The Confidence Code audiobook

Review of Confidence CodeThe Confidence Code by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay is a wonderful book. It's funny (Katty Kay learning to kiteboard), relatable (stellar international leaders Christine Lagarde and Angela Merkel comforting each other when male politicians beat up on them), and easy to read. Well researched, the book contains pages of helpful information, not only to understand why we as a gender tend to lag in confidence but also what to do about it. (Although the book would be good resource for any adult who lacks confidence, it's aimed at women.) Apart from making you feel good, why is confidence important? According to the authors, ..."there is evidence that confidence is more important than ability when it comes to getting ahead," on the job and in life generally. Good compensation, happiness, and professional fulfillment may depend on confidence. Not born confident? Don't worry. "The newest research shows that we can literally change our brains (to make us) more confidence prone." There's a lot of wisdom in the Confidence Code. One nugget is this: "Most people believe they need to criticize themselves in order to find motivation to reach their goals. In fact, when you constantly criticize yourself, you become depressed, and depression is not a motivational mindset." Also, "...Of all the warped things that women do to themselves to undermine their confidence, we found the pursuit of perfection to be the most crippling...you'll inevitably and routinely feel inadequate."But most of us are perfectionists. How do we overcome these behaviors?To get answers, Shipman and Kay interview and cite many thoughtful and engaging experts, who are quoted throughout the book, but the short course is this: Stop overthinking everything. Have courage, take action, congratulate yourself for trying regardless of outcome, and move on. Engage in self-compassion. Practice / do the work. Mastery in one thing spills over into other areas. Meditation can shrink your amygdalae (the region of the brain that amps up fear) and stimulate your prefrontal cortex (the calm, rational area). If that's too much work, concentrate on how you present yourself physically. Practice power positions. Spread out. Take up space. Keep your chin raised. Don't use "upspeak" (i.e. sound like a Valley Girl when you talk). There's so much more, but here's the thing I want you to remember: the development of confidence is volitional - a choice. Or as Shipman and Kay put it: "Our biggest and perhaps most encouraging discovery has been that confidence is something we can, to a significant extent, control." What an important life skill for women of all ages to learn, and to teach their daughters and granddaughters.

This was my "Self Improvement" selection for the Read Harder challenge.It's really more of a 3.5, but I think the topic is really important and the information is valuable, so I'm rounding up.----------Just over a week later and I'm back.I decided to read this book because I think I have something of a confidence problem. Not surprising, since research shows that most women do. Which is really screwed up! They did a study that showed that just asking women to note their gender before taking a math test reduced their performance on the test. Don't make them consider their gender, they do just as well as men. Remind them that they're women, they do much more poorly. This is a problem. And it's what motivated the authors to write this book.They explore all the different potential contributors to confidence (or a confidence problem): biological contributors, upbringing, cultural influences, experience. It turns out (don't be too shocked) that confidence is complicated. There are biological things going on in people (men and women) that can affect confidence. When they are growing up, girls' often natural inclination to build relationships with others and be helpful to their mothers gets rewarded (because who doesn't reward a girl who's quiet and helpful?), but it turns out that rewarding little girls for being quiet and not causing problems may prevent them from trying new things, mastering them, and building confidence. And no one who's wandered down the toy aisle recently will be shocked to learn that there's something cultural going on. Girls get caregiving toys marketed to them. Boys get adventure toys or scientific toys. Girls get the quiet experience. Boys get to experiment, build new skills, and grow confident. Because it turns out that the number one thing we can all do to become more confident is to try new things. To become comfortable with failure. To become persistent. To master new skills and gain the understanding that we are capable of doing it again.I went into this book believing I had a confidence problem. I still think that I kind of do. I don't have that gut feeling that I'm good at things. I get nervous about failure. I have the sneaking suspicion that the people around me are better at things than I am. But the surprising thing I walked away with is that I have more confidence than I give myself credit for. I speak in public regularly, and enthusiastically, even though I don't enjoy being the center of attention. I made a career change to follow my passion. I speak up in meetings, and don't let myself be bullied into silence. I have an interest in science, and I believe that I could have had a scientific career if I had put in the effort. I believe that I'm smart. So, sure. I'm not immune to the confidence gap between the genders - but I've learned to give myself credit. I'm doing better than many!I think this is a thoughtful, research-based argument that every woman, and every parent, should consider reading. Turns out, when it comes to confidence, it's truly possible to change the world.

This book is what I wanted Lean In to be. It’s relevant, actionable, and packed with research to back up their points. The book is fascinating even if you’re not in the workforce, but if you are--you have to read this. I know I’ve read a million anecdotes over the years about how women tend to lack confidence in the workplace, which affects everything from starting pay to raises to promotions, and this book neatly lays out why that might be and what steps can be taken to help propel us forward in a more self-assured, self-confident way. One anecdote that stuck with me was from a female supervisor who worked with two junior staffers. The male employee stopped by the supervisor’s office often (and did so unannounced). He would throw out campaign ideas, comment on business strategy, share his opinions about things he’d read. Even if the supervisor shot him down, he shrugged it off or replied with a counterargument. The female employee, on the other hand, made advance appointments, came well-prepared with lists of questions and issues, and didn’t provide feedback unless it was solicited. The supervisor, though sometimes annoyed by the assertive male employee, couldn’t help but be impressed by his tenacity and his ability to take negative feedback and channel it into new ideas. This part of the book stopped me in my tracks and made me reevaluate my own professional demeanor. Another part of the book that fascinated me was about perfectionism and how women wear the mantle proudly—but are mostly unaware that it’s actually a hindrance to their own success. “Perfectionism actually inhibits achievement,” the authors write. It leads to “piles of useless, unfinished work, and hours of wasted time, because, in the pursuit of it, we put off difficult tasks waiting to be perfectly ready before we start.” We hold back, letting other colleagues go first, test the waters for us, because we want to be 100% prepared and qualified before taking on the risk ourselves. Put your work out there without obsessive thought, the authors write. Watch things happen. Perfectionism also creates blinders that can diminish an employee’s potential. By being so focused on the day-to-day, an employee can entirely forget to lift their eyes and look at the big picture. But, big picture thinkers are often promoted. I call this the logistics trap. I can find myself getting entirely caught up in logistics and smooth, well-executed tactics without circling back to strategy or pushing the strategy in new, better directions. I’ve seen “logistics employees” passed over. I’ve seen them wonder why. I have to fight not to get stuck in that place too. There’s a sense of accomplishment with being a logistics employee that appeals to my baser desire to be a perfectionist, but sticking my neck out and redefining strategy has always had better returns for me. I have to remind myself of this a lot. Anyway, this book was a gold mine of interesting information and advice and I enjoyed it immensely. It’s one of the most effective and insightful books I’ve read on the topic of women in the workplace and if you haven’t read it yet, please add it to your list. It’s well worth the read.

I loved this book. As someone who often struggles with speaking up in large settings and often being doubtful, it was great to see that this is something which affects so many women, and can be solved through will and work. The authors have made the book quite readable, with interesting instances of successful women. One of the good motivational/ self-help books I have read.

A good primer, very readable.

“Confidence is the way we meet our circumstances, whether they are wondrous and wonderful or really hard and difficult.” p. 25. This is a must read for any woman in today’s workforce, whether in a leadership role or not. Even if your workforce is home and you are raising children, it has important and beneficial information for parenting and supporting your daughters too. Intriguing from both a workplace environment and the scientific explorations of our brain, this book has given me a new outlook on why I may do the things I do and how to overcome some areas that need improvement. It has a contagious way of wanting to put things into action as well as teaching self-compassion and breaking the perfectionism streak.This book reminds me of: Lean in : women, work, and the will to lead by Sheryl Sandberg Find Lean in: women, work, and the will to lead at the Westminster Public Library!Find The Confidence Code at the Westminster Public Library!

It was amazing and at the same time pretty sad to read how our beliefs and culture affects how we deal with our confidence. Becoming aware of those random and common sentences we heard from our family and friends because of the fact of being a girl diminish our roles in the world day by day was kind of painful for me. At the same time, it's a privilege to acknowledge that we can still change that for ourselves, our friends, and maybe our future daughters.As the author mentioned in the title as well it's a book that every woman should read and act on it.Before this book, confidence was a characteristic which I hoped to improve, now I know it can be found in our genes, habits, and the stories we tell our selves as well. "You don't get to "choose confidence" and then stop thinking about it as your life miraculously changes around you. It's certainly not as simple as clicking a box to add self-confidence to your list of attributes. When we say confidence is a choice we mean it's a choice we can make to act, or to do, or to decide."

I found this very helpful. I'll definitely work on speaking up more/being more confident in general

I enjoyed this, even if I (somewhat ironically) had to read it over a period of a month and a half, because it made me vaguely anxious.I think this strikes a better tone than some of the books I've read that are similar-ish in genre/type. I really like the writing style in this. I think that I'll probably remember the key messages, if not the specifics.Definitely worth reading.2019 Reading Challenge - A book by two female authors (it seemed an appropriate choice for that prompt)

This is a genre that I don’t normally read - the so called “self-help” book. I actually enjoyed it and even found myself wanting to learn more about the science AND art of confidence. I have always considered myself a pretty confident person (the three short question/answer exercises in the notes confirmed that) but realize now that it’s because I worked at building self-confidence. I would recommend this to all women, as we need to crack our own Confidence Code.

At work I received feedback on my leadership skills that I need to have more confidence and show more confidence. The feedback said I already have the technical skills as a software engineer, I just need to be more confident about them. I came across this book in search of how can I increase my confidence at work. It was especially puzzling that in my personal life (of which huge part is dancing) my friends would rate my confidence as 10 out of 10. I think so far I had the impression that there is only one feeling of confidence and it applies to all areas of life.This book definitely delivered with thorough citations of scientific studies of what confidence is and how can it be gained. It also helped me explain why in my personal and dancing life I might have more confidence than at work.The biggest insight for me was that “confidence matters more than competence in the rise to the top”. Confidence is action. With confidence you will have the courage to try things out and having a chance to learn from mistakes and eventually succeed instead of not trying at all. Another insight is that typically women have less confidence than men: “The women in Estes’s experiment skipped questions because they didn’t want to try something at which they thought they might fail. ““The authors found that the women working at HP applied for promotions only when they believed they met 100 percent of the qualifications necessary for the job. The men were happy to apply when they thought they could meet 60 percent of the job requirements.“ Google has shown since that if women know this statistic, they are more likely to apply for promotion and get promoted than they would have otherwise. (http://www.businessinsider.com/google...)The book also includes fascinating research on genetics and personality and epigenetics: how one can change your own genes in your life and pass the modified genes to one’s children. “Gaining confidence means getting outside your comfort zone, experiencing setbacks, and, with determination, picking yourself up again.“I did feel I gained a lot of confidence during my three month sabbatical traveling and pushing my comfort zone. Also this explains the difference between confidence in dancing and in software engineering. In dancing the feedback cycle is extremely short. You can try a new move and a couple of seconds later you will see whether it worked or not. In software implementing ideas can take months and years! The feedback loop is much longer. However the book gave me actionable ideas to try, for example speaking up more in meetings and not shying away of sharing my ideas. After trying for couple of weeks I already see improvements!Final quote:“If you choose not to act, you have little chance of success. What’s more, when you choose to act, you’re able to succeed more frequently than you think.”Every woman should read this book, especially if you are in tech or other highly male dominated field.

I'd heard of this book from a couple of different sources and was pretty thrilled to get it free through Goodreads Giveaways. I had been looking forward to reading it for some time. To be fair, I am very intrigued by brains, by our internal workings, and by the influence of genetics and theories of nature versus nurture on how/why we behave. This book really appealed to that side of me. It is not hugely in-depth. There isn't room for that in a book that covers so many topics, but that's not what is needed here. The authors consider many factors that influence woman's confidence and how that translates to work, raising children, and relationships of all sorts. There are quite a few gems in here, but it's not a magic cure for a lack of confidence. I realize that this does not apply to every woman, and I don't think the authors are claiming that it does. There are so many other issues to consider. This book will likely not give a huge dose of confidence to a woman who has been so hurt and worn down by an abusive relationship that she can't see the promise of a future. It most definitely won't be a cure for a young lady who has been told from early on that she is worthless. Like I said, it's not a magic cure. That said, for women who are having a tough time finding their voice or courage to speak up at work, for women who aren't sure how to balance that line between passive and aggressive, and for men who want to help empower women to be amazing, this book is incredibly insightful. I plan to either pass it on to a few friends or even buy a couple of copies. I've already recommended it to a few people. There are a couple of things that bothered me a bit about the book. First, there are some huge over-generalizations in here about both genders. Not all women fit into these molds as I mentioned above. Not all men disregard the opinions of others. Having worked in a male-dominated environment for so long, many of the men with who I worked were comfortable confiding in me about their lack of confidence in some decisions. These men questioned themselves just as much as many women tend to. I think they "get it" more than this book indicated. They might not have let it bother them quite as long as I might, but to say that men just don't care what people think is pretty inaccurate. The second difficulty I had with the book is the references. There is no notation in the chapter that there is a reference point so for the first half of the book I found myself questioning the validity of many statements since I didn't see anything to back them up. Even once I realized that the references were there, it was just difficult me to refer to them without losing my place and concentration in the writing. In spite of those two factors, I still think this is an excellent book and will be passing my copy on to others who may benefit from it.