Most of us are living a lie.
We like to think of ourselves as “good people”, and because of this we come to the conclusion that we must also be honest people, because a good person isn’t dishonest, right?And yet, in order to believe this story, we must overlook a few things. Like how we are falsely agreeable with people we’re attracted to or intimidated by. Like how we pretend to feel positive emotions so that people don’t feel burdened by our darkness. Like how we hold back on speaking our minds to avoid confrontations. Like how we don’t call out our family on their bad behaviour. And, let’s face it: how we often straight-up lie.
For some of us, this has become more than just a habit or a reaction to difficult social situations, it’s become a lifestyle. We create a persona – a performance – that was originally designed to prevent rejection, embarrassment and conflict, but has since become an ongoing act that we automatically play out without even thinking about it.
And what’s wrong with that? Everything.
After more than 10 years spent coaching people on how to become more honest and confident by living with integrity, I’ve come to realise that dishonesty is at the heart of nearly all our suffering. It’s the reason you lie awake with anxiety. It’s the reason there’s so much conflict in your relationships. It’s the reason your friendships are superficial, your job is unsatisfying, and your self-worth is declining. Why? Because dishonesty is the cause of shame.
In this book, you will be challenged on everything you believe about yourself and how honest you really are. You will be shown the connection between your dishonesty and your suffering. But, most importantly, you will be shown how to safely increase your honesty until you can become bold, assertive, responsible, and yet still kind, without pretending to be something you’re not.