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The Feminine Mistake audiobook

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The Feminine Mistake Audiobook Summary

Women are constantly being told that it’s simply too difficult to balance work and family, so if they don’t really “have to” work, it’s better for their families if they stay home. Not only is this untrue, Leslie Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood fail to consider the surprising benefits of work and the unexpected toll of giving it up. It’s time, she says, to get the message across–combining work and family really is the best choice for most women, and it’s eminently doable.

Bennetts raised two children while earning a living, and understands the challenges and the rewards firsthand. She and millions of other working women provide ample proof that there are many different ways to have kids, maintain a challenging career, and have a richly rewarding life as a result. When women sacrifice their financial autonomy by quitting their jobs, they become vulnerable to divorce as well as the potential illness, death, or unemployment of their breadwinner husbands. The truth is that when women gamble on dependency, most eventually end up on the wrong side of the odds.

Not since Betty Friedan has anyone offered such an eye-opening and persuasive argument for why women can–and should–embrace the joyously complex lives they deserve.

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The Feminine Mistake Audiobook Narrator

Leslie Bennetts is the narrator of The Feminine Mistake audiobook that was written by Leslie Bennetts

Leslie Bennetts has been a contributing editor at Vanity Fair since 1988, writing on subjects that have ranged from movie stars to U.S. antiterrorism policy. Before joining that magazine, she was the first woman ever to cover a presidential campaign for The New York Times. Bennetts lives in New York City with her husband and their two children.

About the Author(s) of The Feminine Mistake

Leslie Bennetts is the author of The Feminine Mistake

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The Feminine Mistake Full Details

Narrator Leslie Bennetts
Length 6 hours 29 minutes
Author Leslie Bennetts
Category
Publisher HarperAudio
Release date May 15, 2007
ISBN 9780061438257

Subjects

The publisher of the The Feminine Mistake is HarperAudio. includes the following subjects: The BISAC Subject Code is Social Science, Women's Studies

Additional info

The publisher of the The Feminine Mistake is HarperAudio. The imprint is HarperAudio. It is supplied by HarperAudio. The ISBN-13 is 9780061438257.

Global Availability

This book is only available in the United States.

Goodreads Reviews

Nicole Johns

June 11, 2008

When I first started reading this book I hated Ms. Bennetts and thought she was a smug self-righteous person (I just edited myself). I stopped reading and cursed her for hating stay at home mothers so much (full disclosure, I am a stay-at-home mother). But then I thought about it. Why had I reacted so strongly to this book and her ideas? Because on some level I knew she was right, or at least her points applied to me.The basic thrust of the book is that women give up too much when they "choose" to give up employment for full-time child care. They give up financial independence, self-fulfillment, self-determination, the respect of others (sometimes including their partners and children), retirement savings, freedom, the opportunity to live up to their full potential, and intellectual challenge. She doesn't argue that motherhood and caring for children is unimportant, but just that it can be done by others, including the children's father, child care providers, etc.Women who choose to "opt out" often don't think about the vulnerability they assume once they give up the paycheck. Women who rely on their husbands (or partners) for their financial security can be surprised when they are left to fend for themselves (by their partner's death, divorce, etc.). Often they have been out of the work force for a decade or more and cannot re-enter their chosen field, or at least not at the level they had held when they left. Women returning to work face sexism and ageism. Our culture tells women that they can't "have it all", meaning they can't have a happy and healthy family, a job and a strong relationship with their partners. Something has to give, and for a lot of women, they give up their jobs/careers. How many stories do you hear about a mother being successful in a career and being an active and involved parent? No, they are usually about the stresses and strains of combining work and motherhood. Mothers are held up to some absurd standards to be Martha Stewart, Mary Poppins, and Jenna Jamison (the porn star, in case you don't know) all while volunteering at church and school every week. But what about the dads? If they give a kid a bath or do a load of laundry they are Father of the Year. Men are not asked to make the same sacrifices as their female partners. Why?Maybe because we women don't demand it. Maybe because we just assume that it's our job to take care of kids, house and everyone else. Maybe because we don't think (or want to think) that anyone can do it as good as we can. Maybe because we are afraid of the hassle, challenges, stress, etc. that the full life of work and home and children brings. But let's remember that kids grow up. They go to school. They get their own lives. They don't want or need us around. What happens to all the at-home moms then? They get bored. They feel insecure and useless. They try to get back into the work world and are re-buffed at every turn. They get divorced.So what are we to do as women? We are to live full lives with all the challenges, and with help from our partners. Men in Gen X and Y don't expect to have their partners to be June Cleaver and don't want to miss out on being fathers like their own may have. So let's ask them, demand them, to help us out so we can all be happy and fulfilled. And then let's demand that our society institutes policies that support families and mothers. We are legion, let's get to it.As one of my favorite saying goes, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."After finishing the whole book, I have to say this book changed my thinking and probably will change my life. I have taken steps to add work and other activities to my life to give it more depth and breadth. My son and partner will benefit from these changes, as well as myself and society as a whole. I feel like I have sacrificed a lot for my child (and gladly). Now I need to show him what a healthy full life looks like, at least mine.

Elizabeth

August 05, 2007

Bennetts, the author of this fab book, makes an airtight case against not dropping out of the workforce entirely post-children. I first came across the book when I noticed one of the women in my Research Methods class with it. I picked it up and scanned it quickly. As a Confidence Coach who deals exclusively with women on all issues related to self-esteem, i.e. everything in their life as they know it, I often encounter women who apparently “have it all” but still feel an elusive sense of something missing. Most of the time, these women are moms.In the months since I picked up the book, The Feminine Mistake has been mentioned in major media including Fast Company and Newsweek and The New Yorker. There is hardly consensus but I think that one of the most important pieces of the question is that it is being talked about: are women putting themselves at risk when they decide to opt-out of the career life completely? Unquestionably in my mind, the answer is “yes”.Who gets the raw end of the deal when the couple decides to divorce or to put it in a more ugly reality, when the husband decides that he no longer wants to be married, much to his wife’s surprise and dismay? The woman does. Who is more likely to encounter ageism and/or sexism when they finally decide that they do want to go back to work? The woman will. Who is endangering her future salary, financial independence and marketability when she decides to stay home with the kids full-time? The woman is. Who is giving away their power and control in a marriage when they stop earning their own money? Usually the woman although this could be odd Mr. Mom dad too. Who is damaging her sense of self and potential for life satisfaction when she stops working entirely? A woman is. Well, that last one can apply to men as well. As we learn in Uncommon Confidence, we must have our self-esteem in different baskets in order to be balanced and fulfilled. One basket is work, one is home, one is community, one is as a partner, one is as a member of ______, etc.In dealing with moms, I often bring them back to their kids as a reality check, “What is your daughter learning by seeing you completely dependent on the men (perhaps dad and/or husband) in your life?”. This is usually helpful. Because, in essence, what kind of message are women sending to their daughters when they rely exclusively on someone else’s money to support, feed and clothe them in spite of the fact that they have had a good, if not excellent, education and are fully capable of working? Not a very good one.I think the strongest (and perhaps the least obvious) theme in the book is that you can work and have a family too (my mom did and I certainly intend to) if, and this is a biggie, you get rid of your sense of “perfect“. working-mom.jpgMoms especially have this philosophy of perfectionism that not only gets in their way of feeling satisfied about pretty much anything but prevents them from attempting to try something that won’t ever be an exact science. As a result, they feel powerless, unsatisfied and often joyless. Women are conditioned, often initially by their families and then later by other influences like school, media and television, to be perfect. Perfect is not a good goal; in fact, it’s pretty much the worst goal that you can set for yourself. Goaling for perfect sets you up for continual disappointment, failure, exhaustion and unhappiness. Yum.Morphing the joys of motherhood with work that brings you money and independence of your own while providing for a safer, more secure future is essential for your self-esteem. It’s possible to do both. No, it won’t be perfect but it also won’t be the biggest mistake you ever made.

Allyson

August 16, 2007

every woman should read this book. scratch that -- every person should read this book. As one reviewee stated, Bennett makes an airtight case for why women (and their spouse) should consider the whole picture before opting out of the workforce when they decide to have children. Unlike some books, she doesn't simply state: you shouldn't stay home. period. I was impressed with the variety of interviews she performed and with her view that if one does stay home, male or female, make a solid financial plan for both partners so that should one leave, fall ill or die, the entire family doesn't "go under." I'm sad to find that most women I meet these days want nothing to do with this topic. What happens to them when the unexpected arises?

Dena

January 07, 2020

Utterly and completely life-changing. Every woman should read this book. On one hand, it validated every fear and insecurity I've ever had about being a stay-at-home mom. It also showed me the risks I hadn't even considered when I chose to quit my job. On the other hand, this book gave me hope. It made me realize how I've let myself down and gave me the incentive to change it. I feel stronger, more determined, and more focused now. I feel like I have a purpose and a reason for getting up every morning. I only wish I would have read this book when it was first published. But I'm very glad that I found it and read it now before I let any more time slip past. I can't say enough how much I loved this book. It was exactly what I needed to read right now. I loved the author's advice about work, money, and investing. Since reading this, I've worked out a plan for my future and set up a retirement account. Seriously, if you're a woman and you haven't read this book yet, please do. It was horrifying and inspiring at the same time. Source: Library.

Lacey

January 12, 2014

I'm glad I read this book, but it will take more than a book review to encompass my thoughts on it (a long conversation with my mom, who was both a "stay-at-home mom" and a "working mom" at different points in our lives, some chats while walking the dog with my husband, and an ongoing series of booklikes blog entries have all helped). In some ways, this is an updated version of The Feminine Mystique: a critique of women's continuing to make the choice to give up their own income to raise children, and an assumption that a woman cannot be totally "fulfilled" by the roles of wife and mother alone--or at least, she can't be fulfilled by them forever. Leslie Bennetts's argument is mainly an economic one, full of grim statistics about mothers/women and poverty and tragic stories about women who built their lives around their children and husbands, only to have the man lose his job, die, or leave them without a way to support themselves or their families. I think it's tempting to have a, "It won't happen to me" attitude about these topics, and indeed, I think that always "watching your back" is not conducive to an intimate marriage, and that constantly "preparing for the worst" makes for a grim life indeed. Still, I think that she makes a compelling argument, and that women exploring the paid work/parenthood question should at least listen to what she has to say. That's why I'm glad that I read this.Leslie Bennetts's writing is smart, sharp, and accessible. It does come across as judgmental at times, although I think that's because she believes so strongly in her agenda. But where this book fell short for me was in its assumption that all women find meaning and "individualism" through their work or their careers. For many women, who they are as individuals doesn't necessarily correlate with what they do professionally, and I don't think a woman should keep a career that makes her miserable just so she has an identity outside of that of wife and mother. I would argue that any identity based on but one aspect of your life is a fragile thing, whether as wife, mother, writer, lawyer, or doctor. What makes someone rich as an individual is the intersection of many facets of their identities, and the opportunity to explore them all, even if not all at once. The other place that the book falls short is in stories about women who love being home but who don't seem to be in denial about it -- Bennetts seems to assume that women who adhere to the assertion that being home was the "right" choice, even if they came to financial ruin, are simply unable to face the truth. Having known a fair amount of joyful stay-at-home mothers, I wished that this side would have been explored at least a bit. Still, the joyful SAHMs I knew did also have other pursuits and interests, even if they didn't have full-time jobs outside the home. I've also known SAHMs like the ones described in this book, that feel adrift and depressed once their children no longer need them as much as they once did.This is a loaded topic, and this book is meant to push some buttons. Still, for the most part I found myself open to what Bennetts had to say, and grateful that she found a way to say it.

Christine

September 22, 2007

Ahh where to begin:I heard about this book from a married women's chat board type website. As a working woman who is pregnant and considering becoming a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) I figured this would be a good read.The author makes several good points: -A man is not a financial plan. -Just because you can stay home doesn't mean you should.-Women give up a lot of financial security to be able to stay home AND that is a stupid decision to make given that 50% of marriages end in divorce.-It is harder to re-enter the workforce than you think it will be.-Women in general experience lower income, more ageism, more sexism in the workplace and therefore it is even more important that women protect themselves with their career and financial choices.HOWEVER. The author could have made her points with half the number of pages. She is repetitive beyond belief. I also thought her word choices at times were condescending. She mentions the battles between the SAHMs and Working moms and how women in general have so many obstacles against them yet she cannot hide her distain and lack of respect for SAHMs at all. I think her points would have been taken better by the traditional women if she took a different approach or discussed them in a less disrespectful way.The other major flaw I find with this book is that the overwhelming majority of examples she provides to support her points are "older" women with exceedingly high-power jobs. Wall street stockbrokers, big law firm attorneys, high-profile journalists, millionaire heiresses, etc. Also most of the women she interviewed were local to the NYC area. When the author mentions lower/average incomes, she discusses a few women in Indiana with no college degree. Those two extremes are absolutely not comparable and are useless examples for the vast majority of career women struggling with career/motherhood choices. Aside from those glaring faults, I think the book brings to light some very harsh truths that many people do not talk about. I myself was raised in a conservative traditional gender role type household, my mother never worked and therefore I do not have a successful female working mom role model in my life. It was refreshing to read that it is worth the trouble and guilt to find a job you're happy with and stick with it when your children are young. It is reassuring to read that working women's children respect their mothers for maintaining a life outside of the kids and that it IS difficult during those early years but it's also very do-able.

Michelle

May 29, 2018

Empowering, frank, and common sense book with regard to career planning for women and their families. Having a career to rejoin, even if taking off some time to raise children, requires forethought. Fascinating and well-researched, Bennetts shares the stories we know all too well, but don't usually discuss. (women who opt out of career and then are blindsided by death, divorce, or life altering injury of the breadwinning spouse) I love the intersection of long and happy stable marriages, partnership, and raising young people who get inspired by sharing workload, the joys of family, and making a difference in the world. Worth a read.

Ramani

December 11, 2012

FABULOUS and realistic look at the real "choices" that women who "opt-out" make - and the impact this has on all women. Well researched and hard hitting.

Michele

June 15, 2017

This book is a must read for young men and women who are looking at getting married and having children. The author takes a hard look at the reality of staying home with the kids and the negative consequences to the parent staying at home. She goes over the positive effect that having both parents working can have on children. She takes the emotion out of it and looks at the cold hard facts based on her personal experience with her grandmother and mother. She dispels the myth that a man is a plan which is something that conservatives buy into even today. In today's society it isn't a good idea to have a parent stay at home with the breadwinner in the family leaving the nonworking spouse, dying or even becoming disabled where they are unable to work. Today with a possible reduction in food stamps and a work requirement for able bodied adults to receive them, a time limit on welfare payments, possible work requirements for someone to receive disability payments from the government and a shortage of affordable housing makes staying at home and not working at paid employment a bad option. I have seen the double standard in a Conservative Church where married women are praised for standing up for their family by refusing to get a job even if their husband is underemployed or unemployed while a single mother on government assistance is demonized for needing the assistance though she could have been the married woman earlier who refused to get a job but is now unable to get one due to her time out of the work force or is working a job that is unable to meet her bills. This book gets men and women to think if their bread winning spouse died or left them could they support their family. I grew up in a Southern Baptist church where you would be asked if you would go to heaven or hell if you were killed that day, but they don't ask their non working able bodied adults if they could support their families if their breadwinner died or left them which does happen to Conservative Christians also. This also educates men that if they do have a stay at home wife that yes they are setting her up to fail even though they may deny it or not face facts.

Kylie

November 26, 2019

A very important read for young women. It dragged on a little longer than needed. But, definitely, got the message across. Some strong quotes: “The United States is the only industrialized county in the world without a nationwide system of child care for working parents.” “A dismaying number of young women seem to spend more time imagining what their weddings are going to look like than they do on preparing for their life’s work.” “The short-term attractions of leaving the workforce can outweigh the long-term concerns, but it is a dangerous choice. We continue to clothe the economic arguments in the romantic notion that we make these choices based solely on love, and the market doesn’t play a part. The reality is that both play a role in marriage, but we’re living in a culture that does not talk about the dangers of dependency.” “So the main thing I want to say to other women is this: Protect yourself. Given the likelihood that you will have to fend for yourself at some point in the future, protect yourself against economic hardship by maintaining the capacity to support yourself. Protect your children by making sure you can take care of them financially should anything happen to their father.”

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