The Ethan I Was Before audiobook

"You remember that, whatever happens. You are stronger than you know..."It takes a lot for a book to make me cry. The Ethan I Was Before had me completely choking up. What a gorgeous, gorgeous middle grade novel. There is so much heart and love in this book. It's one of those novels that you just know is going to be on a "classics" list, and is exactly the sort of book I would've treasured as a kid. (And I probably would've begged my parents for a pet wolf and a pet alligator. Once you read the story, you'll know what I'm talking about!)Ethan is such a relatable, empathetic character. In fact, it's hard to find a character in this novel who, by the end, you don't want to give a big hug. (Okay, except maybe Suzanne.) Coralee in particular is just so, so amazing - really sharp-witted. And Grandpa Ike! Love him!At the risk of giving any spoilers, I won't delve too much into the plot, but let's just say that there are plenty of twists and turns. The mystery elements had me holding my breath, and there's just the right amount of suspense. Above all, this is a story about friendship and finding yourself again after tragedy; the gorgeous writing carries you through grief and to the other side. I felt hopeful after finishing Ethan. One of my top MG picks for 2017.

** spoiler alert ** Southern Gothic children’s literature. Sounds crazy, no? But as weird as it might sound it’s a legitimate genre. You may think it’s all Flannery and Faulkner but kids have a delightful range to choose from. Now usually such books are in the vein of Sheila Turnage and her Three Times Lucky series, Zora and Me by Victoria Bond and T.R. Simon, and J.E. Thompson’s The Girl from Felony Bay. Which is to say, mysteries. The Ethan I Was Before by the North Carolina born Ali Standish isn’t a mystery in the traditional sense. Certainly she drops various mini mysteries into her text as you’re reading, but on the whole her book is a subtle exploration of redefining the self in the wake of personal tragedy. The essential mystery at the heart of the book isn’t “What happened to Ethan?” It’s “Who was Ethan?” And, “Will that version of him ever come back again?”The first time Ethan ran away he was caught early on. The second time too. The third time his own brother caught him. Now he and his family have moved from Boston to Palm Knot, Georgia, to a home of a grandfather Ethan’s never known and a school full of people he’s never met. Personal tragedy dogs his every waking moment. Something about a best friend named Kacey and what happened to her on a snowy night not long ago. When Ethan makes the acquaintance of Coralee he isn’t looking for a new friend, but this hugely talkative, upbeat, pipsqueak of a human being seems like exactly what Ethan needs to acclimate to his new home. But still, mystery surrounds everything here. Why is Ethan’s grandfather’s bedroom forbidden territory? Who is the mysterious woman Ethan and Coralee saw in an abandoned house? And do her subsequent appearances have anything to do with the treasure they found in the house that fateful day?When I was a younger reader and reviewer of children’s books I could pick up, read, and finish any middle grade novel you handed me. These days, I find my patience finite. I look back at the time when I could finish any book, no matter how awful, with yearning. Those were the days, eh? And though it sounds trite to say, I can usually predict within 20 pages whether or not I’m going to want to finish any story I’m handed. Now the opening Prologue of The Ethan I Was Before is the kind of work you could probably hand to a creative writing class as an example of a good strong first chapter. Look at everything it manages to pack in! Mystery. Suspense. A creepy vibe. Heartfelt emotion that grabs the reader long before they know why they should even care about the characters. Slap on that kicker of the double ending lines (“Once my feet start moving, I can’t seem to make them stop. I have to get to Kacey”) and you’ve got yourself a winner. This book may be Standish’s debut, but she knows how to pull a reader in, right from the get go.Mind you, the book does run a great risk of mystery exhaustion. Over the course of a few chapters the reader is left wondering what happened to Ethan, what his brother said to him that was so awful and true back in Boston, why no one can go in his grandfather’s bedroom, and what truly happened to Kacey. And that’s even before we pile on the additional mysteries of who Coralee truly is, who the mysterious woman is that’s stalking the kids, where the treasure came from, and why Coralee has memories of an abandoned house. Mysteries are fine things. Judiciously placed they can lure a young reader deeper and deeper into a narrative, until they’re so emotionally invested in the story and the characters that they can no longer extract themselves. That said, you can’t leave the solutions entirely until the end of the book. Do that and you have what I like to call Lost syndrome, where there are so many mysteries left unsolved and dangling threads swaying in the breeze that the reader is left unsatisfied even if the characters are well defined. Standish does pretty well in this regard. I’m sure that there was a temptation to leave the central mystery of what happened to Kacey and Ethan to the end, culminating in a large reveal. Instead, she judiciously places that answer in the center of the book, allowing the smaller mysteries to accumulate, even as the reader is satisfied a bit early on. And yes, there is a bit of an info dump done in the middle of a hurricane that feels awfully convenient, but since those particular mysteries all relate to one another, it’s not a bad bit of business.The central question that lies at the heart of this book is whether or not the person you have become in the wake of personal loss (whether it’s immediate or cumulative) is the real you. Let’s look at Ethan. He blames himself for what he believes to be an unforgiveable crime. By running away from home he runs from what he did and, more immediately, himself. His grandfather, by contrast, hardly even moves. His reaction to loss is to set down thick implacable roots, never moving from a time in his life when he felt happiest. These are pretty classic cases of personality forged in sudden tragedy. Coralee, in contrast, recreates herself in the image of her absent mother, constructing a life, if not a personality, that is not her own. Throw them all together and you get an characters that can push and pull and play off of one another thanks to their differences.Read too many children’s books and you pick up on a certain shade of foreshadowing. So as I went through this book and watched Ethan make friends with Coralee I found myself increasingly grateful for the disappearance of Kacey. Why? Because this book veers awfully closely into Bridge to Terabithia territory. Think about it. Loner boy meets potential manic pixie dreamchild friend. She takes him to a secret lovely location in nature that they keep to themselves. There’s a big storm and she is threatened by water. But unlike a kid reading this book I was pretty sure that Coralee was going to be a-okay. One best friend dead is fine (not "fine" but you know what I mean). Two? No kid’s going to stand for that. No adult reviewer reader either. *cough cough*Oh! And the writing! Did I mention the writing yet? Silly me. I always forget to mention whether or not an author is capable of slinging two or three words together in a notable fashion. You can plot plot plot all day until you’re blue in the face but an outline is not a book. For a book you need a little eloquence to your language. A little kick to your word slinging. And while I wouldn’t say that Standish is going to blow you away with her descriptive text, there are little things she does that stand out for a reader. Take, for example, this bit that comes Ethan’s first night at his grandfather’s house as he looks out his new bedroom window: “My room looks out on a marsh, where water snakes through patches of reeds the color of Easter basket grass, like it’s trying to find its way somewhere. I guess it probably is.” And later, “I turn my attention to the bay, where a lone sailboat trawls across the sun-shot horizon. The color of the water is like a box of melted crayons, like something from a dream.” These little bits of time and place I like. They’re little anchors in the place of the book, giving you a sense of it, if not the whole enchilada.Spoiler Alert: Skip this next paragraph if you'd like to keep some surprises for the end.Put plain, maybe part of the reason I think of this book as “Southern gothic” is the Boo Radley nature of the mom. She has a lot of Boo to her. The lurking. The treasure. The fact that she’s watching a boy and a girl from afar. And, of course, the dramatic rescue she makes at the end. The book doesn’t quite delve into the small town mentality that would have affected her so deeply that it could have. Really, the only time you get a glimpse of that is when Ethan and his mom come to the town and meet an old classmate of hers from back in the day. I think I would have liked more of a sense of the town itself. The characters in this book are full of personality but Palm Knot, Georgia doesn’t. It’s not the focus of the story, but I think getting a sense of the mom’s conflict in returning to this town she left behind (feelings inextricably linked to her feelings about her own father, no doubt) would have added immeasurably to the book, and given all the characters (Coralee, her mom, Mack, Suzanne) something pulling their strings invisibly.A children’s librarian’s job is to sell kids on books. Some books make this easy. They have explosions, or humor, or something exciting going crazy on their jackets. Other books play a subtle game. Harper Collins did Ms. Standish no favors in giving her the dreaded brown cover (the only color that kids actively avoid when choosing their novels). But the cover is mitigated not just by its title (which is memorable) but also by the writing itself. A librarian could booktalk a story of this sort by recapping the Prologue alone. With The Ethan I Was Before Ms. Standish effectively delves into a variety of serious issues, but wraps them in an appealing mélange of gothic, mysterious, exciting elements. Hurricanes and wild wolves and pool parties. Realistic contemporary fiction can be a hard sell to a kid sometimes, but this book? I feel like this book sells itself. And if you happen to get some really good writing, plotting, and characterizations on the way? Well that’s just icing on the cake.For ages 9-12.

This hauntingly beautiful debut novel by the prodigiously talented Standish takes as its starting point the unanswerable question: what becomes of who you were before if you unwittingly do something tragic and irrevocable that divides your life forever into two parts, Before and After? The portraits of Ethan, his currently estranged brother, previously estranged grandfather, troubled parents, and charismatic but unsettling new friend Coralee are brilliantly drawn. Standish kept me turning pages in a desperate longing for Ethan to achieve self-forgiveness and to reconcile his "Before" self with the self he has become. I'll be surprised if this one isn't going to be a contender for major awards.

This book was a page-turner filled with adventure, magic, and friendship while also dealing delicately with the subject of trauma. More than anything, the story is gripping! The dialogue feels natural and true to the characters personalities and their ages. The author shows a talent for writing clearly and effectively on a sensitive topic and young readers will surely see the connection between the story and the tough situations present in their own lives. This is a book that will help kids find their own confidence and their way back to mischief. For a book focused on kids, family relationships, adventures, and animals in the southeast, it's full of substance and meaning.

Ethan Truitt, 12, and his best friend Kacey Reid used to have all kinds of adventures together, until one night Ethan dares Kacey to do something and, though it ends in a tragic accident, Ethan can't help but blame himself for causing it. Now, his parents are moving from Boston to Palm Knot, a coastal town in Georgia, using the excuse that they need to take care of his elderly grandfather, but in reality, Ethan knows it is an attempt to help him come to terms with his overwhelming grief and his all-consuming guilt.At first, living with his grumpy grandpa Ike in a somewhat dumpy, dilapidated house, and with an angry older brother who resents him because of the move, really isn’t helpful. At school, Suzanne, who seems to have a little crush on Ethan, wants him to hang around with her and her friends, the “cool kids,” but Ethan isn’t very inclined to do that. Instead, he starts hanging around with the intrepid Coralee Jessup, a smart, talkative black girl who claims to be violin prodigy, and who is not much liked by the “cool kids.” Coralee also introduces Ethan to the unofficial library in the back of the hardware store, both run by Mack, a woman who has been collecting books for decades and who always has some salt water taffy for her patrons. And maybe grandpa Ike isn’t so bad after all, especially when he decides to teach Ethan how to drive his pickup truck. As Ethan adjusts to life in Palm Knot, the circumstances of Kacey’s accident are slowly revealed in flashbacks. The reader knows that Kacey is still alive because Ethan has run away a few times to try and see her. She is in a nursing home, in a coma and on life support. When Ethan is told that her parents have decided to take her off life support, Ethan’s pain is intense and palpable. His pain is compounded by the fact that when he finds out that Coralee has betrayed his confidence about what happened to Kacey to Suzanne, Suzanne also makes it a point to tell him the truth about Coralee’s life with the result that Ethan begins to believe that everything Coralee has told him about herself is a lie. Everything comes to a dramatic climax and denouement when a hurricane hits Palm Knot and Coralee goes missing. Ethan couldn’t help Kacey when she was hurt, but can he redeem himself and help save the new friend he turned his back on?The Ethan I Was Before couldn’t be a more appropriate title for Ethan’s story. No one remains unchanged after going through a trauma that literally shatters the innocence of childhood, and the intense feelings that follow. This coming of age novel is written in the first person from Ethan’s point of view, so that the reader journeys with him through all his turmoil and agony as he finally attempts to come to terms with Kacey’s accident and his part in it, and begins to discover who he is now. Besides his narration, there are, throughout the book, lists that Ethan makes at the suggestion of his therapist in Boston just before he moved, thinking it might help him make sense of his world and who he is now, ”The Ethan you were before may be gone, but now you have the chance to get to know the new Ethan.” This is a debut novel for Ali Standish, and while I thought there was just a little too much going on at the end of the story, I also felt that she really understood what Ethan was going through and conveys it to her readers quite well and with a great deal of empathy. Ethan’s story is very moving and will have readers riveted, I know I was. And while it is an emotionally charged novel about guilt, grief, the possibility of healing, it is ultimately a novel about the importance of family, friendship, honesty, and most importantly, hope.This book is recommended for readers age 9+This book was an EARC received from Edelweiss+

I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH!!!! i was just really heartbroken learning about Ethan losing Kacey not meaning to but happened, time is so powerful you can 't take back what is said or done, but you just have to move along but not forgetting that person (or thing..etc). I felt really sad reading about the dare that night and what happened to Kacey. But i loved the way Ali Standish kept the story going on how Ethan doesn't forget but is in a better position than before and how Coralee helped and made Ethan the Ethan he was before.And at the end how Ethan did it, accepted that Kacey will be happier in a better place than she is in, how he was able to go to his Kacey and tell her it's time.......I am never going to forget this book i loved it!!!!!!

Do you ever read multiple books by certain authors and conclude that the author has some sort of contract with Kleenex? Ali Standish is one of those authors. I wanted to read at least one middle grade book for #middlegrademarch. I originally planned on Grendel, but I wasn’t in the mood for something terribly dark, so I picked up The Ethan I Was Before instead, thinking Ali Standish would surely offer me the perfect comfort read. If you’ve read this, feel free to laugh at my ignorance. This was dark. But it did offer the solace I was seeking as well. Ali Standish doesn’t shy away from tough topics in her novels and I really appreciate that. There are a lot of kids out there who go through some really difficult things at such young ages. Books like this are so important. While some young readers may prefer the perfect escape story, there are others who will benefit from books like this that whisper “you are not alone” throughout the pages. Twelve year old Ethan Truitt lost his best friend in a tragic accident, one that he blames himself for. In an effort to help Ethan heal, his parents move him from Massachusetts to Georgia, hoping that this fresh start will be good for him. While still traumatized by the past, he starts to move forward slowly, thanks to an outgoing, adventurous girl named Coralee. This story is heart wrenching, obviously, and significantly heavier than How to Disappear Completely, which I was ill-prepared for. I picked it up because of the author and hadn’t paid much attention to the synopsis. It’s packed with difficult situations that even adults struggle to navigate, but Standish brings her readers through it all beautifully, offering wisdom and the possibility of healing along the way. I was leaning toward a four star rating for most of the book. There was one mystery that was hinted at and although I recognize that kids might not pick up on it, I was frustrated by how easy it was to see throughout the narrative. I also didn’t understand why Standish would aim to shock readers with that particular reveal. Additionally, I didn’t like the unsafe choices she had Ethan and Coralee make, although it did add suspense and made the conclusion all the more touching. In the end, those aspects were forgivable, as the last several chapters broke me completely, making it clear that this was worthy of all the stars and then some. And that ending - oh, my! Really, Standish is in cahoots with Kleenex. I’m sure of it. Looking at this from a parent’s perspective, I’d say this is something you might want to read with your child or read ahead of time, as there is some content kids will surely have questions about. Having context for those discussions will be very helpful. Even if you don’t have the target audience living with you, you shouldn’t shy away from this one. It’s a fantastic read that is sure to move you, no matter how old you are.You can find all of my book reviews, lots of other fun bookish content, and the occasional ramblings about movies right here: https://www.facebook.com/abookishbutt...

Debut novelEthan is a happy, rather typical middle schooler in Boston, Massachusetts. He has a good relationship with his parents, his older brother Roddie, and Roddie’s girlfriend, Grace. Ethan’s true soulmate is his best friend, Kacey Reid. I was careful not to say girlfriend. The Reid’s live next door to the Truett’s, and the kids grew up almost as siblings. An unthinkable and tragic event occurs at a party which changes everything. Ethan is not emotionally capable of fully facing the event, and he is profoundly and permanently changed.The Truitt’s relocate to the small town of Palm Knot, Georgia, to live with Ethan’s Grandpa Ike. They claim they’ve moved south to help Grandpa in his old age, but the true reason is to give Ethan a fresh start in a new town. Ethan has been depressed, has tried to run away, and his behaviors concern and frighten his parents. No one is happy about the move; high school junior Roddie is bitter and resentful to leave his star status on the baseball team, Grandpa is hostile and outraged that his daughter has taken over his house and dares to throw away possessions she thinks are useless, and Ethan is still just as sad as ever. Despite his sadness, Ethan is sensitive to those around him. Braving the school bullies, Ethan finds the courage to stand up for the two underdog friends he has made. At home, Ethan breaks through grandpa Ike’s cold exterior and forms the only good family relationship. He realizes like himself that Ike also feels isolated and lonely. As the story progresses, it becomes clear that Ethan's overprotective parents are not being honest with him. Ethan learns a lot about himself as he looks through the eyes of a new friend, the spunky Coralee Jessup, who carries a few secrets and disappointments of her own. The reader will be intrigued with the suspenseful subplot involving a missing red wolf and the mysterious woman who appears at the top of the stairs in an old abandoned house not to mention the velvet box of precious jewelry. This first person narration by Ethan is a story our middle and young adult readers will not soon forget.

From the very first page, we are sucked into the mystery of what happened to Ethan Truitt's best friend Kacey and why it resulted in his parents moving themselves, him, and his older brother Roddie to a small town with Georgia to live with Grandpa Ike, who seems less than thrilled to have them there. Ethan is a haunted, broken boy, and his heartbreak makes the reader's heart break. Nothing his family does seems to bring him out of his depression and guilt, but a small spitfire named Coralee, may be up to the task. This is a rich, deeply personal and moving story, and Standish creates a world that thrums and hums with life - both in terms of characters and in terms of setting, and the two support each other admirably and thematically, especially when the hurricane hits. When the story of Kacey is ultimately revealed it is done naturally and carefully, as are the other surprises. This book is sure to be beloved by young readers and the adults in their life. I truly loved it!