My Heart Underwater audiobook

In the debut novel by Laurel Flores Fantauzzo, My Heart Underwater, we follow Cory after a crisis sends her from her home outside of Los Angeles to Manila, where she creates a new home with the half-brother she didn’t grow up with. According to those around her, 17-year old Cory is a SoCal FilAm Catholic school tomboy, but the description that hurts the most, “the worst mistake of her life,” comes from her impossible crush, a new teacher. Fantauzzo’s coming of age novel is a wise, complex exploration of a young person on the cusp of adulthood as she navigates the in-between: childhood vs adulthood; rage vs love; the life her parents’ chose for her vs the one she will create for herself; being a Filipinx in America and being an American in the Philippines. Readers who yearn for stories closer to the nuances, contradictions, and messiness of real life will love Cory and root for her as she steps into her own life.

4.5/5 starsThanks to the publisher and Netgalley for providing this e-arc!I adored this book so much! It felt refreshing and rewarding to know that i could understand the tagalog dialogue as i've definitely struggled in the past with other languages. Idk if this is even a correct comparison but this seems like a lighter version of My Dark Vanessa. (I'll delete if it turns out to not be). I also lowkey felt nostalgic for a bit, having lived nearby QC myself. My "problem" with this book not personally feeling like a 5 star is how the romance felt a bit rushed. IMO even in both situations

Pro take:Cory has always felt like an outsider, especially at the Catholic high school she attends on a scholarship. This year, she’s started to develop romantic feelings for Ms. Holden, her history teacher. Then, tragedy strikes her family. One thing leads to another, and Cory is sent to the Philippines to stay with the half-brother she’s never met in person. Fantauzzo’s ownvoices story describes the experience of feeling in between cultures. Her Filapina roots lead to exclusion at her school, and when she gets to the Philippines, people refer to her as a FilAm. Her emerging sexual identity is not embraced in either culture. Coping with the unfolding events back home while also dealing with culture shock is overwhelming. It’s also authentic and real. Fantauzzo describes real places in the Philippines in beautiful prose. Highly recommended for high school and public libraries. More:- It took me way too long to put together that Cory was short for Corazon, hence the title.- It's very much from Cory's perspective, such that I never felt like I fully understood where Ms. Holden, in particular, was coming from or thinking.- I really appreciated the relationship with the cousin, and the contrast of experiences that gave the story.- I had so much fun searching up pictures of the various locations mentioned in this book! - I found it interesting how major a role music played in the lives of many of the side characters, in contrast to Cory's attachment to it. - I appreciated the representation of FB stalking.- I appreciated the depiction of watching a major medical issue unfold without knowing how it's going to "end." How stressful that is, how long-term scary it is.- As someone who is currently (in 2021!) semi-estranged from my parents because my partner is a woman, I FELT parts of this book. And I wished that situation had been clarified a bit more before the book ended. Although leaving it not totally resolved does feel authentic to my experience. In any case, ouch.- Extra star for the Filipina intersectional representation.- Just realized I never mention where Cory lives prior to being sent to the Philippines. It's California. Sheesh, my biases are showing.

Was recommended to me by a friend and really glad I read it when I did. Didn’t know I needed some of the healing I got while reading and definitely cried on multiple occasions.

Corazon is going through some though times. Her father is in a coma after an accident and the only person she thinks she can understand her is her history teacher, Ms. Holden. The truth is Corazon has feelings for Ms. Holden and when her mother caught the two of them kissing, Corazon is sent to the Philippines. She then discovers a lot of things about her own family and her distant half-brother.The book is divided into two parts. The first part is set in the U.S and the second is in the Philippines. The second part is definitely my favorite and I liked that the setting somehow felt like a character too. I thought the author did a great job describing the different places and even give specific details on everyday lives in the Philippines. Reading this book made me miss living in the Philippines. Watching my favorite bands perfom (I love the UP Fair), eating fishballs, going to the beach and a lot more. There’s just one thing that I noticed. The author consistently mention the poverty in the country which I appreciate because it’s accurate and true but there’s no need to bring it up like every chapter. It became quite repetitive.I loved the character development and the family dynamic in this book. I wasn’t entirely sure about Corey’s character at first because she seemed ungrateful and unrespectful. But I got to know her more throughout the story and I was able to sympathize with her. She comes from a Catholic family, goes to a Catholic school and she’s queer. This made her feel like an outsider and a disappointment to her parents. She is also scared and worried for her father.I was very satisfied with how the teacher-student relationship turned out in the story. I thought that the romance (not the teacher-student) towards the end seems unnecessary. I don’t have problems with insta-love especially if I feel like I know both of the characters involved but in this book the romance felt like an afterthought. Overall, this was a great debut novel and I can’t wait to read more from this author.

Thank you to NetGalley and HarperCollins Publishers for the ARC of this book. This is a great novel about finding yourself. In the beginning, I could really relate to Corazon on so many levels: her trouble fitting in, her not knowing what she wants to do in life, and that all-encompassing teenage sapphic crush made worse by Catholic guilt. Flores Fantauzzo does an incredible job portraying the vivid details of an adolescent crush, and i felt like I had been transported back to high school. When the accident happened and Corazon’s world was altered, I got a lump in my throat and nearly cried along with her. And of course it’s wonderful that this is an #ownvoices novel and we get to read about Filipinx culture from a firsthand perspective. Like, the first half of the book is SO emotionally vivid, and at one point I was certain I’d give this book five stars. But...while the Part Two of the book was still good and included great themes, I felt it was lackluster compared to the first half. The characters we meet in Part Two just...aren’t as vivid as the ones from Part One, and I was disappointed because I wanted them to be. I wanted more content dedicated to Corazon’s family/family friends/new friends in the Philippines. I felt like there were so many characters suddenly introduced, and Part One made me think we’d get to know each one intimately. But we didn’t, and I was a bit let down. Overall, this is a moving story and one I’d definitely recommend.

This book warmed my heart. I have NEVER read a book with filipino representation, let alone a queer filipina main character who’s first generation. Initially that’s what grabbed me pickup the book. I listened to it on audio, and the author was phenomenal. Truly captured the essence, her performances were spot on! Anytime I heard a corny joke, or some exaggerated gossip from a tita in this book I couldn’t help but laugh. I saw similarities between my dad and Cory’s dad, and related so well to Cory’s feeling of being out of touch with your roots and culture, growing up in North America. The Jeepneys, tricycles, descriptions of how one place is so developed and the next street over is slumped with poverty all reminded me so much of my own experiences visiting the Philippines. There was even a mention of Cavité in this book, where my mom’s family is from. I just found so many connections with this book that I haven’t had with any other coming of age contemporaries I’ve read in recent years. This book I’ll always keep close to the heart!

3.8 ⭐️•AAAHHH!!! Who knew I’d cherish Jun and Cory’s relationship this much? Love the character development(s), and that being said, I love that Cory found contentment now. The ending is not so satisfactory for me, and I feel like I need to know more about their dad and how Jun and Cory will keep in touch. I know I should be in the present and not worrying much, but starting to love their relationship and then left hanging are not something I enjoy HAHA. Anyway, great book!

I had mixed feelings when I started this book, still do— because it involves a highly inappropriate relationship dynamic that I don’t think the LGBTQ+ community needs, given that it’s hard enough to be an LGBTQ+ educator in Catholic schools. That being said, I’m glad they made it clear how wrong it was in the storyline and that they vilified the teacher appropriately. What I really root for in this book is the representation of Filipinx family dynamics between the US and the Philippines— it helped me visualize it, and resonated with me, much like Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay did. I don’t think I’d recommend it personally to young adults though, for my reluctance that it would add to a untrue stereotype that LGBTQ+ people are predators.

My Heart Underwater is a touching story about self-discovery and acceptance, as well as about the relationships you encounter in life and learning to balance them and tell good relationships from bad. When the novel opens, Corizon (Cory) is going to a catholic school and is experiencing guilt over being gay. She regularly prays to the statue of Mary for forgiveness for her crush on her History teacher, and she feels as if she does not live up to her parents’ expectations. All this leaves her emotionally vulnerable when her father has an accident that leaves him in a coma, and she and her teacher end up crossing a boundary which neither meant to cross, and Cory is sent to live with her elder half-brother, Jun, in the Philippines. There, she meets family members who help her to better understand her parents’ personalities, as well as becoming friends with Jun’s friends and learning to better understand both Jun and herself.This novel perfectly illustrated what life is like as a young queer person. Although I cannot speak for teens of color, I know what it is like to not fit the standards set out, or that you assume are set out, in a religious family. When you realize you are not straight, that your future does not hold the heterosexual church marriage and 2.5 biological children you are expected to pursue, it can be hard to handle. Even before you tell anyone, even if no one has said anything to you directly about your identity, the negative opinions and outright unacceptance that surrounds us every day can make you feel shame for simply existing, nevermind even considering actually living your life as who you really are. So, I can relate to the pain the Cory underwent in the first half, and can also understand the desire for attention, any positive attention, she could get when her already stressful life was only further complicated by a family medical emergency, even if both she and her teacher understood that the relationship they had formed was not right. Furthermore, I love the characterization of Cory’s family and Jun’s friends once Cory arrives in the Phillipines in the second half. Seeing the strict and unfair environment her mother was raised in gave a lot of background for why she acted the way she did towards Cory, as well as providing a level of hope that, no matter how strict she may be with her daughter, Cory’s mother knows what it is like to not feel accepted by one’s parents and will therefore possibly be more willing to put her daughter’s happiness above her own feelings when the time really counts. Furthermore, all of Jun’s friends are so unique yet make up such a warm and cohesive second family for Cory in order to help her heal and find herself, and to realize that the only opinions that truly count are those of the people who will love and support her no matter who she is or who she loves.If you are a young person currently struggling to reconcile your identity with your upbringing, or if you are an older queer person who remembers the pain of escaping the oppression of a close-minded society, then I highly recommend this novel. It is beautiful and touching and it shows that there is so much more to life outside of the restrictions placed on you by a strict upbringing. You are perfect the way you, and you will find someone who loves and cares for you someday, whether it is a lover or a close friend or a sibling or cousin who turns out to be much more open minded than you ever realize before you were both able to speak freely. Just as Cory is able to find a healthy relationship and a loving family, both biological and found, by the end of the novel, you will find an environment that will give you that same love if you keep your head up and stay true to yourself (and by the way, if your search for love means searching for friends and family who will accept that you do not want ‘love’ at all in a relationship sense, then that also applies to you, my ace and aro sibs

I thoroughly enjoyed reading My Heart Underwater - a coming-of-age story set in both the U.S. and the Philippines. As a Filipino-American, I wish that I had more access stories like this when I was growing up, and I was grateful for the little details - whether descriptions of food, micro-agressions, or arriving at the airport in Manila for the first time - that I could relate to. The novel also shows variety in Filipino-American experiences. I was particularly drawn to the development of Cory’s relationship with her half-Filipino, half-white cousin Bea from a relationship of insecurity (Cory) and thoughtlessness (Bea) to a more genuinely supportive relationship based on empathy and vulnerability. Much of the novel focuses on Cory’s experience with and healing from an unhealthy/abusive relationship with her substitute history teacher, Grace Holden. Each character has their own reaction when they find out about the relationship - generally well-meaning, imperfect, and authentic responses that together help Cory begin to figure out for herself what a healthy relationship does and does not look like. I appreciated that in the acknowledgements section, the author points readers to resources to seek support for themselves or anyone they know who may be in an unhealthy relationship Overall, I’m very grateful for the chance to have read My Heart Underwater, and it made me realize I’ve been missing out on a lot by not regularly including YA novels on my reading lists!

Corazon (Corey) is a 17y/o queer, Filipina, Catholic student who is sent to the Philippines to stay with her half-brother after her mom catches Corey with her History teacher in the hospital parking lot where Corey’s dad is in a coma. ⠀⠀Fantauzzo wrote Corey with the nuances of loss and longing for the things we don’t understand in a beautiful way. ⠀⠀Her trip to the Philippines turns out to be a defining moment in her life where she not only understands her self, but also her family and their history. ⠀⠀This book is ultimately about coming home. For Corey. For me, the reader. And for all Filipinos (esp queer Filipinos) out there who needed to see themselves in books. ⠀⠀From the beginning chapters with Corey in her home and their plastic covered sofas, Corey’s mom asking if she changed into ‘pambahay’, and right up to the point when Corey sets foot on the Philippines, sees a ‘sari-sari’ store, puts ‘load’ on her phone, and ride a tricycle— it really made my heart full. Although I was only there for 10 years, a lot of what brings me joy is seeing and feeling home.⠀⠀A frustrating, but very real part in this book is how Corey’s grandpa cares less for Corey and prefer her half-white/half-Filipino cousin Bea who is a part-time model in the Philippines while living in the US. He sees Bea as the perfect American with perfect English which he is so proud of. ⠀⠀He dismisses Corey immediately for still knowing how to speak Tagalog. I’ve definitely seen families like these where they live in this bubble of perceived whiteness as superior. Meanwhile, I’ve seen some families wish their children knew how to speak their home language. ⠀⠀Another part that I thought was portrayed accurately— Corey sees billboards everywhere with skin-lightening products and “mixie-looking” models. In the Philippines, most celebrities are half-white/half-Filipino. Look at our recent Miss Universes—neither are full Filipino. I’m happy for the representation, but they’re not representative of Filipinos. If they weren’t that, they were extremely light-skinned. ⠀

This is my favorite YA novel that I've ever read. Fantauzzo tells Cory's story with grace and care, and I spent a lovely weekend greedily consuming the book. Cory's "romance" with Ms. Holden and family dynamics are entirely believable, and Fantauzzo provides a gift to the world by exploring the tortured existence of a queer, immigrant, lower-middle class Filipina American. Some of her images were so relatable that I couldn't get them out of my mind, for example: the plastic cover on the couch in Cory's immigrant mother's house. I mean, how much more specific can you get?!I highly recommend this books to teens and adults alike. It offers an important story that's often hidden from view and makes it available to a wide audience. This is a must-read! Get it for yourself and start a book club and recommend it to your friends! It would be a fun book to discuss with like-minded peers.

This is a great story all about finding your place and being comfortable with who you are in the world. Teenager Corazon (Cory) Tagubio, born to Filipino parents living in the US, can’t stop thinking about her history teacher Ms Holden. Every time she sees her in class or meets with her for tutoring she has feelings and thoughts that aren’t appropriate for a student to have. In love with her teacher she soon acts on those feelings, but when her mum finds out there are terrible consequences and Cory is sent to spend the rest of her school year in the Philippines.I really enjoyed this story, especially the cultural aspect of the Philippines and what Filipino families can be like. The school Cory goes to is a Catholic one and while she can’t help but feel attracted to her teacher, she’s also torn by her Catholic upbringing and what being attracted to a woman means. This mix of feelings leaves Cory torn about what to do and how to feel, especially when something happens to her father. Cory’s parents aren’t rich and when her father, working on the roof of a house one day, falls, he ends up in hospital in a coma. After Cory acts on her feelings towards her teacher her mother finds out and sends her away to the Philippines to live with her half brother Jun. The way this story unfolds is really interesting and I love what happens to Cory throughout.Being the daughter of immigrant parents, something I can relate to myself, means Cory’s home life especially around her family and extended family are interesting to read. I like the way we learn a little about the Filipino culture and even some words of Tagalog early on. In the meantime we see how close Cory is getting to her teacher and why she has such a deep connection with her. The first half of the book takes place in the US while the second, slightly larger half, takes place in the Philippines. Once Cory makes the mistake on acting on her feelings towards her teacher she’s sent away in quite a dramatic fashion to stay with her half brother Jun. I’ve always liked books that show a different culture and I like the way this book slowly unfolded the world of the Philippines, from Cory’s point of view, showing us the poorer side as well as a glimpse into the wealthier part of the country too.Seeing the country from Cory’s perspective was good and I like the way that we learned about some of the darker realities of life for some in the country as well as seeing some of the happier things too. At times Cory finds herself confused on how to be in the country and I really felt I could relate to her, one exciting/worrying taxi scene being something that summed up the feelings of confusion about a new culture. I also enjoyed finding out more about Cory’s parents through the interactions she had with various different people and where they came from and the stories around both of them and their families.The ending is a satisfying one and I really enjoyed how things worked out for Cory and the other characters. I didn’t know what would happen and I like the way that Cory and Jun grew throughout the story. Something about this book just flowed so well from the start and I just found myself instantly interested in Cory’s life and the Filipino culture. Although my own family has different roots I can relate to how different things can be having immigrant parents and also how alien some of a county’s culture can feel when you first visit it. I really loved how this story went and the message it also gave about the relationship Cory had with an older adult and how things worked out in the end.The book has just a few swear words and nothing else really upsetting other than what happens to Cory’s dad being in a coma. I didn’t know whether I would like this book when I started reading, but it soon became one I couldn’t put down and I have loved reading about Corazon and her Filipino family culture. I’m definitely looking forward to more from this author and if you enjoy stories with different cultures as well as stories about coming to terms with and being comfortable with your own sexuality then I can recommend this book.-Thanks to Harper Collins for a free copy for review.