If Ever I Should Love You audiobook

So, there is a lot that I liked and a lot that was frustrating about this book. I thought it was a great choice to give the heroine an addiction, but we didn't work through her drama or treat her issues enough for my satisfaction. 3.5/5 stars

4.5 - Voto."Leonie sapeva come fare un’uscita drammatica. Le donne avevano poche risorse per ribellarsi, o almeno le figlie. Sua madre invece tradiva suo padre ad ogni occasione, anche se lui non sembrava curarsene. Leonie sapeva che il padre avrebbe ignorato la sua uscita a testa alta, in chiaro segno di disapprovazione, ma Gilchrist no. Avrebbe lasciato che la seguisse e alla prima occasione gli avrebbe fatto rimpiangere di averla avvicinata e invitata a ballare. Come osava? Lo avrebbe fatto a pezzi con la sua lingua tagliente, e lui sarebbe tornato di corsa ovunque fosse rimasto in tutti quegli anni. Prima però doveva ballare con lui.".Lo storico di cui oggi vi voglio parlare, è uscito in questi giorni per la collana I Grandi Romanzi Storici, e mi ha davvero piacevolmente sorpreso. La rinascita di Leonie è il primo della serie “Le ereditiere zitelle”. Parliamo di tre ragazze che pur essendo di piacevole aspetto, dopo alcune stagioni, non hanno ancora accettato un pretendente, e che ora le loro famiglie sono intenzionate a far sposare nel più breve tempo possibile.Il nostro protagonista Roman, è appena diventato Conte di Rochdale, un casato nobile di antica data. Si tratta di un titolo prestigioso, che però, negli ultimi anni è passato da sperperatore a sperperatore. Ora Roman si trova con una bellissima proprietà in rovina che lui intende riportare ai vecchi splendori, ma è attorniato dai creditori di gioco del Conte precedente, che intendono incassare da lui le loro vincite di gioco. Consigliato dal suo avvocato, non gli rimane che una strada: sposare una ricca ereditiera, ed usare il suo denaro per realizzare i sogni che ha per la tenuta di Bonhomie. Scoprire che una delle ereditiere sulla lista è Leonie Charnock, lo porta a fare dei piani precisi. Loro due si sono conosciuti anni prima in India, e la ragazza gli deve molto. Scopriremo infatti che la giovane, appena diciasettenne, era solita civettare con lui e con un suo commilitone. Fin quando, una tragica notte è avvenuto un duello che ha messo fine alla carriera militare di Roman, accusato di aver ucciso Arthur per gelosia. Ma nulla di ciò che è emerso allora dall’inchiesta corrisponde a verità. Quella la conoscono solo Roman e Leonie, ed è terribile. Spedita subito in patria dal padre, la ragazza ha tentato di dimenticare, non ponendosi mai il problema di ciò che Roman abbia dovuto subire, o di quali siano state le conseguenze per lui. Ora sente di dovergli moltissimo, ed accetta la sua proposta di matrimonio, ponendo però delle condizioni inderogabili. Roman accetta perché è convinto con il tempo, di farle comprendere che il loro potrebbe essere un buon matrimonio. Ma scoprire il modo in cui Leonie cerca di affrontare gli incubi che affollano la sua mente, potrebbe far finire il loro matrimonio, ancora prima di incominciare.Nella maggior parte degli storici, è il protagonista che ha dipendenze o vizi. Mentre l’eroina arriva col suo amore a curare i suoi demoni. Qui, invece, abbiamo qualcosa di totalmente diverso. Roman fin da subito, spicca per il suo enorme senso dell’onore. L’idea di doversi sposare per denaro lo devasta, proviene da una famiglia molto particolare, in cui però l’amore ha sempre avuto un grande rilievo. La scoperta che Leonie potrebbe salvare i suoi sogni, lo rende felice, perché lui quella ragazzina bellissima e piena di spirito non l’ha mai dimenticata, ed in fondo è sempre stato innamorato di lei. Per lei si è assunto colpe che non gli appartenevano e quando la sposa è cosciente che dovrà lottare con i ricordi di quella notte per poter sperare di essere felice. Ma non avrebbe mai pensato che sua moglie si sarebbe presentata al matrimonio in condizioni così incredibili, e la loro storia sembra destinata a finire in brevissimo tempo.Leonie ha dovuto mentire per anni, scappata di casa convinta di essere innamorata di Arthur ha visto morire in modo orribile tutti i suoi sogni, e per anni si è macerata nei rimorsi per non aver detto la verità. Figlia unica di una coppia che si odia fin dal primo giorno di matrimonio, ha una madre che ritorna a casa alla fine della nottata uscendo dal letto dell’amante di turno, e non esce dalla sua camera da letto fino alla sera dopo, per recarsi a qualche festa. Suo padre lungi dall’amarla, vede in lei solamente lo strumento che permetterà ai suoi nipoti di fregiarsi di un titolo, e per questo è disposto a pagare generosamente. Sono genitori troppo occupati a farsi la guerra, per vedere che Leonie ha una dipendenza che diventa sempre più grave.Ho trovato molto bello il modo in cui l’autrice fa crescere il rapporto fra Leonie e Roman. I sospetti dell’uomo sull’incapacità della moglie di resistere, troveranno spesso conferma. Ma sarà proprio grazie alle parole del marito che Leonie prenderà coscienza di ciò che è diventata e si renderà conto di avere un grande e grave problema di dipendenza. Ed è stata brava l’autrice nel raccontare le difficoltà, nel lasciare proprio a Leonie il compito di uscirne. L’essere amata ed accettata per la prima volta nella sua vita può aiutarla, ma fintanto che lei non riuscirà ad espellere il veleno di quella notte che non ha mai dimenticato, e non troverà in se stessa la forza di perdonarsi, nessuno potrà fare qualcosa per lei e salvarla. Ed è davvero una rinascita, un riconoscere le proprie debolezze e trovare qualcosa che valga così tanto per cui lottare e vincere, sapendo che il problema continuerà a sussistere e che bisogna lottare ogni giorno.È una storia d’amore insolita, dove non è la mancanza di sentimenti il problema, ma un animo devastato dal rimorso e dal non aver mai avuto nessuno con cui confidarsi. Due persone che si amano davvero, ma che sanno che questo potrebbe davvero non bastare. La scrittura dell’autrice è davvero bella, così come la caratterizzazione dei suoi personaggi davvero indovinata. L’unica pecca, è la guarigione di Leonie, che risulta davvero troppo facile. Una serie partita davvero molto bene e che vedrà nel prossimo capitolo Cassandra, la seconda delle ereditiere zitelle, finire sposata con il nemico della sua famiglia..Lucia63 -per RFS

If Ever I Should Love You kicks off a new series, the Spinster Heiresses, by renowned historical romance author, Cathy Maxwell. The premise of the series involves three heiresses whose blood is just not quite blue enough for the bon ton, and who are each quite picky in their prospects for marital bliss. Unfortunately for our girls, their fathers are determined to sell them off in exchange for a title.Our first spinster heiress is Leonie Charnock, whose name you might recognize as the chit who was jilted by the Duke of Baynton in A Date at the Altar. Although Leonie wasn't all that upset at being overthrown for an actress, as she harbors guilt, shame and fear over what was wrought by a foolish decision in her past, and it has caused an aversion to marriage and "man things." I had a hard time with Leonie at first. I did not like how she treated our hero and seemed not to think about the consequences her actions had on his life. However, I did try to make allowances for her past, and then I grew to like her flawed character. I got wrapped up in her turmoil and tippling, and I felt sorry for her. I also loved the cover of this book, and it fits our heroine perfectly.Roman is the newly (and unexpectedly) inherited Earl of Rochdale. Having come from modest means, Roman was not quite prepared to be the bearer of such an old and respected title. So when he finds himself indebted and in possession of a crumbling manse, Roman learns his only choice is to marry an heiress. And when he discovers that Leonie is back in London and her father is shopping her around in exchange for a title, he knows that he will have her. I liked Roman as a hero. I liked that he went after Leonie and was determined to have her and protect her, and could see that she was in need of protection. There were a few times when I felt he could have been more understanding with her, but I also felt his turmoil over providing for his family and being saddled with a wife who might be trouble. The relationship between Leonie and Roman was somewhat tumultuous due to their complicated past and Leonie's lingering issues. There were times when it seemed Roman would not stick it out, and that is where you really connected to Leonie's character because you could see that she needed help and he wasn't being as supportive as you might hope. So this was a good ride on the roller coaster along with our couple.I liked the secondary characters as well, I only wished there would have been more time with them. I would have loved to see more of the friendship and interaction between our spinster heiresses, so hopefully we will get more of that in the future installments. I also really liked Roman's family and would have liked to know more about them. I kind of believe they may be the subject of some previous books that I have not yet read, as I felt like the references to their lives and past were made in a way that the reader should know who they are.I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book that I received from the publisher, Avon.

Roman and LeonieThis is the first novel I've read by Cathy Maxwell. If this story is representative of her work, I intend to read more. I expected a romp. Ha! This was not that!A rape, a murder and a coverup! The hero and heroine have a scandalous shared secret. Wow! I sat up and took notice. Maxwell has taken a subject matter that is usually cloaked in secrecy and shame and dumped it right out in the open forcing her characters and readers to deal with it. Roman Gilchrist has inherited a title, a bankrupt, ramshackle estate along with debts of honor and no funds to satisfy them. His only option - a marriage of convenience with an heiress. The last thing he'd ever been raised to contemplate. His godfather presents him with several options. One young lady immediately captures his attention. They share a past and a devastating secret. If he must marry an heiress, then she is it, whether she likes it or not. She owes him after all. Leonie wants to remain unmarried. She never wants to find herself at the mercy of a man. Her father has other ideas and goals. He has provided an immense dowry for the sole purpose of gaining a title for his progeny. She has no choice save obedience. Leonie, as you will find fellow readers, is unlike any heroine I've encountered to date. She's real. She may have beautiful features and lovely ballroom manners, but underneath it all, Maxwell has created a woman who has experienced the ultimate horror and has coped with it in a manner that is oh so familiar.Maxwell takes us on a journey here that creates empathy for this lovely couple and hope that they will continue to work together to make their home a happy one. If you're looking for a romp, this is not it. If you're looking for a well-written and very nuanced story that challenges your preconceptions, you've come to the right place. I wonder what lies ahead for the next two spinster heiresses? I cannot wait!

Roman Gilchrist, the new Earl of Rochdale, knew he had to marry a wealthy woman. Apart from the family estate, which was in dire need of maintenance, his late uncle’s huge gambling debts left Roman no choice. Roman’s solicitor suggests one of the so-called Spinster Heiresses; Leonie Charnock was one of them. After being jilted the previous year by a duke, Leonie’s chances of attracting the sort of husband her parents wish for her has become slimmer: the Charnocks come from trade and Leonie’s father’s fondest wish is that she marry “a title”. Leonie and Roman had met in India, where Leonie had spent the greater part of her life; Roman had been totally smitten, whereas Leonie had preferred the even more handsome Arthur Paccard. Roman had sacrificed his future because of Leonie, and he figures that, six years later, she can pay him back. IF EVER I SHOULD LOVE YOU is a most welcome and extraordinary twist on the familiar marriage of convenience trope, because it doesn’t follow the usual path. It is a story of true love, of forgiveness; words fail me, it is that grandiose a story. I was completely overwhelmed by the majesty of the story, and several tissues were needed, as I was enthralled and awed. Cathy Maxwell has written a painfully realistic of story of good people whose lives are forever altered because of events that should not have occurred in an ideal world, with long-term consequences that became unbearable burdens. Leonie and Roman share a tragic past, and my heart ached for both of them because of the secrets they have kept for so many years, which have caused resentment, guilt, and changed their lives forever. Leonie and Roman are unforgettable characters, exceptionally well-rounded, admirably imperfect, and so genuine I know a couple like them has existed somehow, somewhere in time. Roman’s mother Catherine and stepfather David are also outstanding. IF EVER I SHOULD LOVE YOU is a riveting, sad, wondrous, mesmerising, rewarding, and marvellous romance, but even more, it truly is the story of two people and their marriage: one who loves, the other who doesn’t really know if that possibility exists anymore. IF EVER I SHOULD LOVE YOU is one of the most beautiful, touching, powerful and viscerally-affecting romances I have read; a truly spectacular novel which I most highly recommend to readers who need more than fluff. I voluntarily reviewed an advanced reader copy of this book.

So good! I think it says something when a historical romance manages to hit on issues that make it incredibly relevant in our modern world - and this did just that. Beyond being a lovely romance with some interesting twists and fantastic characters, I loved the way If Ever I Should Love You dealt with rape and it's consequences for all involved. It's sad, but our world hasn't progressed much beyond the victim shaming that kept the heroine quiet and the consequences for her mental health are well written. I also enjoyed the battle with alcoholism, which was unexpected and brilliantly done. I cannot wait to read more in this series.Oh and I should note this was an audio read for me - with really great narration. I will definitely continue on audio.

This is most definitely not your run of the mill Historical Romance novel, Ms. Maxwell has written a very emotional thought provoking story of two people who are not perfect, but perfect for each other. This review might be slightly spoilerish!!Roman Gilchrist is the new Earl of Rochdale and he is broke. His godfather suggests he marry an heiress to garner the funds he needs to pay off his uncle's debts and to set the estate to rights. Roman is vehemently opposed to the idea, until he learns that Leonie Charnock is one of the "Spinster Heiresses".Leonie and Roman have a past, years ago Roman saved Leonie and paid for the act with his military career. While he has no desire for a loveless marriage for money, he feels that Leonie owes him. Leonie has no desire to marry and even if she did, Roman would be the last man she would ever consider. Roman is the only person in the world who knows Leonie's secret shame. When he approaches her at a ball, she slaps him and runs away. Roman follows her and tells her that they will marry and that he already has her father's permission. She confronts her father and learns that Roman is telling the truth. Later while dancing with the Duke of Camberly, she has a flashback to the worst night of her life and feeling ill, leaves the ball without dancing with Roman.Her father tells her that she will marry him and she decides to plead her case to her mother. Her mother reinforces her father's decision and Leonie knows that she will have to marry Roman, and she tries to set the terms of their relationship, to no avail.Leonie struggles with her past, she wasn't aware that Roman suffered by covering for her and she is more than a little scared of the intimate side of marriage. So she does what she has always done to calm herself since that awful night, she drinks. Not enough to get drunk, but just a "nip" to help settle herself. Roman smells the brandy on her breathe and is concerned, but she waves it off and convinces him that it was a one time thing. Roman is leery, but tries to be understanding. All seems to be progressing well until the night before the wedding. Leonie drinks too much wine and wakes with a hangover, to settle herself, she decides to have a "nip" and ends up getting foxed.She makes it through the wedding ceremony and then passes out. Again, Roman protects her, he knows that he loves her, but he is hurt and angry. When she wakes, he confronts her and she admits everything and is shocked to learn, he already knew what happened to her in India. He consoles her even though his is angry and she falls asleep again. When she wakes the next morning, she is told to pack for the country. She decides that she will not drink anymore and sets out with Roman. In the coach, she begins to feel the effects of withdrawal and when they stop for the night, she yearns for a "nip". But there is no alcohol with dinner and she is ashamed that she wants to drink. She tries to make up to Roman for the previous night and when they retire for the night, she trusts Roman with her body. They make love and she is shocked that she enjoyed it. When they settle down to sleep, Roman tells her he loves her and falls asleep.Unable to sleep, Leonie goes to the water closet and then wanders into the tap room, she spies a bottle on the table and decides to take "just a sip" - she NEEDS the drink and promises herself that tomorrow she will stop drinking. But this sip leads to another and then she is confronted by the owner of the bottle. He attacks her and she screams. Roman saves her and beats the man, he then discovers she had been drinking. He is livid and orders brandy - he leaves her with the bottle and tells her to choose - she can go back to London or she can come with him.The next day she chooses to go with Roman, but he shuts himself off from her. She feels terrible about her actions and for being dishonest with him - until they reach his estate and she learns that she is not the only one who lied, and she plots how to repay him.Leonie meets his family and is charmed, later when they are alone, she lets him know what she thinks of his "holier than thou" act and refuses to share a bed with him. She leaves the room and finds an opened bottle of wine, she finishes the bottle and then settles down to sleep. But Roman has come for her, they kiss and he tastes the wine, he is angry and leaves the room. She follows and apologizes, she tells him she needs help. They make love and he tells her that he still loves her. But he begins to shut her out. She knows she can no longer drink or she will lose Roman.Leonie begins a journey of self acceptance and forgiveness, but still Roman keeps his distance. He doesn't trust her not to drink and she doesn't trust herself. Leonie is confused about her feelings and needs to bare her soul before she can finally move forward.These two are clearly meant for each other, but there are huge obstacles that must be overcome before they can have a HEA. The story is well written and gripping, the material has triggers that might be difficult for some readers, the secondary characters are wonderful and the love scenes are well done and on the "warm" side. I really enjoyed this book and am looking forward to reading the other heiresses stories! The only reason I didn't give this book 5 stars is because of the way Roman treated her after she asked for help, in my opinion he did nothing to help her, he claimed to love her, but basically ignored her and kept watching and waiting for her to either fail or prove herself.*I am voluntarily leaving a review for an eARC that was provided to me by Edelweiss and the publisher*

Cathy Maxwell has managed to surprise and delight me with this new title – taking two characters who are far from the norm and unafraid to be wholly unlikable on first impression and yet, somehow, are difficult to not want to see them find more and better. The season’s “spinster heiresses” are ostensibly ready and eager to wed: on the shelf just a touch too long, but with impeccable bloodlines and near-flawless reputations they are most eligible for their dowries. It is assumed in the tonne that these women are anxious to marry and end the merry-go-round of parties, balls, examinations and side-eye glances, not to mention pressure from family. That is, until Leonie. Beautiful, cautious and determined to never marry, she’s been clearly placed up for sale by her father, and unsupported by her faithless and often feckless mother. Years before she was nearly ruined in society’s eyes, until a gallant rescuer stepped in, and then life and other issues intervened. Now bored with the whole charade, she wants a life of self-determination and direction, free from the demands or constraints of marriage, particularly one like her parents have. Oh Leonie is one of the most perplexing and contrary introductions to a character I’ve met in a long time. But, as we get to know her and see her secrets revealed as the relationship (or what passes for one) with her parents and the ‘model’ they set for her in a marriage, as well as some backstory and history all make most of her choices and reactions more understandable. Yes, she is frustrating and her naiveté fueled by seriously cynical expectations often feel overwrought –but considering her limited options, her experiences and her actual unfamiliarity with something different, added to her own worries about not being worthy of ‘more’, you can’t help but want to see things work for her with just the right man. And perhaps that right man is in the form of Roman, impoverished Earl of Rochdale and savior of young Leonie’s reputation so long ago is just that man. He’s fully aware that he needs several things, most importantly money and a wife that amuses him while still being an appropriate choice for Countess. He remembers the beauty, Leonie, in fact he never forgot her – and while he knows marriage is inevitable and the sooner the better, he also wants to have a love connection. Imagine his surprise when news reaches him that the woman he never did forget is also available and the richest on offer. Oh they both have come so far since India –and neither’s path has been trouble free, but Roman is not to be denied. He remembers her, she confused, frustrated, amused, and intrigued him in equal measure: and it doesn’t seem that anything will be simple and straightforward. But, he’s going to get her to change her mind on so many things – and with quiet and steady progress, most of it forward, some of it arrogant and quite dismissive of Leonie’s wishes, she starts to see that these moments: good, bad or indifferent are starting to make an impression, an impression that is different from her usual cynical view of the world. Maxwell has dealt with issues often ignored in most historical romance in a way that brings it new life. We know that women were little more than property – but by showing the blatant determination of her father to buy her a title at any cost this becomes a whole new outrage. The ridiculous constrictions placed on learning, living and self-determination, and the various choices that women of the time used to escape, if only through drink, the unhappiness and boredom of the ‘sameness’ of each day. Unique, a bit more somber and less light and fluffy than one may expect, this story was intriguing and engaging, even in moments where the characters frustrated me to the point of screaming. It will be interesting to see if the boldness in choices and characters continues in this series. I received an eArc copy of the title from the publisher via Edelweiss for purpose of honest review. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility. Review first appeared at I am, Indeed

4 StarsMarriage of Convenience / Arranged MarriageReluctant BrideSecond ChancesTriggers: Heroine was raped by a past suiter (off-page, not too descriptive). The book also deals with issues of alcoholism.My thoughts?This is my second book by the author (I read book 3 first) and what kept me reading was the writing. The story was not as exciting as book 3, that book had a plot that appealed to me more and had enough angst to keep me completely engaged. Here...not as much. I would say it was angst-free. And Roman (the hero) is more of a beta--not my favorite kind of hero. However, I still liked him very much. I added him to my 'sweet as pie hero' shelf. I did feel like there were many--maybe too many--similarities to book 3, to the extent that some scenes felt like a copy/paste. What stands out the most about this book (at least to me) is that Leonie (the heroine) dealt with alcoholism. I found that so different, because we usually get the tortured hero, but here, the heroine was the one struggling with the repercussions of a heavy past. I would never have expected this from a historical romance; it was refreshing. There's something about seriously flawed characters that greatly appeal to me. I loved how even though Roman was always Leonie's knight in shining armor, at the end, it was Leonie that had to find the courage within herself to defeat her problems, including her addiction. Most of all, to forgive and love herself first. I thought the author wrote about these difficult issues extraordinarily well, and nothing was written gratuitously.HEA: Yes

In this first book of her new Spinster Heiresses series, Cathy Maxwell takes a familiar romance convention and turns it on its head. Readers are used to seeing tormented heroes who turn to gambling, sex, or drink to quell their demons. Rarely, is it the heroine who wages this battle while the hero is the proper, responsible half of the relationship. Leonie and Roman have several obstacles to overcome if they have any hope of a happy ending, many of their own creation. Yes, Leonie's addiction plays a large role in their relationship but so too does Roman's reaction to it and to her. There are times in the book when neither of them is very likeable but if you've ever self-medicated or lived with someone who has you know there are always peaks and valleys to navigate. Kudos to Maxwell for not giving them any easy answers. This makes Leonie and Roman more realistic, their actions more believable, and the evolution of their relationship more satisfying. If you're looking for something a little different, with real-life issues, flawed yet resilient characters, deep emotion, and a hard-won happy ending, give this one a try.

Simple is never part of the equation when it comes to love. Nothing involving the heart ever is. However, the ballad of Leonie and Roman is like is like an onion. The layers run deep and the tears are no surprise. Cathy Maxwell has a talent for breaking a heart in the sweetest of ways. Leonie is stuck in the past, reliving her mistakes and punishing herself for them. It's hard to like her, but in time you will understand her. Her burden of guilt has flawed her soul. Roman was never meant to be a hero, but he ended up being a twofold one. He had the courage to listen to his heart and pursue the one woman he had to work the hardest for and the foresight to empathize and help mend an at times callous, but brutally broken heart. If Ever I Should Love You may run hot and cold, but it appeals to what makes us human.

3.5