Mothers Who Can’t Love audiobook

Look, I'm not going to hold a burial for my "fantasy mother," nor am I going to do role-play exercises with my therapist. That's not my bag. HOWEVER, the very practical approaches and advice herein are awesome, grounding, and affirming. Half of the book describes various types of narcissistic mothers: from your garden variety selfish diva to Mommy Dearest. Mind you, the book is covering narcissists -- what else is up with these breeders (personality disorders, etc) who the hell knows. The second half deals with how to either set up appropriate boundaries or break off entirely. Also, there's a lagniappe chapter on infirm, old, senile, bedwetting parents -- they're still mean, but now doddering on top of it all. Which, of course, can make said daughter lose the boundaries. Not a good idea. Forward is totally pro; she iterates more than once to get thee to a therapist. The book can't do it all. But it helps. Lord have mercy. I'm reading self help books.

This book is a breath of fresh air for women struggling with their relationships with their mothers. I've often felt that we live in a society that puts mothers on a pedestal and turns a blind eye to the negative effects that bad mothering has on children, especially female children who will be future mothers. Books like this one are a step in the right direction for women looking to improve their lives and relationships, and for those hoping to break cycles of abuse. You don't have to be the victim of an unloving mother to learn from this book. It may just help aid you in your understanding and compassion for other women. Or, it may just open your eyes to a well guarded secret. Either way, you'll be a better person for having read it.

I strongly believe there are books you read, that are going to change you, in some ways. This book has been tough for me to read, 'cause it sure did reopened some wounds. But at the same time, it was the silent hug that I needed so bad, and never had. The only thing that kind of made me cringe, is the title. I think it's a bit harsh; there could have been a different title, but y'know, it is what it is, and I guess there are mothers out there who don't really know how to healthily love their child. One thing I particularly love about Susan Forward's book is her ability not to BLAME your parent. She explains how the toxic environment/relationship can affect you, and through her words, she makes you feel like ''yeah, I've been abused, but I will be ok. I'm not the only one in this case, and someone is there for me.'' It may only be my point of view, but the bottom line is; this book made me feel a bit safe about my situation. And I loved every second of it!

I have been in a relationship with an unloving mother for many years now. I hear myself back peddling and saying that she probably loved me in her own way, but that would excuse her behavior. Some people say "That's just the way she is and I have to accept that." But, I don't have to accept it!In November, I set boundaries, but I am pretty sure that I did it wrong and I don't know if my relationship with my mother will ever recover, as she chose to simply ignore my boundaries and hasn't spoken to me since. (Pretty much textbook case of unloving mother, huh?) I do know that if I would have read this book beforehand, I could have done a much better job of setting boundaries and I would have known that Change starts with ME. Do I have to ever accept her behavior? NO. But, I can stand up for myself without reacting in a bad manner.I learned a lot of bad habits from her and I know that when we get in a disagreement after I have had enough manipulation, I haven't reacted well and have been defensive and hurtful. This book really helped me put into perspective how to react to my mother. I need to be non-defensive, set boundaries, and live my own freaking life. Book takeaways:"Every daughter has a pivotal choice to make as the pain of her relationship with her mother continues to mount. She can struggle through the process of coming to terms with her feelings and use them to guide her to clarity and change. Or she can sit on those feeling and defend herself against the pain by acting in hurtful and inappropriate ways--just like her mother did."The best thing that I have learned from this book, is that I am worth it and I don't have to repeat the cycle of unloving behavior that I learned from my childhood. "Remember that you always have the right to be treated with respect, and to protest unfair treatment or criticism." This is called boundaries. And per, Forward, it's probably not a good idea to put all your boundaries in place at once. Oops.Boundaries that you keep to yourself, don't mean anything. "It becomes real when you clearly inform your mother of the new ground rules for your relationship with her, and then tell her when she's crossed the line and made you feel uncomfortable.."When these types of boundaries are given, the unloving type of mother may be "threatened by your new found power, and she is certain to push back." "It's common for many mothers to cast themselves as the victim when you begin to resist their unhealthy behavior." That's called manipulation!

Excellent. I liked this one even more than this author's previous book Toxic Parents. This book doesn't advocate confrontation in all circumstances. I think sometimes confrontation can do more harm than good. This book is about validating those who had abusive or neglectful mothers, and how to heal and move on.Highly recommended for anyone who grew up in an abusive home. If you feel your childhood was stolen, this is the book for you.

I can safely say that this book has changed my life and turned my truths and realities upside down. I can confidently say that it has divided my life into "before" and "after". To exemplify the above, here's a list of things that this book helped me understand/ pinpoint; - I'm finally able to label my narcissistic mother's behavior and call things by their names without feeling guilty or shameful. - "You're older than your age" is not a compliment. For the longest time, I took pride in being "older than my peers", but this book taught me that my childhood was robbed of me, thus I was forced to premature and to take responsibility as an adult when I was only 12. - Processing one's emotions is hard work, especially if your emotions were always on the shelf (even as a kid) because your mother's emotions are certainly more significant. So is learning to show self-compassion and feeling good enough when you're constantly overly criticized.- Thanks to this book, I started going to therapy to learn to accept that my relationship with my mother affects every single aspect of my life including the ones that seem unaffected by it, and to finally swallow the pill that I suffer from Complex-PTSD that built every trait, interest, and understanding of the world with the toxins of the relationship. And since trauma travels through family lines, it's my responsibility to start the healing process for me and for my descendants.

An excellent read. It was validating knowing that 1. I am not alone 2. It wasn't my fault and 3. It was real, I can heal and I am lovable. While reading this book it felt like I was reading old journal entries. Including the client's first hand accounts was very moving and powerful. I also really benefited from the exercises. I encourage any daughter (or even son) of a narcissistic/enmeshed/emotionally unavailable and controlling mother to read this book.

Nesu didelė tokių knygų gerbėja, tačiau karts nuo karto vis pasirodo kokia, kuri patraukia mano dėmesį. Taip nutiko ir su šia knyga. Tiesiog pajutau, jog labai noriu ją perskaityti.Šioje knygoje Susan dalinasi savo sukaupta 35 darbo metų patirtimi. Per tiek metų jai teko susidurti su daugybe moterų, kurios dabar jau atrodo yra suaugusios, turinčios puikią karjerą bei mylinčius sutuoktinius, tačiau jos dar ir po daugelio metų kenčia psichologinę žalą, kurią joms padarė ne kas kitas, o jų motinos. Būtent tos moterys, kurios atrodo, jog turėtų savo dukras mylėti už viską labiausiai.. Deja, bet realybė yra kur kas liūdnesnė nei galime įsivaizduoti..Pirmoje knygos dalyje yra pateikiami skirtingi motinų tipai : patologiškai narcisistinės mamos, mamos - varžovės, varginamai įkyrios, perdėm valdingos, motiniškos globos reikalaujančios mamos.. Bei tos, kurios apleidžia, išduoda ir muša.Antroje knygos dalyje autorė dalinasi savo įžvalgomis bei patarimais, kurie gali būti naudingi norint nutraukti toksiškus santykius su savo motinomis, ar tiesiog įgyti daugiau drąsos bei ryžto.Tai buvo tikrai jautri, bet tuo pačiu ir stipri knyga. Skaitant visus knygoje pateiktų moterų išgyvenimus, tikrai sunku buvo įsivaizduoti, ką toms mergaitėms vaikystėje teko patirti.. Ir baisiausia yra tai, jog jos visiškai to nenusipelnė ir nebuvo nei trupučio dėl to kaltos.. Daugumai iš jų prireikė nemažai metų, jog suvoktų, kad ten nebuvo nei kiek jų kaltės, o kur dar sielos žaizdos, kurios atrodo, jog niekada neužgis.. Mama yra tas žmogus, kuris kiekvienam vaikui yra be galo svarbus. Ir kaip skaudu, jog dėl motinų asmeninių bėdų kenčia dukterys.Pati knyga parašyta tikrai aiškiai bei informatyviai ir ją skaitant man papildomų klausimų nekilo. Kilo tik noras perskaityti kitas Suzan knygas, o labiausiai "Toksiški tėvai". Net neabejoju, jog ir ši knyga bus tikrai verta dėmesio.

This is the book I would recommend to any adult daughter of an unloving mother exploring the healing process. I agree with the author that most people, if they're just starting this healing journey, will need to work this process with the help of a therapist and shouldn't be reading this book without help. There's a lot of emotional work to be done, but it can be done.I've been working on this grief and healing for ten years and recently was warned that an upcoming experience in my life might trigger childhood issues. I read this book to help ready myself and do an emotional self tune-up. I highly recommend it for this purpose. Forward helped me to articulate some thoughts and experiences that I've had a hard time expressing in short, logical sentences removed from the baggage of the past. I appreciated Forward's can-do, positive attitude throughout the chapters, carefully placed pick-me-ups right at crucial points in the reading where it was easy to get bogged down.

As someone who has been in and out of therapy most of my life, a lot of the information and coping strategies in this book were not new to me, and some I had even put into practice prior to reading this. However, it came at the recommendation of a therapist so I gave it a shot, and I'm so glad that I did! This book is a quick read- I would recommend listening to it on audiobook, so that you can stop, rewind, and repeat certain sections, which I found myself doing frequently (not because the book was difficult), but because I found it important to establish many of the reaffirming mantras throughout it into my daily life. I've never been a huge fan of self help books, as I believe that each individuals' experiences are very different, and there isn't an "end all be all" answer to coping and healing. This specifically is one of the reasons i loved this book. It provided several different women's accounts/experiences with their mothers, and which path and method of healing they chose for themselves. There is no single direction one must work towards to mend damage done. Some women in this book chose to continue to work through their relationships, some continued to work through the relationships while setting strict boundaries, and some chose to cut off the relationships entirely. All paths being valid and deeply pertaining to the individual. Another part of the book that I enjoyed was the follow up to each patient, learning what did and did not work for them etc. My biggest takeaway from this book was understanding that you cannot change someone who refuses to, that that is okay, and that focusing on healing and moving on, or setting boundaries is crucial for your own emotional well being and worth. I would highly recommend this book to anyone seeking clarity and affirmation. Know that you are not alone, and that it starts by changing your self worth and unpacking the emotional damage, laying it on the table, and tackling it head on.

I am not very good at giving reviews.But this book helped me start my healing. After 49 years of mental abuse, this book helped me to finally learn to just let go of my narcissistic mother. I have been told many times, that because she is my "mother", that this is the only mother I will ever have, and I need to love her and spend as much time with her that I can because one day she will be gone. That made it seem to me that I was giving her this free pass to treat me so terribly just because she was my mother. I was able to finally admit to myself that I was neglected as a child. I was mentally abused continuously, and the depression, the lack of self confidence that I have had for many years originates from her. I was NEVER able to admit that to myself, because I was meant to believe that my mother was perfect, and the fact that she was my mother she could not do anything wrong and I could not disrespect her that way. This book helped me see that I wasn't alone. Forty-nine years is long enough time to endure being with a narcissistic mother. I am just now able to heal myself and tell myself that it is simply ok, to not allow this kind of behavior into my life just because she is the person that gave birth to me, I do not want this toxic behavior anymore around me, and especially around my children, and grandchildren.

This is the clearest and most helpful book I have read on this subject: the author explains the various types of abuse practised by mothers lacking in empathy and illustrates each type with a case study. She then goes on to explain what the daughters can do to understand and improve their position. I would definitely recommend this to any woman (it is addressed to daughters) suffering from this problem, particularly as Ms. Forward is very realistic and totally lacking in sentimentality.