My Heart and Other Black Holes audiobook

trigger warning for suicide with this book. Where do I even begin? This story was at times hard to read, not because it was bad (it was AMAZING), but because it was so dark. I wanted to dive into this book and lead the characters in a different direction. I'm struggling finding words to express my feelings for this book. I'll just simply say, I loved it.

Does a dead body still have potential energy or does it get transferred into something else? Can potential energy just evaporate into nothingness? That’s the question I don’t know the answer to. That’s the question that haunts me.3 1/2 stars. This book was pretty much perfect until the big thing that made it not so perfect anymore. However, I still think it's a clever, addicting, sensitive, honest and insightful story about depression, especially in the beginning. It follows the pattern of other popular books that I didn't enjoy so much - like The Fault in Our Stars and All the Bright Places - but the characters felt more real and less annoyingly pretentious. Plus, I loved the philosophy/physics angle.My Heart and Other Black Holes starts very well. Having suffered with depression at times in my life and seen my mother deal with it too, I can completely relate to Aysel's descriptions of her sadness and inner struggle. Warga apparently wrote this book after the death of her close friend, in order to manage her own emotions and I think it's evident that she understands her subject. Like how the worst of it happens inside of you: What people never understand is that depression isn’t about the outside; it’s about the inside. Something inside me is wrong. Sure, there are things in my life that make me feel alone, but nothing makes me feel more isolated and terrified than my own voice in my head. And the wish to be invisible that sometimes borders on agoraphobia: In these moments, it always feels like my skin is too thin, like everyone can see right inside me, can see my empty and dark insides. When Aysel decides she needs a suicide partner to finally put an end to her misery, she meets up with Roman. Both of them are very different and very realistic. Aysel might be a really smart physics nerd, but her "voice" feels like that of a real person; a real teenager. And Roman is proof that not all depression sufferers are nerdy outsiders and emos. I also really enjoyed the conversation between them - both the serious discussions and the darkly comic aspects.I wondered how the physics theme was going to play into the story and was skeptical about whether I'd like it. As it turns out, I did. I thought the weaving together of philosophy and physics was really interesting. The question about what happens to us when we die is an old one, but I found this take on it refreshing - if energy cannot disappear but can only be transferred, what happens to our energy when we die?My issue with this book started during the last 25%. Warga had built up a strong novel with strong characters who, though bitter, were extremely likable. She'd brought depression, death, life, philosophy and science to the table in an intriguing blend... and then Aysel, um, recovers.I don't know how else to explain it. (view spoiler)[Aysel finally admits she has feelings for Rowan and suddenly, overnight, it's like the depression has started to be washed away:He’s no longer the person I want to die with; he’s the person I want to be alive with.I find this to be many things - lazy, untruthful, even a damaging message. Depression is not something that can be cured overnight. As Aysel noted earlier, it's far more to do with the inner illness than the outer circumstances. I wouldn't go so far as to portray this as a "love cures all" book - personally, I didn't even think it was very romancey - but it completely misrepresents depression and suicidal thinking by suggesting that someone can flick a switch in their brain and decide to be happy and alive. (hide spoiler)]I don't like that suggestion and I needed it to be noted. But I still believe this is a good book. Enjoyable, dark, but funny too. Clever and interesting. I just wish the last 25% had been stronger.Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Tumblr

I really enjoyed this. The whole idea of suicide partners provided a very different look at mental illness. I loved the striking honesty and the hope woven throughout the story. Really a great read.

I don't even know where to begin. This is such a special, weird, complicated, beautiful book. I'm a clinical psychologist who spent several years doing therapy almost exclusively with kids and teenagers. This is the book I wish my clients could have read. Aysel's voice is vivid and sad and quietly snarky - she's just so messy and real. She flips the switch from heartbreaking to hilarious in the span of a paragraph. She's sullen and brilliant and frustrating and gorgeously imperfect. Warga nailed her portrayal of clinical depression, but even more so, she created an achingly familiar, completely realistic teenage character who isn't defined by diagnostic labels. And then she shows us all the messy, dark stuff that truly is a part of reality for so many kids. I think it's so difficult and terrifying to talk about suicidality in a way that connects with the lived experience of these teens. Warga goes there, fearlessly - and I think this authenticity is so sorely needed.

4 stars! “Sometimes I wonder if my heart is like a black hole--it's so dense that there's no room for light, but that doesn't mean it can't still suck me in.” 
My Heart and Other Black Holes was a unique and at times painful YA read about dealing with depression and guilt. I felt that this story very accurately displayed what it’s like to feel that kind of depression and the desperation that comes along with it. It’s about Asyel and Roman and the battle they’re both facing. Asyel and Roman don’t have much in common. Besides the fact that they both want to die. This is a heavy story. It tackles sensitive topics and it won’t be for everyone, but it sucked me in from the start. I didn’t want to put it down. And even with all the heavy, there were funny moments, moments that felt hopeful and full of promise. Everyone has something or someone worth living for. Even people in the darkest of places. It’s just finding out what it is.

I found this to be an emotional, powerful read with beautifully broken characters and a storyline that made me feel from start to finish! I would recommend this one to lovers of YA looking for something less on the fluffy/fun side. “He’s no longer the person I want to die with; he’s the person I want to be alive with.”

*Roman's turn for 2015 favorite re-read!!!* :P "Be careful," he says."Why?" I’m not thinking about being careful. I’m thinking about one last push, of letting go, of flying, and of falling.“You aren’t allowed to die without me,” he whispers. *Indiscernible noise* Did you hear that? What’s that, you ask? That noise….what is that noise??? Let me tell you what that noise is: That’s the sound of my heart beating, my soul soaring, my spirits shining blindingly bright, my fangirl screeching….That, my lovely Goodread friends, is the sound of me falling head over heels in love with yet another book. But no, hear me out. This isn’t simply just a book, this is the book that I have been staring at for months…MONTHS. I don’t do sad books, ya hear? Never. Nada. No way, Jose. I HATE SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY for senseless sadness with no happy ending-Capiche? But for some reason…this book continued to call to me. I won’ t lie and say it has the best reviews ever-it doesn’t. I also won’t go so far as to say it has horrible reviews-it really, truly doesn’t. What we have here, folks, is a case of what you are looking for in a book and what you are willing to accept in a book. I guess…I guess I just didn’t know what I was looking for. When I saw this book, it was insta-love at it’s finest. Chelsea sees cover, Chelsea falls in love. Simple. Chelsea reads blurb? Chelsea falls in love….except for that teeny tiny detail, hmm, what was it? Oh yeah-this book centered around two suicidal teens. Yikes…Heavy much? Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood. If I know anything about it, this is what I know: It’s impossible to escape. So what did I do next? I did what I always do: I researched the shit out of this book. But not before I hastily exited out of the browser once I saw ‘suicide pact.’ I will admit I’m a morbidly curious person, and I refuse to read sad, overly-hyped books simply because I don’t want to cry into my cheerios for the hell of it. I’ve never understood the people who can do that shit over and over again…I mean, fuck, don’t we have enough sadness in this world? Why put yourself through that? I still don’t get it-even now. And yet….After jumping out of the browsing history, I found myself relentlessly going back to this book every week or two-It was like clockwork. So, like a stupid cat, I let my curiosity get the best of me and I began my extensive (yet careful-I’ve mastered the art of being thorough in my research without spoiling MUAHAHA) research on whether this book was ‘Chelsea safe’. My head told me stay away, continually. But my heart wanted more. I spend a lot of time wondering what dying feels like. What dying sounds like. If I’ll burst like those notes, let out my last cries of pain, and then go silent forever. Or maybe I’ll turn into a shadowy static that’s barely there, if you just listen hard enough. My point? After months and months and weeks and weeks of being a total poonanner about this book, I took the plunge-I one clicked the sonuvabitch and set a date to read it. I was nervous, admittedly, being the way I am about my book characters. Anyone who knows me, even a little, knows I find a deep, visceral connection with them-Almost always. And, even more so, I add new bbfs to my list like, well, books to my TBR pile. So, getting back to the point of me getting to the point-I am so glad I listened to my heart. My whole face burns and my stomach clenches and unclenches like a fist. It’s not like I feel guilty-after all, it’s not my fault her son wants to kill himself. But I didn’t exactly want to meet his family. This is the soccer mom problem I was trying to avoid. Two strikes against FrozenRobot-a pet turtle and a loving mom. If I were pickier, I’d say he had too much baggage. But considering my situation, I’m in no position to be choosy. This book was something special to me. No, I don’t have a history with depression, nor do I really, truly know someone who suffers from it. You can call me out on this, that’s for sure. But I think there are so many books where people can cry ‘You don’t know anything about […] so how can you say this is good or bad or accurate?’ Well, I can’t-But what I can tell you is how beautiful it was. How the writing flowed seamlessly from page to page and pulled you in so deep you felt like you were wading in honey because it was so smooth and flawless and, shockingly….sweet. This book, this book I had avoided for months on end because I thought the darkness would swallow me whole, was sweet. And this is exactly why Roman didn’t want a flake. But he ended up with a flake. A grade-A flake. Though, it’s his fault. He’s the one who turned me into one. But how can that be, you ask?? This book is about two depressed teens who have a literal date set to commit suicide. And God do I know that it feels wrong to talk about this like its no big deal because ‘it’s just a book.’ No, it’s not like that to me. It’s a big deal-Suicide is not a joke. It’s not about fictionalizing a dark, heavy matter for the sake of making some money for a story, it’s not about shedding fake, positive light about something that families suffer from every day, and it breaks my heart that people actually feel this way. To feel like there is no way out, that the only answer for suffering is to end your life-I don’t take that shit lightly, and it kills me that people don’t find that help they need before it’s too late. But this is a book, and I guess if I had to say one thing about it…..it felt real. It felt wholly authentic to me, and not once did I feel it was contrived or misplaced in it’s message. It was dark, morbid, and relentless in the ultimate end result-they wanted to do this, and not a chapter went by without this reminder. But it was also so full of hope, humor, longing, and a desire for things to be different than they were/are. All of a sudden, I realize what that shadowy something is. It’s joy. FrozenRobot loves basketball. He loves playing it. No matter how hard he tries to push that joy away, it’s there. I wonder if joy has potential energy. Or if there is potential energy that leads to joy, like a happiness serum that lingers in people’s stomachs and slowly bubbles up to create the sensation we know as happiness. And I think that is ultimately why this book called to me even as all the others repelled me-I’m not out to get some sick kick from these teenagers’ suffering. I felt the hope shining through all the darkness…and I saw that there was a possible happy ending for these two. Most of the books you see with this subject matter scream ‘You. Will. Cry.’ And, again, that’s not why I choose to read. I choose to read because I want to escape reality and find solace in the pages of something that I know nothing about, if only to expand my mind in ways I never dreamed possible. And that is the definition of this book for me-While I have never suffered from depression myself, I feel, if only a little bit, like I got a good, hard look into the mind of two young teens who were depressed…And now, just maybe, I’ll think twice before discarding these signs in the future. I felt a deep, visceral connection not only to Aysel, but to Roman, as well. These two were beyond words to me-I loved them for their beautiful, broken minds. I cried for their vulnerability and aches so deep that the pain was unbearable-but invisible to the eye. And I hated them for their selfishness-for not seeing the effect they were going to have on other people when they were gone. But, admittedly, I didn’t hate them-not even a little bit, not even at all. ;) (Eh? Eh? Name that moviiiie) I guess he’s right: I am a flake. But maybe meeting Roman has helped me to understand myself better. Yes, I’m broken. And yes, he’s broken. But the more we talk about it, the more we share our sadness, the more I start to believe that there could be a chance to fix us, a chance that we could save each other. Now that I’ve lost the majority of you (Come back? Pleeeease?) I absolutely have to talk about these characters who touched my soul. Like Aysel, the girl who had no one to turn to at her darkest hour, who feared what she would become because of her father’s actions; the girl who walked through the hallways trying to dodge the whispering and murmurs and venomous accusations. This young girl who, despite what we are always taught…saw no other way out. Aysel was a dark person-and with that darkness was a humor that somehow managed to lighten her. Her mind, while toxic with her intentions, was a quirky minefield of intelligent musings about physics and classical music. While it was harsh at first to hear how bleak she was about what her life was leading to, I eventually found solace in her mind because she really and truly was an intelligent and accomplished girl who had so much to live for…Even if she couldn’t see it. He’s no longer FrozenRobot, my suicide partner from the internet. He’s Roman, the boy who kissed me by the river and held me all night. To me, there’s a difference. A big difference.He’s no longer the person I want to die with; he’s the person I want to be alive with. And then Roman-Aka FrozenRobot. Lmao, while the name probably isn’t supposed to be funny, Aysel’s quips about it inside her mind cracked me up from the moment we first see that name. But, seriously-My dear, tortured Roman. Roman was by far the darkest of the two-The most serious, the most dedicated to what was coming…the most determined to follow through….it was tragic. It feels weird and wrong to say I was obsessed with Roman but…I was. His pain and heartache were palpable from the moment we first meet him. But, even more than that, he wasn’t what you’d expect: Popular, athletic, and smothered with love from an overprotective mother. I just…I can’t. I can’t even. I adored him. I adored his story. I adored his personality, his kindness, his protectiveness of Aysel, and his longing to know her…even as the days before their pact wore down like sand in an hourglass. I wonder if that’s how darkness wins, by convincing us to trap it inside ourselves, instead of emptying it out. People might even say I’m belittling the story’s message by saying how much I loved their romance- I don’t give a fuck . This romance was heart-stopping, butterfly inducing, I-can’t-breathe-because-of-the-feels addicting…and I’m not ashamed nor embarrassed to tout that. I believe, despite the probably unpopular opinion, that the romance is what made them begin to heal-what gave them hope. Hope that someone finally understood them, understood the pain of what it feels like to be utterly crushed and like your soul was being sucked into a black vortex of nothingness every single day of your life. Romance doesn’t solve the whole world’s problems…but finding a friend who understands you, who loves you for who you are? I believe, in my heart of hearts, that this makes a huge difference in a person’s well-being-depressed or not. That’s MY opinion, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I adored them together…and I adored them separately. Their message stirred something deep inside of me, and I won’t likely forget it for a long time. When Aysel starts to realize life just might be worth living….will she be able to pull Roman off the ledge before it’s too late? "You’re like a gray sky. You’re beautiful, even though you don’t want to be.” I’m not going to spoil their fates…that would be wrong of me. But I think it needs to be said that, not every book has to end in tragedy to make a big impact or for you to love it-and I know most people aren’t like that-like me, and my closest friends, for instance. But I must say, I see the best ratings popping up for tragic books. And let me ask you this….if that person hadn’t died or this or that hadn’t happened….Would it still have been epic in your eyes? Unforgettable? Astounding? I see this a lot and I just had to say that. This book, whether tragic or not, was alluring and addicting from page one. There was never a dull or boring moment, and the story never dragged. The writing flowed smoothly and the book was over in a blur-it was never a chore to finish this, even as the scary possibility of what was to come drew nearer. Quite the opposite, in fact. I literally, I kid you not, could. Not. Stop. Thinking. About. This. Book. It was midnight when I picked it up, and had to put it down at 50%-literally, I had to force myself-to savor the last 50%. I wasn’t even tired. I just couldn’t ruin what was possibly one of my favorite books this year by cramming it all into one late night sitting. Everything used to seem so final, inevitable, predestined. But now I’m starting to believe that life may have more surprises in store than I ever realized. Maybe it’s all relative, not just light and time like Einstein theorized, but everything. Like life can seem awful and unfixable until the universe shifts a little and the observation point is altered, and then suddenly, everything seems more bearable. So, it’s all up to what you’re looking for, really. Me? I was looking for something to touch me on a deeper level, looking for something that made me feel-and not in the perilous kind of way, for once. I just wanted authentic, real characters who had actual problems….and I got it. I will never support the real act-It’s just my personal belief-but this book….it touched my heart in ways I never imagined possible. And for that, I will be eternally grateful. (Again, name that movviieee :P)For more of my reviews, please visit:

3.5 stars rounded up because it’s my last book review for 2016 ^^It is my steadfast personal principle that my life is never mine to take and it’s why I try to avoid books on suicide as much as possible but I’ve heard a lot of good things about My Heart and Other Black Holes and I got really intrigued with the idea on “suicide partners” so I took the plunge and I could now say that it was totally worth the risk. The two characters in the story make me empathize with their causes because they believe there is no other better course in life than to end their own. Although I think the story lacks better resolutions on several conflicts and that the turning point and conclusion sort of just happened in a nearly fairytale like fashion, I think this is a significantly unique debut novel about two people who met at the darkest times of their lives written in a very smart and witty manner that readers would enjoy despite the sad themes. I knew I had good reason to empathize with the characters because they do grow in the story. Although their resolve to end their lives is as stiff as an unwashed sock for three years, knowing each other brought a change to both their lives whether they acknowledge it or not and that simple change is really all it takes to make a difference. I think many of our young people today heavily seek validation and acceptance from society- others even depend their lives on it. The story reminds us however how flimsy and unreliable it is to always seek other people’s approval to prove your self-worth when all you really need is the acceptance and love of the people you love and those who truly matter to you. The book also reminds that there are still many kindhearted people out there. It’s just sometimes we tend to think the worst of other people when often, many of them (even strangers) genuinely care. ;)Happy early birthday,my lovely friend, Chelsea. I wish you a wonderful 2017 with your family. Here’s my baby Leo to render you a birthday dance number.

4 stars! “Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.” Sixteen year old Aysel is ready to die. Thrown in the aftermath of her father’s actions, she has been shunned and pulled away from everyone close in her life. An outcast at school and in her own home, Aysel has been spending her time browsing suicide websites where she meets Roman. They make a pact to kill themselves on a specific day, and in order to keep up pretenses for their families, they begin to spend time together. “You're like a grey sky. You're beautiful, even though you don't want to be.” I’m not normally one for the teen suicide genre, I find I cannot relate often times and cannot understand the desire to take one’s own life. Imagine my surprise when my heart just bled for Aysel and Roman and each of their situations. Aysel brought my eyes to tears multiple times in the beginning of this book. She was thrust into a horrible life situation very suddenly, the actions of her father ruining her life and the lives of others. She’s shunned by her classmates at school, and she stays away from those trying to be nice to her because she doesn’t want them hurt by association. Her family doesn’t know how to reach her, and at times it seems like they don’t want to.Roman had an equally horrific reason for wanting to take his own life, one shrouded in guilt I couldn’t even begin to understand. As a romantic interest, he wasn’t my favorite because while he accepted Aysel and didn’t judge her, he also didn’t seem to have her best interests at heart. In fact he was a lot more invested in the pact than he was in a friendship with Aysel. “Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.” I picked up this book and couldn’t put it back down. Reading this book you wouldn’t think this was a debut novel by this author. I honestly think her books will only continue to get better based on the great quality of this first book. Aysel was my favorite part of this book, I never at any point felt her feelings were unjustified, even if her turn around was fairly quick. This is a young adult novel that I feel will stand the test of time. “I will be stronger than my sadness.”

The beginning of this book was really difficult for me to read, but I'm really glad I stuck with it because I ended up really loving this story.

Before reading MY HEART AND OTHER BLACK HOLES, I never expected that a book about a teen suicide pact could be so full of hope. And yet, that's exactly what I felt while reading it. Of course, it was the *heartbreaking* sort of hope, the kind where I grew to love Aysel and Roman, two characters who have so much passion and potential, yet direct that energy toward their mutual goal: helping each other die. Watching Aysel and Roman get to know each other was such a good reminder that the way we see ourselves isn't always reliable. That we should be wary of letting guilt and shame become dark clouds we define ourselves by—because, for every dark cloud, there are silver linings of empathy, tenderness, a sense of humor, artistic talent, kindness toward animals, love, and so much more. That, sometimes, all it takes is a connection with someone who gets us to show us we're not as alone as we think we are. I think this will be an important book in the world because it has the potential to BE that connection for those who are reluctant to talk with an actual human about the dark clouds that haunt them—through Aysel and Roman, perhaps they will finally find someone to identify with. If this book shows just one person that their unique life is worth living, or takes the weight out of the burdens they carry, it will be a wonderful thing. I suspect, though, it will be a much-needed ray of light for far more than just one person.

“Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.” __________________________________This book will get under your skin and live inside you. It is tragic, empowering (it has a few hopeful moments), and beautiful. I can not get enough of this book. It's truly incredible. 1) The Plot Sixteen year old Aysel has been suffering depression ever since her father committed an awful crime. It's gotten to the point where the only way out of her sadness is to end it all. So, she decides she wants to commit suicide. She can't do it alone, so she finds a website dedicated to help people kill themselves and to find a person who's willing to kill themselves with Aysel. Whenever she finds Roman-the guy who is willing to kill himself with her-, they have nothing in common. But eventually their path becomes more concrete, and Aysel questions if she wants to actually do it.So, just from the synopsis alone, one can tell that this is a serious book that deals with serious topics. This book is so dark, and it deals with mental-illness in a way that is incredibly truthful, and as someone who fights depression and has multiple suicide attempts, this book is insanely accurate. A lot of books have delved into mental illness, especially the topic of depression and suicide, just to name a few: All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven (which I honestly didn't enjoy) and I Was Here by Gayle Forman (which I also didn't like). So, I was hesitant to see if this book would be like those two or if it could stand on its own, and it did. This book also made me cry in the last 100 pages or so multiple times. If you are struggling with suicidal urges, please tell someone immediately or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255 I'm not going to say it gets better, but life is worth fighting for, and if you kill yourself, you'll never know what might have been. 2) The Characters Aysel - She is one to the most incredible protagonists I've ever read from. Her whole story is heartbreaking, and she's just so lost, and you desperately want her to find herself.Roman - Likewise with Roman, he is incredibly broken after a dramatic event in his life. Both of the characters are easy to relate to, especially if you're dealing with depression. Their story broke my heart, and I am so eager to read anything else this woman writes. 3) The Writing - “Sometimes I wonder if my heart is like a black hole--it's so dense that there's no room for light, but that doesn't mean it can't still suck me in.” - “It's like your sadness is so deep and overwhelming that you're worried it will drown everyone else in your life if you let them too close to it.”- "I bet if you cut open my stomach, the black slug of depression would slide out.” - “He was fucking sad. That's it. That's the point. He knows life is never going to get any different for him. That there's no fixing him. It's always going to be the same monotonous depressing bullshit. Boring, sad, boring, sad. He just wants it to be over.” 4) Conclusion This book changed me and how I see things.★★★★★/5 Stars!!!!

"Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.”Oh where to begin...I loved how simple it was, how real it was, and how I was able to connect with it. The amount of times I had to take breaks from reading this book was ridiculous. I found with each page I was captivated by the story. Jasmine Warga handled the topics of depression and suicide perfectly by expressing the rawness of both situations. I know I will be rereading this book so many more times and I would highly recommend this book.

I wonder if that's how darkness wins, by convincing us to trap it inside ourselves, instead of emptying it out. Wow. What a powerful and painful and beautiful book, though not at all in the way I was expecting. This book pretty much snuck up on me. It's normally not a "me" book anyway (depressing subject matter = Danielle runs for the hills), and halfway through I wasn't sure where it was going. It's actually quite funny thanks to a snarky narrator, but it seemed almost aimless. Somewhere along the way, though, it pulled me into its orbit. It happened so subtly and gradually that I was almost suprised when tears were tracking down my cheeks. Now that's what I call a meaningful reading experience.I think, for me, I expected Jasmine Warga's debut to be very difficult to read and sad and heavy, from beginning to end. Like The Sea of Tranquility. So when that didn't happen, I had to recalibrate my expectations. Now having read it all the way through, I'm grateful that such a heavy subject matter was treated with sensitivity and frankness, but not in a way that made it hard for me to concentrate on anything but that aching feeling and a sense of dread. The heart and soul of this book are its characters, and I ended up caring for them so much. I could see the black holes they had fallen into, but I could see the light for them too, and I was hoping they'd find it. Don't get me wrong, Asyel and Roman's stories aren't anything but painful; Roman's especially killed me. And in no way is depression romanticized or trivialized. It's a very real issue that the book treats with all seriousness. There's just more that both characters realize they can give and fight for. I never felt like all hope was lost, which I greatly needed.The book begins with two teenagers meeting because they agree to be suicide partners. Asyel (her name rhymes with gazelle) and Roman are suffering for very different reasons, but their pain looks the same. For this reason the bond that forms between them is both genuine and intimate. It was almost strange for me, because I knew they were still planning to commit suicide together, but I loved seeing their relationship develop. It's not like they get along all that perfectly, but they clearly start to care about each other. Their interactions have a sweetness to them; soft, unexpected touches and quiet confessions and acceptance. Maybe this is a little bit of "love is a cure", but it was believable to me. There is no instant healing or answers, but slowly the blackness starts to leak out of them and love is what's left. I think what makes these characters so special to me is their togetherness, the way each sees the other, if that makes any sense. It's not always an easy romance to accept, but romantic and believable to me. And maybe that's why I haven't told him. Not because I'm scared that he won't want to die with me anymore, but because I'm terrified that he'll still want me to die. That he'll agree that I should die. The writing itself is beautiful throughout, but it's in the second half when the book truly won me over. Asyel's character growth is just stunning. I already loved her snark and frank viewpoint, and her obsession with theoretical physics is quirky and endearing. When she begins to see things differently and want different things for herself, it feels natural and not sudden. I really believed she was crawling out of her black hole. Roman, however, scared the hell out of me. If I hadn't already peeked at the ending, I wouldn't know which way this book was going to go. We get glimpses of the boy he used to be - and still maybe is or could be - and his constant hand holding and half smiles made me all gooey - but he's still so empty on the inside. My heart broke for him; I doubt anyone will be able to not suffer with Roman for his loss. If you're thinking this story may not be for you because of the subject matter, I sincerely hope you'll reconsider. My Heart and Other Black Holes is morbid and painful - and so important of a message - but it's also hopeful and wonderfully told. Asyel and Roman are two characters who will stay with me for a good long while. Maybe death is what brings them together, but they needed each other for so much more.This review can also be found at Love at First Page.

** spoiler alert ** ★★★★" Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood. If I know anything about it, this is what I know: It’s impossible to escape. "This is beyond true. I for one suffered with depression from I was seven, straight through high school and college where it grew to an alarming and frightening state. I can remember watching cars zip by and willing myself to just step in the road and be done with it all. Yes, it was that bad.I despised myself so bad, like I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror because all I could see staring back were all the flaws everyone; especially family members, would point out. I was too dark, my eyes were too big, I looked too much like my mother and I was going to be a failure like her, I was stupid and it goes on and on. . . Those were some painful times and frankly it drove me to the brink. But I saved myself. I found that the less I cared about what people thought about me and the more I accepted who I was, then the less painful these comments would be. It was all about self acceptance and self love, and so I was on my way to being happy.____________________________________What I loved about this was that it hit home, it brought back memories because I too was criticized and disliked because of my mother. And for what because she was stupid/brave enough to have me and everyday I would be reminded by this. Yeah people suck, especially those closest to you. And to imagine poor Aysel, who had it worse. It was real terrible what her father did but it was even worse what happened to her. How everyone directed their hate and fears towards a young girl who didn't do anything except have the genes of the man who killed a 'superstar'. (Yeah people really suck!)It was really hard reading this because I hate crying. I really do. And at the beginning of this novel that's all I did, but towards the end I saw where Aysel started to change (thanks to Roman). She began actually looking forward to her future, something a few weeks before was foreign to her, and as she grew happy so did I.I'm just really glad she turned out to be a flake.This book rocks! You should read it, even though it's a tad depressing it's totally worth it.