And when the children are finally taken away from Cookie and separated into different homes, Regina is able to become an emancipated minor at age fourteen. But then she learns the heartbreaking truth she no longer has any say as to what happens with her younger brother and sister.As I was reading this book, I was frequently reminded of Jeannette Wall's memoir, The Glass Castle. Though Walls did not suffer any mental or physical abuse from her parents, they did share the same nomadic, unstable childhood of extreme poverty and hunger. The scene in Walls' book when, driven by hunger, she eats ate a cheese sandwich from the school garbage can is similar to Regina Calcaterra's dumpster diving and shoplifting in desperation to feed her four siblings.Throughout Etched In Sand, the readers are able to see how Regina was able to keep herself and her siblings educated, sane, and loving. Fiercely determined to prevent other children from suffering the same experiences, Regina stays in school and becomes the first in her family to graduate from college. Her career in public service is driven by her experiences and dedication to make a difference.Etched in Sand is written from the heart. It is disturbing, but uplifting, and it is a story about survivors of abuse, neglect, hunger, ineffective social work programs and the foster system in America. How these five children survived and eventually thrived is a story that must be told.

This title was masterfully authored by Regina Calcaterra, who is a prominent lawyer, New York State government official, and activist for children's rights. First and foremost, this is a true-life memoir of hope and inspiration. This book brings to light the heart-wrenching account of Calcaterra's indigent childhood, the complete failure of her mother to care for her and her siblings, but also the failure of the foster care and social services system that is called upon to manage such children. Regina and her four siblings survived an abusive and painful childhood only to find themselves faced with challenges of strife and intermittent homelessness in the back alleys of Manhattan and Long Island.I was appalled, outraged, and amazed while reading this book, seeing glimpses into the shadows of an underworld that I have fortunately never witnessed myself. How the five Calcaterra children survived the abuse and utter neglect but ultimately evolved into well-rounded adults is difficult to comprehend. Not only did their parents (and some foster parents) fail them, but also the governmental systems designed to prevent such circumstances. They endured unimaginable and brutally compromising situations to survive life and to remain above water, let alone just locating enough food with which to sustain themselves on a daily basis. They were constantly uprooted and on the move, living in cars, abandoned buildings, or even sometimes completely homeless, while experiencing a life far beyond what any normal child should deserve--rudimentary needs such as parental organization, a regular school schedule to attend, basic transportation, prepared meals, or any similarity of a stable home life with water, gas and electrical utility services. Etched in Sand chronicles Calcaterra's reaching above her past while, as a true leader, fighting to keep her brother and three sisters together through it all. This is a well-written true-life story of a ragged poor girl ultimately evolving into an educated, driven, and accomplished attorney in New York City. Wonderfully written, while heartbreakingly sincere, this non-fiction is an extraordinary testament that irrespective of social status, success is still attainable for anyone with the grit and determination to succeed. This title is recommended for anyone that requires a reality check to understand what is truly important in life, or for anyone who needs inspiration enough to understand what can be done to reach the stars. The review by Courtney Allen, author of Down from the Mountain and Orange Moon.