Not That Bad audiobook

We tell ourselves it’s not that bad. We’re told we’re angry women.It is that bad. I am angry. We should be.

Powerful. Raw. Stunning writing. Pretty much everything I would expect from a collection put together by Roxane Gay. What is it like to live in a culture where it often seems like it is a question of when, not if, a woman will encounter some kind of sexual violence? This is book about rape and rape culture. Some of the stories are empowering, some are depressing, but all talk about important aspects of the world we live in. Many of the writers explore how rape culture is not just about the act of rape itself, but also found in daily microaggressions, such as misogynistic jokes, "friendly" pats on the butt, and a guy suggesting a woman shouldn't take her pill in public because she is making a statement to men that they can do what they want to her without consequences. The essays often play around with style, writing in everything from lists to graphic novel format, which I liked. Many of the writers, I noticed, have a very similar writing style to Roxane Gay. So if, like me, you enjoyed the darkly gorgeous writing in Hunger and Difficult Women, then you should like it here in this book. Audrey Hirst's piece was a particular favourite of mine from this collection.Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Youtube

One of the most shocking books I´ve ever read, made possible by the courage and bravery of the authors who try to overcome their traumas by telling their personal stories of all kinds of sexual violence, enabling a far more open debate and discussions and thereby hopefully someday a society and justice system that helps and cares for the victims.It begins with diminutives, escalates to sexism and sexual harassment, and ends with abuse. Already in childhood, a boy gets the instruction to manly defend himself, why a girl should please, for the sake of whatever, be quiet, obedient, and friendly. As a result, nobody would dare to speak to a man in a similar ridiculing, arrogant way than to a woman, fearing possible consequences, but if it's just a woman, who cares. Maybe she likes it. Described in detail in https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1...In this circle of sexist deviancy, a little slap, a quick grope, a short date rape, isn´t seen as that bad, she wanted it, screamed for it, was already a hussy before, is now greedy and wants money or to destroy the poor man´s or several men´s reputation, deserves some victim blaming and slut shaming afterward, can have a hate crime or honor killing as extra if she doesn´t shut up, is there to be used and abused, should see it as a compliment, is possibly gay and thereby not normal, enjoyed it,…Of course, there is also a differentiation of which women to abuse and harass. Wealthy, influential, mostly white women? Better not, that could lead to serious problems, better choose poor, dependent, uneducated, helpless women from rape cultures that are already used to it and conditioned to endure anything. Much better and securer because perpetrator protection is important.I´m very critical of anything with group, organization, club,… in it and women won´t want to believe and be disgusted by what is commonly talked about in groups of men from ages 12 to 25, I´ve left that kind of peer group a decade ago. Not for that reason at that moment, more because it doesn´t seem to have any sense to continue worthless connections with people who don´t want to and thereby won´t develop further and get grown up. Subjectively I would say that quite many men stay at the stone age level. Now, in retrospect, I see more and more of the monsters I was used to seeing in these groups, all isms, racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia,… any kind of prejudice against any group possible, all that makes it great to be a man. Cynical and cold that I have become, I would deem an overwhelming majority of the male population, no matter what profession or sophistication, prone to any kind of destructive ideology, although sexism as part of the evolutionary appendix might be the strongest.The others are already tricky to overcome, but once a man has been indoctrinated and conditioned to have such an opinion about women, there won´t be any real chance to change him anymore. Reminds me of many historical inferiority complexes leading to megalomania and self aggrandizement. And what an argument it is, being born this or that way is an immense achievement. And how hypocritical Westerners get when they talk about societies that treat woman The Handmaid´s Tales style, completely ignoring both the economic and social discrimination in ever so modern democracies. That, thanks to the stupidity of ideologies of the past and sadly present too, sexuality is the ultimate taboo, leads to being unable to openly talk about abuse and rape. The bigotry goes so far as that self-proclaimed moral guardians have no problem with extreme violence, nudity, and women degraded to objects in all media, while the slightest sexual act could lead to mass hysteria. We live in a society in which, let´s say, 2 men openly kissing, a modern sexual education, free contraceptives, same rights for same sex couples,… would create more outcries than the numbers of hundreds of millions of women getting abused, assaulted, and harassed. There are 2 quotes by Neal Stephenson I´ll mix up together: „Ideology is a virus. No matter how smart we get, there is always this deep irrational part that makes us potential hosts for self-replicating information.“There are also the undiscussed, underlying socioeconomic reason why the best places for women to live are countries inspired by the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nordic_...followed by other Western democracies and the sad rest.Some literature that shows the similarity of how our, in its core extremely conservative and bigoted, society, including all systems, tradition, and culture, brainwashes people to accept unspeakable things:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4...https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4... A wiki walk can be as refreshing to the mind as a walk through nature in this completely overrated real life outside books: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biashttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Categor...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Categor...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Categor...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Categor...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Categor...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Categor...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Categor...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogniti...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirm...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberst...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deepfakehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domesti...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effects...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emancip...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employm...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminismhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminiz...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gasligh...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate_crimehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intra-h...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Media_m...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickup_...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propaga...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychol...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychol...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychol...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_cu...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Revenge...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexismhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut-sh...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereot...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unpaid_...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valuati...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victim_...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violenc...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%2...https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workpla...

This is heavy necessary reading.It's beside the point to review a book like this, which is powerful and true, so I will just say the newest and freshest and most lingering thing I got from it:This turned the common sexist adage "women call sex they regret rape" into "there were moments I asked myself it was okay to feel raped even if I wasn't."Few moments as a reader have made me feel as seen and accepted as that one.(The sexist f*ck-ups never ask why the regretted sex felt like rape.)Bottom line: Read this book when you feel able.--------------currently-reading updatesgetting angry and sad on a tuesday afternoon

Excellent anthology about rape culture and the patriarchal world we live in that perpetuates it. Roxane Gay serves as editor of this powerful collection in which several writers share their stories of date rape, inappropriate touching, child molestation, and other instances of violence and harassment. I appreciate the diversity in Not That Bad, both of the writers’ experiences as well as their identities, as the collection includes women of color, queer and trans individuals, people of various ages, etc. Some stories end with more resolution than others yet all show an incredible courage and vulnerability on behalf of these writers who reach into their painful pasts to shed light on our messed up culture. I especially loved the stories that honored and celebrated anger against oppressors, as well as those that featured help-seeking behaviors. Would highly recommend this collection to anyone, though of course I will provide a trigger warning and say this book contains graphic depictions of sexual violence and assault. Not an easy read yet one that is essential so we can work to change an epidemic that has gone on for too long.

A hard book to read. The pervasiveness of sexual abuse in all our lives is sickening. There is a wide variety of stories, and I wish I didn't have to say to myself: "Yes, I've experienced this. And that. And that too." I hope writing these essays was cathartic. Not all essays were equally well written, but they all were equally affecting and of value.The one stood out for me, and it couldn't not to because of my identity as a reader and my interactions with other readers here, on Goodreads, was the first one, in which the author, a creative writing teacher, had to explain to her students that what they were writing and reading was in fact rape, abuse, assault. (Yes, having sex with a girl you like when she is completely unconscious is rape, not a romantic encounter, what's wrong with you?) This misunderstanding of consent and rape is something I come across a lot here, much more than I should, it seems, especially when I read and review some retrograde fantasy (like The Last Wish), when people routinely stop by to debate and mock the notions of consent and misogyny. To me, lines are clear, for some others - not so much I guess. The other one I remember, from years ago, was arguing with my real life book club (not the one I am in now) is what happened in the beginning of this " YA romance" - The Wrath and the Dawn - was rape or not. Half judged it rape, some didn't. Let me see, a girl "consents" to have sex with her husband who had previously killed all of his numerous wives. She is scared for her life and needs to stay alive to exact her revenge. She "consents" with hate and fear in her eyes. He sees it, but she is so beautiful, he just can't resist. I look at my friends' old 5-star reviews of this trash pile and weep.Do we still need to debate this? Or we all have learned something since 2015?

Everyone needs to read this. Everyone. So many brave stories. The audio version is phenomenal. Throughout, I'm reminded of Frida Kahlo's painting, "A Few Small Nips," which quotes the words of a man after he murdered his girlfriend.

As is always the case with anthologies, some stories are more engaging than others. I also listened to this as and audiobook and I have to say, some narrators were very good and some so bad I almost couldn't listen to them.All in all, this was an interesting collection, if not exactly illuminating. I did think it was good to include authors with such a wide array of backgrounds and that not each experience was rape, but each experience did show that the threat of rape lies even in something certain men would deem as harmless or even complimentary. It is going to take time to teach sons, brothers, husbands and friends that some of their actions - even if far removed from aggression or assault - simply frighten women and for that reason they should stop. It's so simple and obvious and yet, when I think about some of the stories, apparently very difficult for some to grasp or to be impacted enough to change their behavior. I want to share a little story with you. The other day, I was at an ATM. It was pretty deserted and as I was putting in my card, a man approached. Though I didn't feel afraid, exactly, maybe he sensed I would. He stayed waaay back and loudly said, "The line starts here." It's small acts of consideration like this that make all the difference and I have to say, I was a little moved, even though it would be really nice if acting like this was just the norm. In hindsight, this anthology was better than I felt it was while I was reading, maybe that's to do with the uncomfortable subject matter. I did feel the authors all had a vaguely similar style to Roxane Gay herself, so if you liked her other books, you might find this one interesting as well. I'll remember some of these stories for a long time, while others will likely fade quickly, but that's just the way it is with anthologies and overall, I am glad I read this book.Find more reviews and bookish fun at http://www.princessandpen.com

This just sent me in a fucking whirlwind. Read this book. I can’t provide a review of this book that gives it justice.Roxanne Gay is a fierce fucking force of nature who I now adore.