Mars and Venus on a Date audiobook

When I want to learn how to do something well, I read up on the topic. And yes, that even applies to dating. This is, hands down, the best dating book I've ever read. Gray does an excellent job at explaining the wonderful (but sometimes baffling) differences between the genders. It helps each to better understand how the other interprets those little things that can make or break dating in its fragile early stages, which is particularly helpful for a generation who just doesn't date anymore. Gray also explains the stages to relationships and how vital it is to progress through each - including uncertainty. Highly recommend it to any fellow singletons out there - it's totally changed how I approach dating for the better.

What did I learn from this book? That I am still learning. As I read- I thought about the relationships I have had in my life and what I have learned about myself from them. It was also interesting reading about the stages of dating. In truth- I agree with the approach of moving slower and really getting to know each other. What I find from many of these books- which leaves me at a loss- is where is the wisdom and advice for those of us whose relationships go amuck as a result of situational changes in life. There are those things which are not so easily resolved... what about those???? Maybe there are no answers.Anyhow... the author of this book recommends positive endings to relationships that are not working and I agree whole heartedly. I have always been on excellent terms with those I love long after the intimate relationship has ended. In my mind- just because somethng does not work out it does not mean that you do not love the person... you decided to honor the relationship with honesty and respect.

Coming from an extremely dysfunctional family, I was very unsuccessful at dating and finding a soulmate. It wasn't until I read Mars and Venus on a date that I realized I had no idea how to date or have a successful relationship. Most self help books address the problems people have when they are already in a relationship, but this one starts from the first date. It was the single most helpful book I have found on the subject of building a positive relationaship. Thank you, John Gray

Thought this was a great book. Even good for people in long term relationships. Of course you take some and you leave some but I really enjoyed the items I took away from the book.

An incredibly valuable, insightful, and joy-filled perspective on the differences between men and women.

This was a great book. I had read it before, and just finished reading it with a group of women. Some were afraid that they hadn't read the original Mars and Venus book and would be lost. That is not the case. Every concept that Gray discusses, he explains fully. He mentions the first book occasionally but information is not missing. My biggest concern is that the book is very dated. It leans back to a much "simpler" time, and has zero advice about online dating websites and the new ways men and women interact. There are also some parts where the information is repeated over and over, or lists go on and on. Lastly, if you are a devout feminist, this book will offend you. If you can not accept or expect (Gray calls it "being receptive") a man doing things for you as a woman, you will be gravely disappointed. The book is written from the male perspective that works more at fixing women, and I would be surprised to find a man who has read this book. It is helpful in explaining a lot of misconceptions women have. As with every self-help book it will not fix everyone. Gray explains that sometimes there is a bit of role reversal, and goes on to explain this away. If you are into self-help and open to heterosexual dating you will surely take something away from this book.

Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship (1997) by Dr. John Gray is a companion to the more well-known Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Men and Venus on a Date, however, provides deeper insight into the world of couples trying to figure out the rules and taboos to dating a Martian or Venusian and holds keys that will unlock the mystery of communication and how to build a stronger and more loving relationship with your partner.As Dr. Gray explains, “this book is directly written for singles and dating couples who are interested in finding true and lasting love” (p xiii). But for this post I will focus primarily on some helpful information about how Martians (often of the male gender) and Venusians (often of the female gender) communicate and how they are interpreted and how each partner can work to better express themselves and learn how to communicate more efficiently. First, though, a reader needs to understand that Martians and Venusians are in fact different and do not communicate in the same shape or fashion, and this is by far the greatest mistake couples make when dating. Just as someone from the East would instinctively learn that people in the West have different customs and cultural habits and do not communicate in the same way so should Martians and Venusians learn and become more aware of how each partner may communicate. For instance, on Mars when Martians apologize that usually ends the entire discussion and the Martians shake hands, slap each other on the back and go have a beer and all is forgotten. “On Venus,” Dr. Gray explains, “it is the opposite. When you say you are sorry, the discussion begins. When a man says he is sorry to a woman, she will proceed to tell him in great detail why he should be feeling sorry” (p 117).Now if a Martian does not know this about Venusians then he would likely become annoyed and she would feel rejected and uncared for and an argument would arise and the relationship would begin to break down. If a Martian has the knowledge and skills and knows about the customs and practices of his favorite Venusian, he sits and listens and helps her explore her emotions and learns why he should be sorry and he should quite possibly be taking notes so he doesn’t make the same mistake in the future. This would show the Venusian that she is cared for and help her feel more secure in the relationship. A woman needs a man who will make her feel special, unique and secure. “She needs to feel that he adores, cares for, understands, and respects her so much that he will always be there for her,” writes Dr. Gray (p 127). A Martian, therefore, needs to understand better how Venusians think, act, behave, and speak; otherwise a Martian will misinterpret his favorite Venusian.“When we misinterpret each other, it can cause us to sabotage our relationships unknowingly,” writes Dr. Gray. “A woman may mistakenly conclude her date is ‘just another man incapable of making a commitment’ and give up. A man may think his date is another woman whose needs may smother him and take away his freedom. As a result, he loses interest.“No matter how sincere you are, if your partner is misinterpreting your innocent and automatic reactions and responses, your attempts to create a relationship may be unsuccessful. It is not enough merely to be authentic in sharing yourself; to succeed in dating you need to consider how you will be interpreted as well” (p 3).There is not a person who I have not met who does not wish to be successful in love. Most people watch their Facebook posts fill up with couples happily in love and couples becoming engaged and writhe with secret envy, asking “How the hell does this even happen? Why can’t it happen to me?” And yet we all desire to be successful in our career and so we study and get degrees and learn the trades and spend countless hours learning how to be successful, and yet we automatically assume love will just happen. Wrong. Love is as delicate as a plant and needs attention, caring and respect. And these characteristics can also be found in one who spends time studying over a book in a library preparing for an exam. Why do we think that love just happens and we don’t need to prepare ourselves to be the best we can be so we can bring the best to our partner and our relationship?The truth is that love needs work to last and develop into a strong relationship but true love doesn’t need work to be recognized and respected. True love happens. One night you attend a party when you are filled with doubts about even going and then suddenly you fall into a seat across the very person you have longed waited to meet. You both instantly just know. You both play it cool. Avoiding each other, but in the end always coming back to each other and the conversations flow and both of you just click into place. And both of you know that the Universe has smashed two oceans into each other and it is such a wonderful feeling. “When soul mates fall in love there is simply a recognition,” explains Dr. Gray. “It is clear and simple as recognizing that the sun is shining today, or the water I am drinking is cool and refreshing, or the rock I am holding is solid. This knowing is not in any way dependent on a long list of reasons or qualifications. Soul love is unconditional. When the right person comes along you ‘just know,’ and you spend the rest of your life discovering why he or she is the right person…A soul mate is someone who has the unique ability to bring out the best in us. Soul mates are not perfect, but perfect for us” (p 14-17). But with that said, it does not hurt to learn about your partner’s communication patterns and prepare yourself to be the best you can be. Here are fifteen key insights that can help any relationship become stronger:1) “Whenever a man does something to make a woman feel special, in her eyes he becomes more attractive…If she has to care too much about his needs, if she has to be overly sensitive not to hurt his feelings, then he becomes less attractive. When she is free not to worry about him, but simply enjoy the fact that he cares about her, then she becomes more attracted to him” (p 37).2) A man far too often doesn’t understand nor “realize that a woman will feel most supported and impressed when he listens with interest rather than talking about himself or giving advice” (p 36).3) “A woman’s willingness to ‘share all’ is actually a compliment to the other woman. It is a sign of trust, goodwill, and friendship” (p 38).4) When a woman is finally “getting her needs met, then and only then is his happiness hers” (p 44).5) “A man bonds with a woman through being successful in providing for her happiness, comfort, and fulfillment. His doubts are dispelled not primarily by what she does for him, but by how she responds to what he does for her” (p 49).6) “By clearly understanding the wisdom of going slowly and moving through the five stages of dating [Attraction, Uncertainty, Exclusivity, Intimacy, and Engagement], both men and women will enjoy the dating process more and eventually find true love” (p 59).7) “If he can respect her, then he is worthy of her” (p 59).8) “By deliberately putting forth his energy and attention to fulfill a woman’s romantic needs long after a woman has accepted him, a man trains himself to experience that the little romantic gestures of dating are not just to win a woman over but are actually required and necessary to sustain her responsiveness” (p 70).9) “In stage three, a man should remember that a woman feels most loved and supported when he offers to be of assistance. It is most romantic for a woman when a man anticipates her needs and offers to help. Even if she doesn’t need his help at the time, she will feel supported just because he offered” (p 77).10) “Women like variety. They like to try new things and have new experiences. By continuing to take risks and try new things, a man is assured of successfully moving through stage three” (p 76).11) “When a woman has a conversation her objective is to share. A man makes the best impression by asking questions and listening. Sharing in her thoughts and feelings is the way to win a woman over…When he asks questions, it reassures her that she is special and worthy of love. It is evidence that this man cares about her” (p 220-223).12) “The direct way to a man’s heart is through complimenting and appreciating the things he provided. When a man experiences a positive response to the things he does or provides for her, he is more inclined to feel attracted. This is how a man’s affection for a woman grows” (p 261).13) “The more a man succeeds in helping a woman, the more attracted he will be to her. A woman also experiences a greater attraction to man when he is helpful to her. She then mistakenly turns this around and assumes that if she is helpful to him, he will be more attracted to her. This is not true” (p 265).14) “When a man expresses his masculine presence he is generally embodying the three basic characteristics of masculinity: he is confident, purposeful, and responsible. It is these three qualities that make a woman most attracted to him” (p 271).15) “When a woman expresses her feminine radiance she is generally embodying the three basic characteristics of femininity: she is self-assured, receptive, and responsive. It is these three qualities that make a man most attracted to her” (p 271).If any of these key insights were new to you and/or resonated with you on any level, I recommend picking up a copy of Mars and Venus on a Date and/or buying a copy for a friend. After all, aren’t our soul mates truly worth it? Aren’t we worth it?“Choosing a soul mate is not a mental decision based on pros and cons of a relationship,” explains Dr. Gray. “It is not an emotional decision based on comparing how a person makes you feel. It is not a physical decision based on how a person looks. It is much deeper. When our soul wants to marry our partner, it feels like a promise that we came into this world to keep…When our soul wants to get married, it feels as if we have no choice. We have to do it if we are to be true to ourselves. It is this kind of commitment that can sustain a lifetime of love” (p 20-21).And don’t we all want a lifetime of love? I’ll leave the answer to you… in the meantime:Keep reading and smiling…

The genders do have different ways of processing and communicating things. In this book, John Gray offers standard trends with each gender in terms of dating rituals. Some may be critical of the sweeping generalizations, "Not all men do ...." "Not all women feel ..." but his intent is to only share what the majority often feel, react to, and methods typically used to communicate wants, needs and emotions. If you get the chance, read this book with a member of the opposite sex. Read a chapter then have a discussion about it. These discussions are very informing and really help both genders find their way through the landmine that is inter gender relationships. Although this book may not apply to every individual, I have found the strategies and observations to be spot on with those I have come to know in my life. A great read and awesome conversation starter if shared with a close friend of the opposite gender.

What an amazing book. This book had a huge impact on my life. I can honestly say that this book saved more than one relationship . It also clearly explained why at least 3 relationships failed. This is a great resource on explaining the wonderful social/mental aspects of beginning, sustaining and ending a relationship. I have gotten many gems out of this book. For example, if the relationship fails, end it on a positive note. A few weeks later ask if your former partner knows of anybody who mite like to date you. This actually got me 4 dates.I highly recommend this book. It is well though out and an excellent read. I do have one major criticism. [Yes I am still giving it 5 stars.] In the book, there is a chapter describing the phases of a relationship. I would like to see at least two chapters on each phase. including more examples and more insight into understanding when the you are at that stage and how to better identify what stage your partner is in.

I wish I had read this book a long time ago. This book helps explain how you can self-sabotage relationships even if you are dating your soulmate. It also helps lay the groundwork for you to be a better wife or husband in the future. The best way to put it is that this book helps explain the difference between having a good relationship and being in love. You need both in order to succeed and you can only have this if you are both in it with an open heart: One of the hardest things to do. I'll be sure to re-read this book quite a few times in the coming year. One thing to keep in mind though is this book was written quite awhile ago so the list provided in the second half is outdated a bit.

Thank you, again, John Gray, for teaching me so kindly what makes me different and unique and perfectly normal! This guidebook for navigating the dating experience is a must-have in my opinion. In it, John Gray lays out the five stages of a relationship's natural progression [to marriage], what each stage looks like, how to show up in each of those stages whether you're a man or a woman, and how you and the relationship evolve through the stages. It has proven incredibly accurate for me and my own experiences and I'm already going through it for the second time.

This is literally a relationship bible. Should be read by both men and women. Great insights into natural differences between men and women. No, we are not the same - equal maybe, but not the same. John Gray puts in words what I've always felt but couldn't express. With so much confusion and misunderstanding today in the relationships and increasing rates of divorces - books like this should be a must. I will bookmark it to re-read it later.

This is a book all single women should have on their bookshelf. I was amazed how many of my different relationships followed so many of the stages. It helped me realized the things I was doing wrong right from the start. I don't know if reading it changed anything I was doing but it was at least fun to be able to see what path I went down.

Insightful, helpful- read this years ago and it definitely gives you a better understanding of dating and relationships

Very practical approaches and examples to how men and women think differently and how to have more successful dating experiences. He doesn’t want anyone to change the way they are, but rather to understand why the opposite sex is doing/saying certain things. This is a great supplementary read to his OG book “men are from mars women are from Venus” for someone who is still in the dating game