We Need to Talk audiobook

Headlee is a news show host on NPR whose primary business is interviewing people and learning from what they tell her. In this book, she uses her own observations backed up with current research to present several ways we can improve the quality of our conversations. Headlee argues that with Americans more divided than at any time in recent history, we are losing the ability to have civil, engaged conversations. The strategies she presents are not necessarily new or groundbreaking, but help us to recover the lost skill of difficult and involved conversation. She covers the idea of active listening, overcoming our bias in conversations, and mindfulness. I found this a useful discussion. The only disappointments for me were Headlee's apparent disregard for small talk or banter and her insistence that timing is crucial to good conversation, even to the point that she recommends simply walking away from conversations when we may be too tired or distracted to fully engage. While I understand that she is trying to present culturally specific advice for Americans, I think there are many times when important conversations must happen on someone else's timetable, not our own. I also think that preserve our verbal interactions for "quality" conversations disregards the social cohesion that small talk builds. Growing up in a large family and marrying into a culture that highly values both small talk and deep conversation, I think social interaction is a learned skill but I also think quantity can have a value even when the "quality" of the interaction is limited. Overall, I would recommend this book. I plan to use excerpts for discussions with my college students about conversation styles and also active listening and audience awareness.

Colorado's 2020 read for Conflict Resolution month is engaging as it is instructive. As a show host on public radio in Georgia, Michigan and NPR, Headlee learned how to use curiosity to hold meaningful conversations with people she didn't like nor agree. Curiosity helped her stay vested in the conversations, learning as much about herself as those she was interviewing.

Celeste Headlee believes conversation can change the world and after reading her book We Need To Talk, I agree.Good conversations increase our empathy and they help us consider other points of view, whether it's a political issue or how to handle a tricky situation at work or even a helpful tip related to a household chore. We walk away understanding ourselves and the other person better than we did before.This, of course, takes work. More importantly, it takes self-awareness. Most of us believe we're better conversationalists than we actually are.And there's the rub. When I started reading, I thought I had a pretty good handle on my conversation skills. There are, of course, areas I can work on but overall, I thought I was in pretty good shape. I'm a great listener and naturally empathetic. I used to be a social worker, for pete's sake. It was tempting to think about how much other people really needed to read this book.But Headlee called me out. Well, she called us all out. We've all made mistakes when it comes to conversation. We've said things we wish we hadn't, we've spaced out, our words have hurt the people we love and strangers alike. At a time when we're growing more divided and disconnected, we can't afford not to think about how to converse better. The book is divided into two parts. The first section focuses on the philosophy of conversation. How do we define a good or bad conversation? What can conversation teach us? What does the research say? I found chapter 3 about the hallmarks of good and bad conversation to be especially pertinent. Chapters 4 and 5 made me think a lot about my expectations of conversation and how I can fine tune my approach for difficult conversations. I may or may not have needed this reminder while discussing a hot political topic the other night.The second half of the book offers practical suggestions, such as how to ask questions, the benefits of silence, and why repetition doesn't actually help us communicate. It also discusses when we shouldn't converse- because there are times when this is the correct response. I was underlining and asterisking so many parts. It's made me view conversation in a whole different light and I'm already trying to put her suggestions into practice.We Need To Talk offers practical, insightful advice on how to improve our conversations. It's well-written and easy to read. In fact, it mimics Headlee's advice on how to have better conversations. It's focused and to the point. It's engaging. It asks good questions. It invites us to learn about ourselves and the world around us.The truth is we all need to heed Headlee's wisdom. I have a feeling I'll be referring back to this book for years to come. It's not enough for me to read it; I need to apply its truths to my life. Hold me to it.Disclosure: I received an ARC from TLC Book Tours in exchange for an honest review.

Listen. Cut to the chase. Stop formulating your responses while people are still talking to you. This was a really interesting read!

“The attempt to change somebody’s mind is the death of good conversation.”The ability to hold good conversations has become important to me; the skill for both listening and speaking is one that I would like to sharpen.I came across We Need To Talk via a podcast where I heard the author speak of her work. She made a positive impression. I became curious about her book. The book did not disappoint.Within the pages I found many good and practical pointers to improve conversation for both speaking and listening. The author’s writing style appealed, and her voice throughout made the information presented very accesible. I came away from the book with many quotes and ideas to apply to my daily life. This does not mean my conversation skills improved overnight as that’s a constant work in progress. Rather, I now have a clearer idea on what to keep in mind, where I can improve, and which steps to take over time. This is a book to return to periodically. There is a lot of good stuff to take in.A few quotes:“Through my experience and research, I’ve identified five key strategies that help facilitate a productive dialogue. They are: be curious, check your bias, show respect, stay the course, and end well.” p63“The most basic of all human needs,” said Dr. Ralph Nichols, who pioneered the study of listening, “is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” I can say without exaggeration that listening is the most important skill I’ve acquired in my life.” p221“To experience empathy, we must establish a connection between our idea of ourselves and of another person. We have to ask questions like, “Would I like it if that happened to me?” “How would I feel if someone ran over my mailbox?” p23

This is a topic that's become deeply important to me over the last few years - both as someone who publishes conversations as podcasts, and in my daily life. We could all listen more - all make a deeper effort to engage.A lot of what Headlee brings up hit bullseyes for me...so here's hoping it will help me be a better listener and a better conversationalist.

This book was a great, fast read - and so relevant to today. I am currently working on “listen more, talk less”, and this book gave me all kinds of insight about how to actually improve the quality of my conversations. I’m excited to start focusing on some of the author’s recommendations- she gave specific, simple things to work on. Only post-read thought: most of this book was based on the premise that conversations are 1-on-1, but many of my conversations are in larger groups. Not entirely sure how the ideas translate to these group situations.

An excellent book. Practical and written from an experts perspective but with humility and humour. Highly recommend!!!

I picked this book up after finishing one of Headlee’s other titles (“Do Nothing”). I just loved her writing style and down-to-earth approach. I’m glad I opted for this one as well, as it provided me with another great reading experience and more of Headlee’s keen wisdom.The message of this one is clear and impactful: we’ve lost our ability to effectively communicate with one another, and that loss is taking a serious toll on our relationships and overall well-being. As Headlee points out, few of us actually talk “with” one another anymore — we simply talk “at” each other, then wait for our next chance to respond.Technology isn’t helping this trend either — with the rise of the internet, it seems our attention spans have only gotten shorter, which has contributed further to our already faltering ability to effectively communicate with one another.As the book nears its end, Headlee reminds us of a few key conversation insights. Namely: listening takes work, we all crave to be understood, and a happy life is social rather than solitary. As we put more focus on our conversational skills as a result of this book, maybe we’ll take those lessons to heart and improve several categories of our lives at once.It’s another really great read that fans of the author and newcomers alike will enjoy.-Brian SachettaAuthor of "Get Out of Your Head"

A few chaffing points, but even before I finished reading the book I *immediately* became better at conversing with others, which is help that I really need and want. Highly recommend, especially as we approach Thanksgiving 😉

Must read for how to communicate. Don't be shifter, be a supporter.

Very good. I learned some things I need to improve on!

Her TedTalk about how to have a better conversation is one of my all time favorites- so of course I had to check out the follow up book- which only added to what I learned in the TedTalk.If you're interested in having better conversations- I highly recommend this one.