Our obsession with praise and blame begins soon after birth. Totally dependent on others, rapidly we learn to value praise and to fear the consequences of blame. Despite outgrowing an infant’s dependence, we continue to monitor others’ judgments of us-and develop what relational psychologist Terri Apter calls a “judgment meter,” which constantly scans people and our interactions with them, registering a positive or negative opinion.
Apter reveals how interactions between parents and children, within couples, and among friends and colleagues are permeated with praise and blame that range far beyond specific compliments and accusations. Drawing on three decades of research, Apter gives us tools to learn about our personal needs, goals, and values; to manage our biases; to tolerate others’ views; and to make sense of our most powerful, and often confusing, responses to ourselves and to others.

Once children hit adolescence, it seems as if overnight “I love you” becomes “leave me alone,” and any question from a parent can be dismissed with one word: “fine.” But while they may not show it, teens benefit from their parents’ curiosity, delight, and connection. In The Teen Interpreter, psychologist Terri Apter looks inside teens’ minds–minds that are experiencing powerful new emotions and awareness of the world around them–to show how parents can revitalize their relationship. She illuminates the rapid neurological developments of a teen’s brain, explains the power of teenage friendships, and explores the positives and pitfalls of social media. With perceptive conversation exercises that synthesize research from more than thirty years in the field, Apter illustrates how teens signal their changing needs and identities–and how parents can interpret these signals and see the world through their teen’s eyes. The Teen Interpreter is a generous roadmap for enjoying the most challenging, and rewarding, parenting years.