Faking Normal audiobook

trigger warning for self-harm & rape.This book was great. I wasn't expecting to love it as much as I did. I'm really surprised this book isn't talked about much in the booktube community. I think my favorite part of this book was the bond that developed between Alexi & Bodee. It was incredible seeing two people who have been through so much come together and help each other heal. I did have one issue, but it's kind of spoilery so I'll discuss it more in my video review for this book. Overall really enjoyed this one and will DEFINITELY be picking up more of Courtney's books in the future.

Something is hiding in my childhood. Something Off.This book literally scared me. I had foreseen Faking Normal having many possible effects on me but fear really wasn't one of them. And the worst part? This book doesn't have any monsters in the traditional sense. No demons or things that go bump in the night. Not even any serial killers or psychopaths. The scary things in this book are the memories that people forget over time. The kind of memories we push below the surface and force ourselves to hide away. What don't we remember from our early childhoods? What horrors did our minds automatically repress to shelter us from dealing with reality? Why are we like we are - could there be an answer hidden deep inside us, a long-forgotten memory that haunts us subconsciously? There are so many books about sexual abuse in its various ugly forms. I'll be honest and say I imagined this book would be yet another poor version of Speak. The two do have many similarities: both are about teenage girls who feel unable to talk about their horrific experience. They both have a lot to deal with internally as well as externally and the ultimate theme of both is about gaining an understanding of why many victims feel unable to report what has happened. But, that being said, Alexi's story felt fresh and unique. The author's approach to the subject was different from Anderson's and touched upon elements of child psychology as well. The two girls' reasons for not reporting the crimes also differ. Then there's the other part of this story.You know, if you'd asked me to draw my perfect guy as a kid, I would have drawn you a cliche. He would have been a stereotype: tall, white (or orange crayon most likely), dark hair, good-looking in a generic way. But we learn as we get older that fantasies don't hold up in reality. We never want the person we thought we would and we never ever want the person who the world thinks we should. From the heavy metal-loving loner who I watched anime with in high school, to the only Pakistani guy who talked to me in English at the fast food place where I got my first job, to the nerdy guy with the glasses who gave me his copy of Crime and Punishment to read in college. The cliched fantasy is never what we want or need. The person we want in the end is the one we want for all the reasons you can't draw on paper. And that's what Alexi Littrell starts to realise in this story.I do have criticisms and the book might have got five stars otherwise. There was some casual slut-shaming that annoyed me with the character of Maggie playing the role of the throwaway "slutty" girl who is the butt of many jokes. One thought of Alexi's is: "it's too cruel to tell Maggie her dating practices don't lead to roses", because she's apparently been around a bit. She also deserves to be used and her feelings are not considered. This is a conversation that's had when Heather's boyfriend cheated with Maggie:"Maggie. But she... why would he do that?"I give her a look. "Maggie, Heather. She was there," I say.It was just such an unnecessary addition to an otherwise really good novel. One thing I will say and I think it's important to note, I was a little confused about the use of the word "rape" in this novel for a large part of it, but my questions were answered in the end. For once I would say stick with it if you're unsure. This is a very real spoiler, please do not click unless you've read the book: (view spoiler)[Before it was revealed who the real rapist was - and it became a case of statutory rape - it didn't seem like Alexi had been raped at all. As she said herself, she willingly had sex with him and then afterwards wished she could have made herself say no. For a long time, I had really conflicted feelings about it. (hide spoiler)]The term irritates me, but this novel is very much a coming-of-age tale. It's about leaving fantasy behind and facing reality. Facing the truth. Facing your fears. And growing up. There are many mysteries to be solved in this book and each revelation is like leaving a little bit of childhood behind. It's incredibly powerful. And sad. You should read it.["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>["br"]>

Rape books are numerous, at least I've read my fair share. They come in all shapes and sizes, giving us tragic stories of broken lives and emotionally crippled victims. Faking Normal may be one of the bunch, but it's one that stands out in its importance in showing one of the worst faces of rape: the one that goes wrongfully blamed, the one with circumstances that make the victim think it's excusable. He was hurt, he said. Lonely, he said. Since she didn't straight up say no, does it make it okay? Did Alexi "let it happen", making it her fault? Even though she obviously was not saying yes? For months, now, Alexi has been punishing herself, justifying the abuse that has been haunting her ever since. Haunting her to the point of self-harm and sleepless nights filed with compulsive behavior. Not only is this story incredibly well written and poignant, but it sheds some light on one of the most misunderstood and controversial of crimes. Unsurprisingly when we meet Alexi she's a mess. She's psychologically traumatized, feeling ashamed and dirty for having let that happen to her. I found this saddening and incredibly frustrating as this is an all-too-common scenario. It made me truly feel for Alexi, wishing she would stop, but also understanding her state of mind. The characterization is excellent, which is so important in these kinds of novels. Every character is crafted with a strong personality, allowing them distinct voices. Alexi, even with a fractured interior, is peppered with your normal teenage romantic fantasies and snort-worthy commentaries. Bodee is undeniably top book boyfriend material. He's equally broken but so kind, so generous, so real. I fell in love with his Kool-Aid hair and protective nature. I also welcomed the largely present girlfriend characters that add friendship to the many positive elements this book holds - like family and music, the latter playing an especially important role in Alexi's ability to find strength. The plot itself, along with the emotional baggage, involves unraveling the details of the secret Alexi is keeping locked tight. I did suspect who her abuser was fairly early on, seeing right through the tactics used to try and sway us into another direction. But guessing it wasn't a disappointment, exactly, as this is not the kind of book written for epic twists - that's not what this is about. On the happier side, we have another mystery regarding the identity of Captain Lyrics who's been conversing with Alexi through lyrics on a school desk, often perfectly matching her mood. This person, through these lyrics, becomes a kind of psychological sanctuary for Alexi. Another happy note is the romance which makes its presence known throughout the book, but not overwhelmingly so. It's a very sweet romance that grows between two unlikely people who give each other the strength and courage they need. A story of abuse and recovery; Faking Normal is a gripping and emotionally stirring read about a victim who's wrongfully blaming herself. It is not, however, an emotional abyss of a read. It's actually very well-balanced. Most importantly, it's stories like this that help in changing the often misconstrued way of thinking that rape is ever justifiable.--An advance copy was provided by the publisher for review.For more of my reviews, visit my blog at Xpresso Reads

**Just as good-if not better-than the first time** Re-reading all my absolute favorites from 2015!!! Now it's time for Bodee

Another important YA contemporary that deals with mental health issues as consequences of a dark, painful event that happened in the major characters’ lives. Both Alexi and Bodee carry with them a burden that’s haunting and almost ruining their lives and all they had for comfort was each other. The only difference between them is Alexi’s demon is an ugly, dark secret she wants to hide in her closet while Bodee’s is out in the open for everyone to scrutinize. The story is written in the POV of Alexi setting the tone of the story whivh oozes sadness and pain as she tries to fake normal every day in fear of becoming the object of everyone’s pity or worse, judgment and at the same time, worrying that outing her secret could ruin the life of the person who ruined hers. But even though the entire narrative is laced with a general mood of sadness, the plot also gives the reader things to enjoy like the mystery behind Captain Lyric and the mystery behind the culprit that kept me as a reader wide awake. One of the subjects of the story is how a rape victim sometimes opts to keep what happened to her a secret believing that the person who did this crime to her is inherently a good person who was only paralyzed by a moment of weakness and was later regretful of his actions. But just the fact that he did it at all means he has to answer for his crime no matter how supposedly a good person he is and no matter how much he regrets his actions. It’s a sad truth but sometimes the people you expect to protect you are the ones with the greatest potential to hurt you and there’s no other way to recover from what was lost but to let them answer for what they did, to speak up against them and remind yourself that you may not be able to get back what was lost but you could try and live your life anew.

Trigger warnings for this book: rape, self-harmI almost put this book down, and I'm so happy that I didn't. Although I mentioned it's very similar to Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, I like this one a little bit more. Toward the beginning of the book, I was annoyed with Alexi because she had so many opportunities to come clean to her friends and family, but didn't. Then I realized: that's the point of this book. To show the fear and the feeling of being trapped between keeping secrets and being sexually abused. Only a few times was I annoyed with Alexi, and that was when 1) she defended her friend's ex for cheating and 2) she started to get an attitude for revenge near the end of the book, and I think that was a really unhealthy way to portray coping with feelings during recovery. Nevertheless, I think the entire friendship arc between Bodee and Alexi is the best I've read in a long time. Bodee was an AMAZING character and the way that the two supported each other and taught each other to cope was extremely realistic, heart-warming, and well written. Overall I really enjoyed this book and though the writing wasn't anything special, nothing in it was sugar-coated and it's a very frustrating yet realistic look on a topic that's sometimes hard for me to read about.

This was such a painful yet powerful book. Even tho it can be difficult to read at times because of the subject matter, it's a very well-written story that tackles an extremely important topic. I applaud the author for writing this book and talking about how the subject matter can affect people in so many ways. “Bravery comes one day at a time.”This book follows Alexi Littrell, who experienced a traumatic event over the summer and is still suffering from it. The only ways she can cope are hiding in her closet, counting the slats in the air vent and scratching the back of her neck. However, her life suddenly changes when Bodee Lennox, the 'Kool-Aid Kid', moves in with her family after a family tragedy. The two become friends and begin to help each other with their challenges- Alexi giving Bodee the strength to deal with his past and Bodee helping Alexi summoning the courage to find her voice and speak out about what happened to her.“But today is better than yesterday. And this hurt is still a hole in me, but it's a shrinking hole.”I could kinda tell this would be a 'sad/difficult' book going in, but I still didn't expect it to be this hard-hitting. Faking Normal can be incredibly hard to read at times and reading about the pain of both Bodee and Alexi broke my heart. I actually cried multiple times while reading this, which I barely ever do. It's such a painful, painful book.But it's also a very important one. The subject matter is one that is very much present in today's society and it's one that I'm sure affects many, many people. I have personally not experienced what Alexi experienced, and I don't know anyone who experienced that, but that made this even more important for me to read. This book gives incredible insight on the topic and shows a lot of ways that it can affect someone's life. Reading books like this can be hard, as I've said before, but it is VERY important.I also just think that Faking Normal was really well-written. The writing is super easy to read and Bodee and Alexi both feel like real people. The book is short, but packs a punch, and I think the writing, the characters and the way the story unfolds were all done really well. Even without the issues it talks about, it's a really good book.Overall, such an important book to read. It sheds light on a very painful topic, but still gives hope that it's possible to recover. I'd definitely recommend it, but highly suggest that you check the trigger warnings first. ~ 4 starsTrigger warnings (what I picked up): rape, self-harm, murder (mentioned)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This was painful and heartbreaking, yet also beautiful and uplifting. I cried multiple times 💔💔Going to need to think on this for a while before I review it.... so rtc.

Lately, I’ve grown very cynical. At least when it comes to Young Adult Contemporary. It’s no secret that I am constantly let down by this genre, my expectations of the reality it will expose shattered by over-used tropes, love triangles, and an ironic dose of the unreal. When Faking Normal fell into my hands, it was with little, or no, expectations at all that I cracked open its spine. Stevens’s debut already seemed a little too familiar; the girl on the cover, the gorgeous font, the too damaged protagonist. And, in many ways, Faking Normal is not a new story. It’s not meant to be, though. Instead, Faking Normal is the novel I’ve wished so many preceding titles could have been and, in my eyes, to finally tell a story the right way, without romanticizing a traumatic situation, is more profoundly moving than anything else.Sadly, the first thing to stand out to me about Faking Normal is the fact that the main character, Alexi, and her two best friends, Liz and Heather, discuss sex. Extensively. And in a manner that is utterly nonchalant, proving how perfectly normal this occurrence is. For a novel that deals with rape and domestic abuse, it says a lot about this genre that a healthy discussion about sex with girlfriends is what stands out. Needless to say, it’s a rarity in this genre, though it should not be. Stevens never shies away from the plethora of “taboo” topics that girls discuss and, frankly speaking, the friendship between these three girls is refreshing. First and foremost, it is honest and real, never sugar-coating the complex relationships among these teens and, most importantly, treating their hurdles as insignificant. Although Alexi, Liz, and Heather all have their own set of stereotypes associated with them, as the novel wears on and secrets are revealed, it is proven that no one – and especially no one girl – fits the label she is given and that is okay. I find that this is a universal theme that truly needs to be emphasized more often, especially with modern-day media selling girls as one type or another. As the layers to these three friends are slowly peeled back, the raw truth is all the more beautiful as it arrives hand-in-hand with acceptance.Nevertheless, while friendship is certainly a strong, and prevalent theme, throughout the novel, the bulk of Faking Normal deals with the trauma that Alexi and the boy-next-door, Bodee, have faced. When Bodee’s father murders his mother in a violent situation of domestic abuse, Alexi’s parents invite Bodee to live with them, particularly as Alexi and Bodee’s mother were best friends. While Alexi doesn’t know what to think of the Kool-Aid Kid whose hair is a different color every day, she learns to trust him as he recognizes the scabs on the back of her neck and keeps her secret. Both Alexi and Bodee, however, are unable to own up to the darkness inside of them. For Bodee, turning his father in seems like a no-brainer, but is surprisingly difficult. And for Alexi, even accepting the fact that she was raped this past summer – by someone she knew and trusted, no less – is even harder.It is evident, throughout the novel, that Alexi is hurting; blaming herself for the rape, feeling an immense amount of guilt, and ultimately hating her perpetrator for stealing her virginity – something that she should have had the choice to give away. With her friends, Liz and Heather, discussing their own sexual encounters and first-times, Alexi cannot help but feel even more dirty and contaminated by her circumstances. In Bodee, however, she finds a true friend. Although Alexi and Bodee never become true confidants until much later in the novel, they help each other cope with their respective traumas. Bodee, for instance, attempts to wean Alexi off of the habit of picking at the skin on her neck just as Alexi tries to help Bodee feel safe enough so that he doesn’t feel the need to do pull-ups underneath the bed. Stevens writes Faking Normal with such skill and poise that it is difficult to imagine this being only her first novel. Not only is her prose lilting and easy to lose yourself in, but it is sparse when needed and the words capture the raw emotions of these teenagers in a way nothing else possibly can. Although Bodee’s growth and hurt is only briefly touched upon throughout the story arc, we truly manage to delve inside Alexi’s head and heart, feeling her pain and sorrow and loneliness. While Alexi, unlike Bodee, still has her entire family with her, she is close with neither of them, least of all her sister Kayla whose dominating personality has always overshadowed her own. Thus, the relationship that blossoms between Bodee and Alexi, one of trust and friendship, carries so much weight throughout the novel. Moreover, the subtle romance that occurs between the two is understated, but heart-felt. For me, the best part is that the words “I love you” are never uttered – it doesn’t need to be. Faking Normal is so much more a story about the heavy weight and comprehension of complex emotions than the words that make them up, which is beautiful. Stevens’s debut is a raw, gritty, and often brutal contemporary. None of the relationships in this novel are simple and the path towards healing is constantly a challenge, one step back for every two steps forward. It isn’t a dark, or even heavy read, however. Filled with the bustle of daily high school life, flirty jocks, and even a mysterious desk-writer nicknamed “Captain Lyric,” Faking Normal manages to be wildly entertaining, all while touching upon serious subjects in a poignant manner. I am, rarely, impressed by Contemporary YA, but this novel is worth every penny. I hardly need to say it, but if I do, then pre-order this one at once – it’s going to be a definite favorite this year. I can just tell.You can read this review and more on my blog, Ivy Book Bindings.

As you guys know, I'm a HUGE fan of this book, and I need you guys to read it. If you haven't yet, US readers can win a signed copy of Faking Normal on the blog, courtesy of the amazing Courtney Stevens! I don't read a lot of novels that deal with serious issues because they make me question my faith in humanity. But then I saw some raving reviews for this one from reviewers I trust, and I couldn't help but add it to my wishlist. I picked it up as soon as I found it in the bookstore.After reading this one, I think it'll be one of those books that just sticks with you for a while. The emotional and powerful writing will really draw you in. And once you've been lured into the book, you'll be surprised at how well-developed the characters are--each story they share has depth and much meaning.I'll admit: I went into this one expecting a damaged girl to be comforted by a cute and lovable guy. While that idea was present in the story, what I got was so much more. Both characters had their own stories to tell, lives to fix and problems to deal with. They were both damaged and scarred, and they needed each other.Alexi was a wonderful heroine. Now, that doesn't mean she's perfect. She was quite the opposite, actually. She tore at her skin to mask the emotional pain she felt and closed her mind and heart to basically everyone.  But she was very considerate of everyone, no matter how much they've hurt her, despised her or made her life harder. She was broken in more ways than one, but she accepted it. She tried her best to move on, even if she knows that it's emotionally impossible.Normally, I have issues about girls not immediately voicing out their abuses, but Alexi's ways of dealing and reasons for keeping to herself were just so realistic that I didn't have a problem with her silence.Then we have the freaking amazing Bodee. Trust me, this is one character you'll need in your life. Despite having his own problems that he needed to deal with, he supported Alexi whenever he could, however he could. He was the best friend anyone could ever ask for. He stood up for her and constantly thought about what would be best for her. He was like this huge teddy bear that you could tell all your problems to without it judging you!The romance was just so fantastic. It was slow, and there was so much room for development that was all filled up nicely. They went from being strangers, to friends, to best friends, and then to something much more. It was sweet and just absolutely lovely to read about.This part of the review may contain minor spoilers. The only reason I didn't give this one five stars was probably because of how rushed the "coming out" seemed to me. I thought the dealt to quickly with the problem and let the culprit (who was an easy guess, honestly) just, well, go. I get why they probably don't want to harm him, but still. He was an ass and he deserves some jail time.Overall, this was such a powerful read that brought out so many emotions: "kilig," as we Filipinos would say, love, strength, hatred, frustration and basically all of the other emotions out there. I would recommend it to almost anyone looking for a read that will crawl its way into your heart.

I wanted a little more from the resolution of the "issue" that plagued Alexi, but I definitely can live with how it ended. It wasn't something that killed the book for me, and it's likely that the reason it bothered me is because of my own personal conflict.I loved this so much, especially the author's prose and how much I was able to connect to the heroine. I'll post my full review closer to the pub date, but I definitely think you should put this on your TBR list. It cracked my chest wide open, but it was a story that felt real and very close to me. It won't be for everyone though because of the heavier subjects it deals with throughout the novel.Edited for full review on November 20, 2013. (Please to be excusing my wordy, quote-hoarding ways.)My original review for this title can be found HERE on The Book Hookup.**Special Note:** An e-ARC of this title was provided by the publishers via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review. However, that did not influence this review an any way. All thoughts, quotes, and opinions will be of this galley and not from the published version.♥ Initial Thoughts and Rating: 5 glowing stars! At one percent, I updated my status on Goodreads with this, “Oh, man. This one is going to crack my chest wide open, isn’t it? *puts on a brave face*” If only I had known how true that update was going to be. This book made me run the gamut of feels and I’d like to think that I came out on the other side of Faking Normal with a better understanding of what it truly means to be brave. Courtney Stevens is an author whose future works I’ll definitely be on the lookout for in the years to come.*TRIGGER WARNING:* This book deals with quite a few heavier, more sensitive subjects. There are mentions of spousal abuse, sexual assault, and self-injury.♥ The Lowdown: Alexi Littrell is in an everyday war with herself. Face forward, act normal, appear normal, be normal. After an event from the summer leaves her questioning everything she knew about safety and love, Lex gets really good at faking normal. She has everyone fooled except for Bodee Lennox, who is no stranger to the monsters that hide in plain sight. These two may inspire one another to face their own personal truths, but inevitably find that they had the strength to fight their own battles in themselves all along.For me, Faking Normal is the story about being honest with one’s self and finding the courage you might not have known was hidden inside yourself at the darkest of hours and learning to confront your demons when the timing is right. But it’s also about understanding that even when you feel like the entire world is against you or that no one will understand, that there is always someone- or maybe even a few someones- that will have your back and help you fight your battles. You are never alone, no matter how lonely you feel.That’s a forever change. I never understood how life could be so dramatically sectioned, but it can. And is. There is only after. And before.–quote taken from my eARC of Faking Normal at 2%♥ My Thoughts: I WILL NOT SPOIL THIS BOOK! I read this book three or four months ago and I have literally opened this review post no less than a hundred times since then. Yet, each time I would exit back out because I just didn’t feel like I had enough words or even the right words to perfectly summarize how this book made me feel… which is nothing short of everything. Faking Normal seriously felt like it took all my emotions– happiness, hurt, love, loss, understanding, self-worth, bitterness, anger, giddiness, fear, loathing– and tossed them in the air and let them scatter and fall all around me. In the end, though, I was left with a sense of calm hopefulness, my heart filled with a love for characters like I haven’t experienced after a book in quite some time.Sadly, I know not everyone will connect to this story or even understand Alexi, and that kind of breaks my heart. They won’t understand her struggle and won’t quite grasp how harsh her reality is and exactly why she struggles with her secret instead of just telling. In certain situations, the line between what is right and wrong can get a little muddled, and it’s not as easy for a person to see that it is wrong, only that it maybe feels wrong, especially when you’re right in the middle of it. I, however, connected with her on a personal level, and I appreciated the depth and honesty in which Ms. Stevens handled hers and Bodee’s situations. Often times when authors use these raw, grittier issues as a plot point in their novels, it’s easy to feel like they’re using a story so close to my heart as a way to sell books or for that “wow” factor. Some do it well and you can tell they’ve at least put in the effort to research all the ways a person can be affected by such a traumatic event, but even then, it feels like it lacks those little extra details to make me a true believer in the story they’re trying to sell me. (I can spot a bullshit story a mile away, just saying.) However, Stevens gave me a novel that never felt trite, and I believe that had everything to do with her not giving us a cookie-cutter ending and trying to put pretty decorations (a steamy romance) on a crumbling cake (a girl and a boy trying to keep their head above water). She gave this story-line all the attention it required to make the heartache, conflict, and Alexi and Bodee’s blossoming relationship believable.Not only does the author give us an exemplary contemporary novel, but she writes these delicate subjects with such an elegant prose that you can’t help but feel the emotions and a magnetic pull to the story. Her writing paints a picture that makes the emotions palpable and effortlessly tethers the reader to the ache at the center of the characters’ pain. Here are a few examples:“But that’s too close. Too soon. Right now we’re both yard sales of emotions. A penny for pain. A dime for bitterness. A quarter for grief. A dollar for silence. It binds us together, but I don’t want him to pay the price for the parts of me that are used and broken. And that’s what the dance would be.”–quote taken from my eARC of Faking Normal at 24%______________________________________“The power of Bodee is in the way he reads me, sees through me, and then understands the truth behind the facade. He’s the guy who can walk straight through the House of Mirrors on the first try. It’s almost annoying. No one should ride tragedy like a pro surfer while I drown.”–quote taken from my eARC of Faking Normal at 29%♥ Swoons: Bodee has a way of making normal, everyday occurrences and words seem swoony, and I’m not quite sure how he does it, to be honest. There’s a quiet gentleness and ease to his swoons that I’m sure only he could provide. Needless to say, I heart him. “Because Bodee slept in his sneakers, because Bodee asked for a kiss instead of just taking it, and because he kept space between us. And he danced with two fingers until I asked for three or four… and his hand on my hip.I know we’re still broken. Both of us. But Bodee’s got the glue to make us whole.He is love.”–quote taken from my eARC of Faking Normal at 93%♥ Swoony Teaser:“I didn’t see you much today,” I say to Bodee as he climbs into the Malibu next to me.“I saw you.”–quote taken from my eARC of Faking Normal at 53%♥ Verdict: Sure, slaying dragons and being a skilled assassin in fantasy novels are a thing to marvel over. But when a contemporary is done right, it’s those with the quiet strength of facing struggles in real life every single day and fighting against them, people like Alexi and Bodee, that should be seen as heroes. Being able to face their own truths and stare down the monsters that exist among us, hidden by their camouflage of human skin, that’s the strongest act of courage any person can exhibit. Because that’s real life and they never get to wake up from their nightmares. Those are the people we should champion after, the real people that deserve our unwavering support. Faking Normal and all of its characters have mine.If I haven’t already made it perfectly clear, I’m recommending this book to people who feel like they can handle the sensitive subjects. If everything that I’ve said hasn’t already convinced you, then perhaps I should mention that I have twelves pages of highlighted text on my kindle. Twelve. Pages. That has to stand for something, right? Faking Normal is a book that I’ve reflected on for the past few months, and one that I’m positive I’ll continue to think about long from now. If you can face the challenge this book throws down, it’s one you don’t want to miss out on.Also, that cover? Yeah, it’ll be coming to my bookshelf just as soon as I can get my hands on it. I love it so much!Ms. Stevens, thank you for giving me a real story of personal triumph and characters that I will always feel connected to after such an amazing read. You are a special kind of talent, and I look forward to the day that I can devour more of your words.♥ A very special thanks to HarperTEEN and Edelweiss for providing me with an early copy of this book for an honest review.

***This review has also been posted on Tangled in Pages “I’m fresh out of happy” Aren’t we all? With my philosophical thought of the day out of the way, I can focus more seriously on this review. Which is going to be hard when all I want to do is NOT write this review. Am I allowed to post my incomprehensible notes and call it a day? I am not whining or lazing off, I just have no idea how to write a review for this book.I don’t know where to start.Should I start with the highlight of this book or the main character? Or perhaps the one drawback of this book as a whole.I went into this book with a very vague idea about what I should expect. I hadn’t read any of the reviews and even when this book tempted to read them, I didn’t give in. I marched on and well I think it was for the best since it gave me the opportunity to read without any sort of bias.This book opened on a very touching note. It opened not with the main character as the centre of attention but someone else who was dealing with the aftermath of a heart wrenching tragedy. The main character who understands what it’s like to lose something, understands pain is the one who walks up to offer comfort to the said person. She doesn’t push him, she doesn’t say anything, she just comforts him with her presence and that’s scene was just touching.The main character, as you can guess, was raped and this book’s focus is on her healing process. She hides her pain and her misery so as to save her family and friends the pain it would bring them. She blames herself for what happened and she has no outlet for all this pain so she scratches her neck. She hides in the closet and tires to count vents or anything to take her mind off of what happened, anything that will let her get some sort of sleep. Anything. Alexi is not a completely likeable character. Her actions are understandable, you sympathize with her but it’s hard to admire her all the time because she is so afraid. She cannot bring herself to openly admit what happened (she hates using the ‘r’ word to describe her rapist), she sympathizes with her rapist and she refuses to tell anyone. However, unlike some of the other female protagonists I’ve encountered in similar situations, she doesn’t close herself off from family and friends; she is still social to a certain extent. Her story is just heartbreaking. It closes a fist around your heart and makes it hard to breathe because of the amount of sadness rolling off the pages.Bodee is the highlight of this book. WITHOUT A DOUBT. He is one of the most unique male leads I’ve encountered and I may or may not have fallen in insta-love with him. I don’t know how to say anything about him. I don’t. He is just the most wonderful person ever. He never pushes Alexi but supports her in his own way. He is heartbroken about what happened with his mother yet he still has the ability to stay strong for Alexi. He is not ultra-hot, nor bulging with muscles. He isn’t the Goth kid. He is just the kid no one really cares about and sticks a label on (his was Kool-aid kid) and as you get to know him better, you cannot help but fall head over heels for him.Captain Lyric also held an important part in Alexi’s healing journey. He remains anonymous for the most part but his identity wasn’t a secret to me. It was blaringly obvious and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier about being right. I loved his reasons for doing what he did because without him Alexi would be lost. She wouldn’t have survived. She needed something to look forward to and he gave her that and I just love his role in her journey.The romance, as everyone can imagine was sweet and slow to develop and just all around wonderful. I just wish I could hug these two individuals and take their pain away. I love how they were supportive of each other and always gave the other a shoulder to lean on and their journey from acquaintances to friends to something more was beautiful.The one thing that really nagged on me was the identity of the rapist. I guessed it at one point but it wasn’t because of some subtle hint. It was because of what I know from other rape cases. It was almost random. I felt like the author chose that individual for the emotional impact it would have on the reader and it bothered me. There weren’t enough hints and the attitude of the individual was not consistent in the two halves of the book. I get what she’s trying to do here, she is trying to tell us that a person isn’t always a monster, things aren’t so black and white but in my world, they kind of are. My heart broke for the family and not the individual. The individual was in the wrong and that is that. I don’t really care about whether they are good or bad, when you do what they did, there are no fucking excuses.In the end though, this book was so emotionally powerful. It was touching. It was heart wrenching. And it was just beautiful.This is a story about finding yourself; about putting back the pieces after life strikes at you and about healing and I would definitely recommend this to fans of What Happens Next or people just looking for a story that doesn’t completely mess up with such a touchy issue.

I have no idea why I didn't read this book sooner. I must be stupid or something. This book was so, so, so FREAKING GOOD! I kind of speechless in that I don't know how to put it's amazing-ness into words. I'll probably write a review when my opinions become more coherent, or I'll just leave this as is because I might ruin it.I want my own Bodee! Haha!Recommend me more books like this one, please!