Raising Your Spirited Child, Third Edition audiobook

Is is too much of an exaggeration to say this book saved my life? Well, perhaps it is, but in all honesty, this book improved my quality of life and helped me understand my 3 year old's personality. My child is definitely more intense and sensitive than many other children--but now I've learned to value and appreciate her in a new way. I also know how to be an advocate for her in preschool and future school settings. Seriously, I am a better mommy due to the facts and advice found in this book.

Read this book and I swear its written about my oldest son! Really helped me understand him and better deal with some of the issues we were having. I completely changed my way of discipline and also changed some of the situations where I realised he would become over stimulated and therefore this would cause problems. Having read this book after a few months of me changing my patterns and the things we did he became a different child. I recommend this to any parent that has a spirited child, it described the extrovert, introvert, gives examples of personality types and issues. Great reference book.It was a relief for me to read this book, having been accused of having an A.D.D, ADHD, full on hypo child, to being ostracised at play group, gym tots, little kickers soccer etc it made me realise that I was getting my son to par take in activities that would over stimulate him as he was unable to take control of his emotions. The other relief was that there are obviously heaps of other kids out there like this so it did help me to feel normal, rather than completely abnormal which was how I was made to feel by the uneducated bogan that gave me a piece of her mind at playgroup. Honestly I would never pass comment about how docile, inactive, dumb looking someone else's child is and ask whether they are retarded because all they do is sit in one place and play with the same toy for half and hour, so really what gives them the right to make a comment about mine!

I cried when I started this book. It was such a relief to know that there were other parents out there like me, with kids like mine! It was validating to know that some children DO require more input than others: I felt like my hard work was finally recognized. As I continued, what stood out, even beyond the helpful advice and tips for handling the intense traits of a spirited child, was her positive perspective. I was able to shed the burden I was feeling about having a "spirited" child and look at these traits and challenges as a very special gift. A gift yes, but one that definitely requires some fine-tuning. That's where she breaks down her definition of "spirited" into separate temperamental components and what they look like, and then how to respond in a positive way. The practical advice is the meat of the book.Along the way not only did I learn about parenting, but I learned about myself, my childhood, my marriage, and about relationships in general. This book is a rare gem that transformed the way I think.

I found this book stunningly useful and reassuring. Kurcinka emphasizes that those larger-than-life size reactions your preschooler are having come from her real reactions to things and that understanding the temperamental sources of some of those reactions (like being slow to adapt to a new situation or being high energy and needing to move) can allow you to handle them better and to facilitate them where you can and redirect them where you can't. While reading Kurcinka's book, I found myself becoming more sympathetic to my daughter's frustrations and outbursts. The best part, I think, is that Kurcinka allows you the parent to have emotional reactions (even acknowledges that you might be "spirited" too) and encourages (indeed, insists upon) monitoring your own emotional reactions and responding to them (taking a break, for example, when your persistent kid is about to make you explode). In addition, and this seems so smart to me, she encourages you to narrate your process of handling emotions to your child in order to make her process of doing the same thing feel more natural, normal, accepted. It's important to Kurcinka that we talk about children's intensity in positive terms, that we recognize that this emotional receptivity and expressivity can be a major strength in life, and that we overtly (rather than implicitly) teach the process of recognizing and managing these emotions.The book is filled with practical advice that I've been implementing and finding successful since I first started reading it. Best of all, there's no parent-blaming, no "find your inner Zen-master," no "your kid will know if you are faking the authority that you possess." This book is all about recognizing the cues from your child that might signal a big reaction is coming and then encouraging her to be a collaborative problem solver. This idea of "finding the yes"--coming to a conclusion that satisfies all members of the family and not just the parent--is so helpful. My daughter is very intelligent and very strong-willed, and when she sees the steps of decision-making and feels heard, she becomes newly calm in a situation where she might have been gearing up to fly off the handle.My one hesitation about the book--and this is a small one--is that the process of talking about emotions, finding the "yes," arranging routines and settings to maximize your child's potential for success, feels very time and resource-consuming, and I also worry that it communicates to your child that there is going to be a lot of time/space/negotiation dedicated to them in the future in the world. This is not exactly the same hesitation that Kurcinka reports from a number of her parents, whom she says have been raised with more traditional discipline. I see how Kurcinka's system of problem-solving and compromising is consistent with boundary-setting when it is needed, and I also think that autocratic edicts from on high teach less than explanations and expectation-setting do. But the whole idea of reading a five-hundred page book about how to patiently negotiate with your child sets up the fact that Kurcinka expects that you will treat child-rearing as one of the major centers of your life, and I worry about the child who learns that they are the center of household life and then goes out into the world to discover that no one else feels that way. I suspect that Kurcinka would say that when we narrate emotional management and highlight collaborative problem-solving, we give the child the tools to handle those threatening or difficult situations on their own. And so far, in my house, it's really been working! It's no exaggeration to say this book felt like a lifesaver to me.

My sister Amy recommended this book when Ellie was a toddler, she'd had a friend who'd used it with her son and loved it. It was very interesting, and gave me a lot of insight into not only my kids, but Jerem! I loved how the author puts all of the characteristics we usually try to squash out of children into a positive light. It also tells you how to deal with the daily trials of having a spirited child--how to avoid the battles. I'm a "mellow" person, and so was Hannah, so when "spunky" Megan and "spirited" Ellie came into our family, I just didn't know how to deal with their needs (and they really are needs, not just whims.) One of the best parts was about Introverts and Extroverts, and how some people need to be around other people to "refuel" (me and the other kids) and some people need to be alone to "refuel" (Jerem and Ellie!) Very educating!

This book is fantastic. If you think you have a kid who is More, I can't recommend this one highly enough. Toby has always been an intense child - even in the womb he was a nutball. I was at the end of my rope a few weeks ago and truly did not know what to do with this kid - nothing ever works. No really, nothing I have ever tried discipline wise has ever helped. Except for screaming - we told him if he screamed a bear would eat him. This cut down on 90% of the screaming, but I'm not really wanting to threaten him with imaginary bears for the rest of his life. I especially love Kurcinka's thoughts on labeling. I am working on changing my own labels of Toby. He's not annoying, he's persistent. ha, ha.I like that this book has summaries of each chapter, so if you don't have time to read the entire thing you can at least read the one-page summaries. I loved that it was about real parents - real stories about real kids. There were a few things I didn't find applicable, but for the most part, this book really is a lifesaver. I would have liked more ideas on disciplinary stuff, but I think a re-read will help me catch anything I might have missed. I might also look for a more recent edition next time I'm in the bookstore (I read the 1998 edition, not sure if there are newer ones out there.) One of the best parenting books I have ever read. (It's earning a permanent place on my shelf, which is a very difficult thing for a book to do.)

I found a LOT to really like about this book. There were moments when it actually brought me to tears, because what I was reading was, for once, EXACTLY like reading about my kid...and my reactions. In fact, I'm going to make my husband read this because I think there are some really important observations we can use to be better parents for our spunky/spirited child. There are parts of the book that don't apply to us, which I think would be the case for many parents. But what parenting book is 100% applicable to every family? Overall, though, I found this book to be one that spoke to me about a kid like mine in ways I found positive and reassuring.I do wish that there were more examples of how to handle discipline, tantrums, etc. The book focuses most of its energy on getting the reader/parent to accept and acknowledge how the temperaments and traits of their child may be causing the conflicts in the home, and less time on how to deal with those conflicts once you know those temperaments. I did read an older version of the book, so perhaps more recent editions have added to this area. All in all, I think this will be a book I come back to often in the coming days/weeks/months.

Without a doubt this book has made me a better parent, more able to both understand and work with the spirit of my three year old. This book has helped teach me the different ways she is wired, changing my frustration and exasperation into understanding and empathy. I feel not only more patient and loving with her now, but also equipped with the tools I need in the more difficult moments. It has changed our relationship in so many amazing ways. I am so grateful to have had this book recommended to me and will recommend it wholeheartedly to others!

Some very helpful guidance in here, both in terms of practical advice and reframing ideas about spirited kids, but some of it did not seem feasible or sustainable.