Everything Within and In Between audiobook

An emotional and honest coming-of-age contemporary filled with heart. Everything Within and In Between is an introspective story of a biracial teen's journey to reclaim and reconnect with her Latinx heritage after being told to squash it her whole life. It's about absent parents and toll they take. It's about friendships old, new, healthy and toxic. It's about so much of what comes with becoming a teen, e.g. academic expectations, crushes and discovering you limits, beliefs and sense of self. It's about privilege, prejudice and racism. It's about realising the people you've surrounded yourself with might not be the kind of people you once thought they were. It's about all that and so much more. The cast of characters were superb, the relationships brilliantly explored and the story heartfelt, thoughtful, poignant. I loved it. I would also 10/10 recommend the audiobook, as Frankie Corzo's narration was (as always) superb. TW: racism, microagressions, substance abuse, sexual harassment, absent parent

I wrote Everything Within and In Between thinking of and feeling many of the emotions I felt growing up biracial being raised by my first-generation Mexican American mom and my immigrant grandma. No adult made a greater positive impact in my life than my abuelita, and in many ways this book is a love letter to her and all of the hard work and sacrifices she made after moving to the US. This story also includes much of the confusion I felt at trying to find my place in the world as someone white passing in a family that wanted to assimilate. This book has so much of my heart in it, and I can't wait to share it with readers!

A thoughtful, introspective look at the life of a biracial teen, struggling to reclaim her heritage and form her identity amid conflicting messages about race, skin colour, education, family, language, friendships, and addiction. As in her other works, Barthelmess strikes a balance between telling a personal coming of age story full of shifting friendships and romances, while also painting a bigger picture of heritage and community. I find her heroines relatable, and her scenes unfold with a strong sense of naturalism that makes her worlds and characters feel real. Barthelmess also tackles racism from multiple perspectives, depicting the ways micro-aggressions, colourism, and negative stereotypes deeply affect lives, and how even the best-intentioned allies sometimes fall short of being helpful. In fact, they can be the most harmful of all. Recommended for those seeking a layered portrait of a young woman sifting through her past, deciding which pieces to use to shape her future.

How long does a lie last before everything unravels?I was searching on Goodreads one day and found this book! The next day I did an order from Indigo Bookstore, and arrived in Canada recently to receive this order. I was attracted to the bright colours of the cover, and the story on the back. I was excited for a different story, and couldn’t take my eyes off of the pages.In our book, Maria, who goes as Ri, lives with her grandmother. She finds her strict, boring, and grey. Ri is the opposite, for she is outgoing, bubbly, and colourful. One day Ri finds a letter from her mom, dated two years ago, that she wants to meet up with Maria. Oh! I should probably mention as well that her grandmother is an immigrant from Mexico, her mother abandoned her, and Ri can pass as white.So let’s continue. Then Ri goes to find her mother with her BFF Britney. Even though her grandmother doesn’t know, all is going well. And to connect with her heritage, she starts to take Spanish class. But to her dismay, her ex-bff also takes Spanish. From that day on, her lies and others start to unravel. From that day on, everything changes.And dear readers, my least favourite trope. A love triangle. Although, I really seemed to enjoy it this time around. She has to choose between Carlos and Edgar. Carlos is the hot and trendy guy, while Edgar is sweet and caring guy. Oh yes, while it is an easy option for us readers, she takes a little while to figure it out. Nikki Barthelemess makes sure we feel all emotions possible including: sadness, anger, embarrassment, and betrayal.Yup. There is betrayal dancing across all the pages. Pros: Page-turner, resolved ending, actual author’s experience, and real world issuesCons: Fast/easy endingRecommended for: People who are looking to make a difference in the worldRating: Five stars

Disclaimer: I received this e-arc from the publisher. Thanks! All opinions are my own.Book: Everything Within and In BetweenAuthor: Nikki BarthelmessBook Series: StandaloneDiversity: Latinx side characters, ownvoice Mexican American Biracial MC, Bisexual side character, f/f romance shown once by side charactersRating: 5/5Recommended For...: Young adult readers, contemporary, ownvoiceGenre: YA ContemporaryPublication Date: October 5, 2021Publisher: HarperTeenPages: 336Recommended Age: 15+ (Racism, Microaggressions, Underage alcohol consumption, Drug use, Colorism, Language, Religion, Purity culture, Slut shaming, Teen pregnancy mentioned, Sex mentioned)Explanation of CWs: Racism, colorism, and microaggressions are central to the plot. Underage alcohol consumption shown. Drug use shown. Slight language. Mentions of religion throughout the book. One chapter mentions purity culture fairly heavily. Slut shaming is mentioned. Teen pregnancy is mentioned. Sex is mentioned mildly.Synopsis: For Ri Fernández’s entire life, she’s been told, “We live in America and we speak English.” Raised by her strict Mexican grandma, Ri has never been allowed to learn Spanish. What’s more, her grandma has always pushed Ri away from the neighborhood they call home and toward her best friend’s world of mansions and country clubs in the hopes that it’ll bring Ri closer to achieving the “American Dream."In her most private thoughts, Ri has always believed that her mother, who disappeared when she was young, would accept her exactly how she is. So when Ri finds a secret unanswered letter from her mom begging for a visit, Ri decides to reclaim what her grandma kept from her: a language and a mother. But nothing goes as planned. Her mom isn’t who Ri imagined she would be. And Ri’s struggling to navigate the different interweaving threads of her mixed heritage that make her who she is. Nobody has any idea of who Ri really is—not even Ri, herself.Review: I really loved this book. I thought it did well too show the struggles, that I can only imagine and that I have only heard about from friends and read about in books, Latinx families face when coming to America and feeling a need to assimilate more into the white culture. I loved how brutally honest this book was in showing that. I felt like the character development was amazingly well done and the world building was also wonderful. The plot was also intriguing from start to finish.The only issue I had was that the pacing was a bit slow in the beginning but it picked up fast and overall I enjoyed this read immensely.Verdict: Highly recommend!

Her feet pound the pavement, her arms pump in a steady rhythm, and her heart races along with the beat of the music flowing through her earbuds. The wind whips around her, people watch as she passes, but she pays nobody any mind as she’s in her own world. Running helps calm her mind and spirit while the rest of the world turns in complete chaos. Her feet switch from solid ground to the uneven flow of the sand. She slows to a stop and removes her headphones, so the music can be replaced by the steady rush of the ocean waves. Here she is grounded. Here she is calm.Everything Within and In Between was so much more than your average YA filled with all the teen drama. Sure, there was teen drama and it will transport you to those reckless high school days, but it also grappled with a young teenaged girl’s struggle with fitting in and knowing the depth of her heritage and culture.I enjoyed traveling this journey with Maria, who goes by Ri. Growing up with light skin she was held back from her true heritage and thrown into a white-washed world to be “safer” but that’s not who she is and she knows it. This book was so beautifully written as she learned to embrace the culture and heritage that makes her who she is, despite the broken past she comes from.I highly recommend picking this one up!TW: Racism/Racist Comments, Micro-aggressions, Alcohol Abuse, Drug Abuse, Underage Drinking, Abandonment, Sexual Harassment, Cheating.*I received a gifted copy of this book from the publisher for my honest review.

What an absolutely adorable and relatable contemporary young adult book! Ri is quite the character and I'm so happy to have gotten to know her. She's half Mexican and half White... and as a White passing girl, her grandmother wants her to tap into that so that she can be more successful and go through "less pain" and doesn't understand why Ri wants to tap into her Mexican side more. This story cuts deep. The author takes us on a journey discovering stereotypes, microaggressions, heritage and oh so much more. Not only from the prospective of strangers being assholes but how even friends and family have their own racism and colorism within that can be even more harmful than helpful - no matter if it stems from somewhere they think is good. Oh how I feel this so much. And it also shows in how Ri acts towards her own friends, especially her best one. It's so easy to take aggression out on those closest to you but wow some of the scenes in how she treats Brittany are so annoying.While I didn't love everything about this book, I absolutely appreciate the way the author shows the struggle within a biracial girl who is being pulled in too many directions. I had to remind myself at times that Ri is a teenager and as such is prone to make the mistakes and bad decisions as she did... and that I wasn't going to like everything about it. Haha. Ah Ri - I am happy with how it ended and wish nothing but the best for her.

Everything Within and In Between is about a second generation Mexican-American girl who is struggling to find more about her roots because her grandmother, whom she lives with, wants them to be more “American”. This is a contemporary novel and I had high hopes because I have a hard time finding Latinx books with good representation, but this book met them.It follows María, or Ri, who’s in high school and wants to take Spanish class because her family never taught her and wanted to feel closer to her roots, and her grandma wasn’t happy about it. At the same time, she’s trying to reach her mother, who left when she was a child.Ri was a lovable character in my opinion, and the whole cast of characters were well thought out and written and I really enjoyed the Latinx representation. It has found family, which is a trope I love in books, and the friendships Ri formed in Spanish with people of her culture I found really special. My favorite character relationship was between Ri and Nina, who were childhood friends and reconnected because of that class. It was really interesting to see how much they actually needed each other the whole time and became friends in the end again.I think this was a great read for Latinx Heritage Month. I recommend it. I think people who enjoy heart felt contemporaries and books about connecting with your heritage will probably like it.

3.5 rounded upI obviously wasn't the intended audience for this YA coming of age story featuring Ri, a Mexican American teen who has grown up in a household that focused on her lighter skin, denying her latinx roots but I still really enjoyed it.Raised by her strict grandmoter, in the absence of her alcoholic mother, Ri goes tries to learn more about her culture, including taking a Spanish class and tracking down her mother. Along the way she learns more about her grandmother's experience with racism and why she pushed Ri to assimilate into mainstream society.I enjoyed the family dynamics and friend relationships in this book. Ri has to negotiate how to embrace who she really is and what that means for her old friends and the group of Latinx teens she starts hanging out with. Recommended for fans of I am not your perfect Mexican American daughter.CW: drug use, alcoholism, teen pregnancy, internalized racism

I think this is the author’s best book yet! A wonderful and emotional story at the intersection of culture, language, and typical teenage issues. I laughed, I cried, and I couldn’t put it down!

Thank you to NetGalley for a free eARC copy of this book, in exchange for my honest review. This book is very good! Ri is going through so much, and while she makes plenty of mistakes, she learns from them and develops as a character. I also love Ri's Abuela so much-- she, too makes mistakes but out of love and is also open to learning.

Ri passes for white. It’s not a conscious decision that she made. It’s just that she is. White. Whiter than the other Latinx kids in her school. And even if it was a conscious decision, she didn’t make it. Her grandmother did. Her Mexican grandmother who wants nothing to do with her own heritage and wants to steer Ri from all things Mexican. The story unspools slowly. The question as to why Ri’s mother is not a part of her life. The question as to why Ri doesn’t have any Mexican friends any more. Why does Abuela insist that she go to Yale or Harvard, when all she wants to do is attend the local college and become a writer? And why does Ri feel so out of place everywhere? Everything Within and in Between is a story of identity, lost and reclaimed. And Nikki Barthelmess does it beautifully.

** spoiler alert ** I’ve been in a bit of a reading slump lately, so it was nice to get completely captivated by a book again. This is the story of Ri Fernández, a biracial Mexican-American teenager who struggles with her cultural identity and with her family. Her mother left her when she was young, and the only family member she has left is her strict grandmother who wants them to assimilate, so she kept her from exploring more about her culture and didn’t even let her learn Spanish. She decides to take Spanish II so she could learn, despite how her grandma feels about it. When she has the chance to reconnect with her mother, she takes it, hoping that it will help her as she is on the journey of figuring out who she is, and she also hopes that her mother accepts her for who she is. But there is so much more to her family history than she thought.Overall, I really did enjoy this book. A lot of Ri’s story was very relatable. I’m not white-passing like she is, and I wasn’t completely kept away from my culture, but being born and raised in America meant that my experiences were different from those of my parents and other members of my family. I know what it’s like to not feel Latine enough and not as connected with your culture. My Spanish isn’t perfect either. I’ve felt the embarrassment of messing up in Spanish class, which is something that a lot of people would assume should come easy to me, like how they assumed with Ri. I also know how it feels to have trouble focusing on the mistakes your family makes because you know how hard they work to give you a better life. There’s the pressure to make them proud, especially when you’re reminded how everything they do is for your future. Then, they tell you how this is why you have to get a good education and a good job. The expectations can be a lot. There were also a lot of times where I wanted to yell at her because of the choices she was making. I know, she’s a teenager, and they make mistakes. She could still be frustrating at times. But I’m glad she later acknowledged her mistakes. The talks about colorism in the Latine community were something that was needed. It’s something that should be discussed more, and it can be hard for a lot of Latines to admit that it exists. There are issues in our community, and colorism is one of them. Ri is white-passing, so she didn’t realize this problem existed. I’m glad that she acknowledged the privilege that she had. People are going to treat her differently compared to how they treat her grandmother. It’s something that she needed to be aware of. Brittany’s behavior wasn’t excused, which was good because there were a lot of micro aggressions. She did care about Ri, and she didn’t seem to realize her behavior was problematic, but that doesn’t make it okay. She needed to recognize her mistakes and change. Words aren’t enough; action is needed. It would’ve been nice to see more of that change happening, especially since this was a breakthrough for their friendship, but I understand that the author wanted to wrap things up. Then, there was the romance sub-plot. Was it completely necessary to her arc? Not really. But I’m a romantic, so I still thought it was cute. What really shined here were the friendships and family relationships. I really liked that Nina and Ri talked about what happened in the past. Ri messed up; there is no excusing that. Nina doesn’t lie and say it never hurt. Like how Brittany’s behavior wasn’t excused, I’m glad that Ri’s wasn’t either and that she acknowledged that she needs to do better. Everything that happened with her mother was heartbreaking. The conversation she had with her grandmother after everything that happened with her mother had me tearing up. She finally told Ri more of their family’s past. I know how much it hurts to hear about the struggles your family has gone through and how it eventually all lead to where you are now. It was a difficult conversation, but it was one that they needed to have. That being said, the letter that was included at the end was a nice way to end it. She misses and loves her mother, but she knows that she needs to change. She’s determined to persevere, whether she’s in her life or not.Overall, I give this book 4.5 stars. CW: parental abandonment, sexual harassment, abusive relationship, alcoholism, drug use, micro aggressions, colorism, racism, teen pregnancy, mentions of sex

I received an ARC from Edelweiss TW: casual racism, toxic family, child abandonment, drug use (cocaine), alcoholism, abusive relationship (implied), sexual advances on a minor3.8Ri isn't like the other people in her neighborhood- thanks to her grandparents' insistence that she be "American", she has never been allowed to connect to her Mexican heritage. Her whole life she's been encouraged not to associate with other people of Mexican descent, and to use her white passing privilege to deny that she's Mexican at all. But after Ri finds a later from the mother she barely remembers, a letter proving that she actually wanted to be a part of her life, she's determined to break away from the smothering prejudices of her grandmother. Switching into a Spanish class and actually connecting with her mother are everything she could have wanted. But why do things suddenly feel so much more complicated?This is a really interesting story about assimilation and identity, which I think are both really important to hear about right now, and always. Assimilation is something that happens to marginalized groups all the time, due to colonization or due to family member's experiences with racism. It's an important topic, and I think it's dealt with really well in this book.I also think the look at colorism as a whole is a great thing to have in this story, and a look at privilege- for the rich and White, and for the white passing Mexican girl in comparison to the darker skin people around her.It's a well written and well paced book as well. There's enough going on that it never really feels slow. The layers happening in this book, as Ri questions her own complacency in racism, her best friend's actions, and the discrepancies in the stories these two different parts of her family are telling her, are enough to keep you really invested and feeling involved in what Ri is going through.And not only does the storyline have layers and depth, but so do these characters. Ri is going through a lot and you get a chance to see some different versions of her, as well as get different glimpses of both her grandmother and her mother, but even Brittany gets to be more than just a surface level stereotype of the White friend, which I appreciate.And, finally, I though the letter included in the back was the perfect way to end this story. It keeps with the intimate feeling of being with Ri, and it feels like a poetic match to the first letter.But there are some definite problems I had with this book, personally. And, mostly, it's about a lack of lead up or a lack of results. There is a lot going on in this book, and it's mostly done well, but some of what happens feels like it's coming completely out of the blue, or the plot makes the way for it approximately two seconds before it appears, so it doesn't feel organic. There are places where I think catharsis could have come through, but didn't because they didn't feel earned. And then there's the romance subplot- which never feels organic to the story, in either leg of Ri's romantic arc. I don't understand why a romance had to be included.Another aspect that felt forced was the cocaine subplot. I can understand why this was in the story, but it just never felt integrated. It was not subtle and it didn't mesh with most of what else was going on. I wish it had been approached another way, instead of popping back into the story simply to have an after school special moment every now and again.This is an interesting, unique story with important topics, and I think a lot of people are really going to love it.

Everything Within and In Between by Nikki Barthelmess Published October 5, 2021

This is a wonderful story about family, changing friendships, and learning to accept yourself. Maria--Ri--Fernandez grew up with her very traditional grandmother. Ri's mother left when she was a little girl and Ri has always wanted to know her, but her grandmother has stated that she is bad news (which is kind of harsh to say about your own kid, but it turned out that Ri's grandma was right all along). When Ri stumbles upon a letter her mom wrote to her grandmother in Spanish--a language that Ri was never taught because her grandma wanted her to more "American." This sends Ri on a journey to find out more about her heritage in order to find herself. She takes Spanish at school, reconnects with old friends, and learns that her supposed "best friend," is essentially racist towards Hispanic people (Ri is actually biracial--white/Hispanic, which is another important aspect of this book). I should add, this book takes place in California, where Hispanic people make up a majority of the population. I really recommend this one for anyone who wants a coming of age story involving a girl discovering her heritage.