Four Three Two One audiobook

4.5 stars. This one was really, really heavy but wow. Courtney Stevens might be a new favorite author for me because I loved this SO MUCH. I need a little more time to sit with this before I review it but seriously, this was SO good.

You can find the full review and all the fancy and/or randomness that accompanies it at It Starts at Midnight I haven't been so enamored with a book in quite some time. This was such a freaking amazing book, and one I hadn't expected to hit me as hard as it did. And truth be told, I don't think that anything I can say will fully do it justice. Have you ever read a book and it just exuded a certain feeling? Drew you in, made you fall in love with the whole damn thing? Well, that's where we are here. So I am going to tell you a bunch of junk I liked about the book, while trying to explain that it is even more than the sum of these positives. Okay, here we go! •Female friendship that is just... everything I want in a girl bond. The relationship that Go had with Becky was just authentic as hell. Sure, it was messy sometimes, and complicated, but Becky was going to be there for Go no matter what. Go learned so much about herself and others from her relationship with Becky, and it was just healthy and a great representation of what friendships are really all about. •Loads of family stuff. Go's relationship with her parents was complicated at best. But also really realistic feeling, and full of love. But the best, the best relationship was the one Go had with her grandma. Gran reminded me of a combination of both of my grandmothers, who I love and adore more than just about anyone, so seeing her have this incredible relationship with hers was so freaking heartwarming. •Trials and tribulations of the aftermath of a trauma, but also of just life and growing up. So this is twofold, because each of these things on its own is awesome, but also when you add them together it's incredibly profound. Obviously, the ramifications of the bombing are numerous. You have survivor's guilt, regular guilt, trying to move on after, and so on. The story develops a lot as the friends travel on, and you get a lot of insight into the baggage that everyone is carrying. But, it's also about growing up in its own right. Growing apart from people you love, finding new people to love, and figuring out who and what you want to be. Obviously, navigating these two dynamics together makes for some powerful storytelling.  •The writing is simply lovely. I highlighted just a ton of passages. Some were beautiful, some were poignant, some were light-hearted and fun, but overall I found the writing to be such a huge plus in this book. •I cared for every single character. Even the more minor ones, everyone in the story truly served a purpose. Bottom Line: Like I said, this is just the tip of the iceberg of awesomeness. It's just a story that you feel so deeply, one that I wholeheartedly recommend.

Take an author who is excellent at writing powerful stories about heartbreaking situations. Add a plot line about a bombing, abusive relationships, recovery journeys and the power of human togetherness. Drop in five character: four survivors and one along for the ride. Stir together and shake a little. With that recipe it’s no wonder that Four Three Two One is an incredibly powerful and emotive story of surviving, overcoming insurmountable odds, and forgiving yourself. Golden Jennings is one of four survivors of a bus bombing. While she is eager to unpack the emotions and fallout from that fateful day in New York, her boyfriend, another survivor, won’t mention it at all. When one of the attending paramedics reconstructs the bus and creates a memorial for those who died in the blast, Golden decides to make the trip to New York again. With a new-found friend and the two other survivors, Golden begins a journey towards making new memories, facing old ones and maybe even find some form of healing.I absolutely adore Courtney Stevens’ writing and novels. Time and time again she produces stories that grip me as a reader, delight me as a librarian because I know this too will be a book that will be handed from reader to eager reader, and make me proud to be human. The majority of Four Three Two One is written from Golden’s perspective, after the bombing. There are a few extra sections written from fellow bomb survivor, Caroline. These additions offer insight into what happened before the bomb and after and Caroline’s tumultuous feelings and current state of mind. It is through Caroline that we readers also gain insight into the bomber himself and the damage he caused that reached far beyond the bus bombing.While terribly sad and traumatic, in true Courtney Stevens style, Four Three Two One is an uplifting and often humorous novel. It is superbly written, scattering enough details throughout the story to keep readers totally engaged, but leaving some pretty big reveals for the conclusion. Family, relationships and romance all play their part in Four Three Two One. Diverse and complex characters, topical themes and stunning writing come together to make a novel that is a must-read YA contemporary and a must-have for all library shelves.The publishers provided an advanced readers copy of this book for reviewing purposes. All opinions are my own.Find more reviews, reading age guides, content advisory, and recommendations on my blog Madison's Library

Wasn't expecting to love this but it was amazing!

Go, Chan, Caroline, and Rudy all lost something that day on the bus. While some scars were more obvious than others, each one was harboring some pain and guilt, which was holding them back. Go was hoping that facing her fears at the exhibit would help propel her forward, but maybe she, and all the other survivors, would find the strength they needed before they arrived in New York. • Pro: This story was emotional and painful and wonderful. Stevens did such an incredible job helping me navigate the very complicated feelings these characters were experiencing, and I loved all the feels that were passed on to me. • Pro: Survivor stories are always interesting to me. We automatically think of how lucky the they are, but I don't think one can fully understand the complex emotions at play for these people. Four Three Two One was such a thoughtful look at the baggage they were stuck with following the event. Each of these survivors was harboring some guilt related to the bombing, and seeing its impact on their lives was saddening. • Pro: I thought the story was structured really well. The story was told predominately from Go's point of view in the present, but we also got some chapters from past and present Caroline, and even a little bit of Rudy's viewpoint via his written work. I felt like I got a good look in their heads, and a better understanding of what they were experiencing via this format. • Pro: The characters were all so well drawn, super likable, and so easy to root for. I even grew to love and care for Caroline, even though she was (rightfully) angry and damaged, because she was just as well crafted as the other characters. • Pro: There were two really great side characters: Go's grandmother and Becky. Gram was an encouraging and supportive voice, who didn't let fear force her to discourage Go's ambitions, and Becky! She was the sunshine and the cheerleader for this group of survivors. I think she was really important to the story too, because she was a non-survivor in the group, and being on the outside of it all allowed her to be objective and see things more clearly at times. • Pro: Post explosion, the four survivors had to embrace their new futures. Things happened as a result of the event, which altered their futures, and some of them needed a little nudge to keep moving towards that new destination. Overall: This was one fantastic non-road trip road trip. It was a beautiful story of the different ways we survive and the healing power of love, forgiveness, connection, and friendship. *ARC provided in exchange for an honest review. BLOG | INSTAGRAM |TWITTER | BLOGLOVIN | FRIEND ME ON GOODREADS

You know those books that have a special something that you know will stick with you, even if you can’t quite place what that something is? That’s what this book was for me.The emotions, the bombing, the 4 people who survived and the guilt they felt for such survival is the epicentre of this story. But it’s so much more than that. It’s about making friends who really know you, faults, Walt’s and all. It’s about growing up and how that means something different to every single person. It’s about realising that love comes in tangled and messy ways but it still needs and demands to be felt. Golden is a character that’s relatable. Honest. Beautiful. But not in your typical cliche kind of way. But in a way that is uniquely hers. My favourite quote sums up what this book is about and why I loved it so much - life is about one step at a time.

4.8 starsI'm so glad I stumbled on this book. It has a few scenes that are a little too "High School Musical"/Hollywood--where it's sweet but you also know actual teenagers would not sit in a circle holding hands saying "I forgive you." That aside, GREAT book with fantastic exploration and commentary on what it is like to be a surviving teen and just how far the waves reach when one person does something terrible. We are all connected. I loved these two quotes:"I have to live in the future the past gave me.""Terrorism isn't a bomb. Terrorism is being afraid there will always be a bomb. [...] Pain isn't a bomb. Pain is being afraid no one understands your pain. I know pain. I'm intimately acquainted with the loneliness of believing I am the only one who understands pain like mine. Blame isn't a bomb. Blame is a single arrow I shoot at myself. I know blame. Fear isn't a bomb. Fear is a friend I greet every morning like a spouse on the other side of my bed. I know fear. Fear reminds me that the world takes what it wants and it probably wants me. Fear whispers, "Today could be your last day." Fear is my tattoo, the one on my face. The one strangers see at first glance and think, "my god, boy, what happened to you?" There were days I wanted to be done with terror, pain, blame, and fear. I planned to kill the bad emotions like they were monsters but it's hard to kill the monster that lives inside you. Today, I'm exorcizing the monster. There is no way to know in advance if I have the strength. I won't know until I touch bus 21, look at my friends, and say "I'm ready." I won't know until I allow them to lift my chair onto the very bus that stole my legs. But if a man can be ready to be ready, I am that man."

This book ripped my heart out and then slowly mended it. This book follows the four survivors of a bus bombing. Each of these for characters is dealing with their own form of PTSD and survivors guilt. These four characters along with a close friend of one of the survivors take a road trip to the Gand opening of a memorial built for the victims of the bombing. At its core, this book is about healing and forgiveness. The character relationships and individual character development led to a beautifully-raw and moving story of how one event can change everything. This book is full of heartbreaking moments but is equally full of inspiring moments. I love this book, and I am so grateful to the author for writing such a magnificent book.

Life After Tragedy"Chandler and Golden versus the world" has been the motto of Chan and Go since they were 11. As seventeen-year-olds, they're a couple, and although they're still facing life's challenges together, there's been a distance between them ever since they became two of four survivors of a horrific bus bombing in New York City. It's been a year since that bomb killed nineteen teens, and Chan and Go are back home in the Hive, the Kentucky commune where they've grown up. Chan and Go are physically okay, but they both silently carry psychological wounds and secrets that are pulling their relationship apart.FOUR THREE TWO ONE by Courtney Stevens chronicles Go's efforts to reclaim herself in the aftermath of the tragedy. Go is a strong character, but she seems on the verge of breaking from the strain of not dealing with what happened on Bus 21. Go would like to talk about it with Chan, with her parents, or with the other survivors, but most of those closest to her refuse. This makes Go determined to revisit the scene of the bus bombing by returning to New York for the one-year anniversary of the event. An artist (who also happens to be the EMT who took care of Go at the scene) has taken the destroyed bus and turned it into a piece of art, and he's chronicled the whole process in a reality show. That show has also led to a college fund being developed for the four survivors, and that fund has allowed Go to dream of eventually escaping the Hive and leaving Kentucky for college.Go gathers others to travel with her to New York: a reluctant Chan, the other two survivors--both of whom have stories and secrets of their own--and Becky, a friend from school who seems to be just along for the ride but is an integral part of the group.There is so much going on in FOUR THREE TWO ONE that it's hard to give a synopsis without writing a full book report... in short, Stevens does a great job writing about broken teens who are trying to pull themselves together while managing the difficulties, both large and small, that life brings. The road trip aspect of the book keeps things moving, and some of the minor characters like Go's grandmother help keep everything grounded and "real." There are times when there is a LOT of talking, but these characters have loads of ground to cover, so that can be forgiven.This is a book that I would love to see made into a movie. The scenes throughout are vibrant, the main characters (and a few minor ones) are people I'd like to hang out with in the flesh, and I like the world that Stevens has built. Yes, really bad things happen, but there is plenty of good, ample amounts of hope, and room for dreams. Readers can learn a lot from Go's determination to "keep living a full life with a damaged past rather than a damaged life."My thanks to the publisher and YA Books Central for a copy of FOUR THREE TWO ONE in exchange for my honest review, and kudos to Courtney Stevens for another excellent book.

I received this book for free from The Publisher in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.There is much to like about this book honestly, but here is what I liked most:The relationships of the characters as the story progresses, and how interconnecting their stories were. There's a couple, a stranger, and new friendship that I just adored. You FEEL for all the characters in different ways.This wasn't just about a tragedy, but also about moving on from it, and living life.Family. STRONG family connection(s) in this book that made me smile.The look into Caroline's before and after. Each character carried their own pain, guilt, and horrors from the bombing, but her POV really got to me.The Ending. I can't get specific because of spoilers, but I really really liked how this ended.

Golden, Chan, Rudy, and Caroline. The four survivors of the New York City Bus 21 Bombing that happened back in June; now almost a year later, there will be an art installation memorializing the eighteen victims who were not so lucky. But the bombing has left each one of them scarred in different ways: Golden can't bring herself to get on a bus; Chan, who avoids talking about New York City altogether; Rudy bears the physical scars; and Caroline, whose former boyfriend was the bomber. Each of them also carries their own secrets and guilt that weigh them down. This was a very poignant read, exploring the after effects of traumatic experiences, and how they affect people differently. One quibble with the audiobook was the continued mispronunciation of Keuka (it's kuh-YOO-kuh), but that doesn't take away from the story (and is probably undetectable if you're not from upstate New York). Unfortunately, this story seems timely and relevant in today's landscape; recommended for grades 9 and up.

OMG what an amazing story! I just loved it. The story follows a girl named Golden, who survives a bus bombing. She wasn't even supposed to be on that bus but because of fate and chance her and her boyfriend, Chandler, end up on the bus and in the middle of this horrible event. The book brings her and the other survivors together to deal with the emotional and physical trauma they all suffered. I do not want to go into the book more as to not spoil it but I highly recommend it to everyone. This book deals with some hard issues but through it all friendships are made.

this one was an instant favourite. i cried, i smiled, i cried even more. this just really got to me.the characters are all so well-written and play off eachother in interesting ways. throughout the book, the tragedy and what part they all played in it slowly gets unraveled and you just can't help but feel for all of them, in their own sad ways.who really spoke to me was caroline (is that depressing? yes, i guess it is). her feelings were all so close to my heart and were just portrayed so closely to real life mental health issues that i got chills. for me, at least, she was a really good representation. i love how her character progresses through the book and especially the lgbt+ rep she brings to the story.it's a very character-driven book and i love that. there's a goal on the horizon but at some point, the focus shifts from that to the journey and challenges the characters face and try to overcome.this book was a treat and one i will gladly revisit in the future

More like a 4.5, I loved this one! Full review to come closer to release date.

I should start this review by saying that after much deliberation, before I read this book I had decided that Courtney C. Stevens was my favourite author. This book made me love her that much more. I love her writing for how raw and real it is and how unafraid she is to tackle subjects that are hard to talk about and often mishandled by others with the most elegance. Issues she talks about are very much all or nothing writing wise or they can come off as disrespectful and she is never hesitant to go fully in and I admire that bravery more than any other author I have ever read. This book was definitely no exception. This focuses or four (well technically five but only four who were in the bus explosion) people. Golden or Go who was on the train with her boyfriend, Chandler the boyfriend, Rudy who is the reason Go went on the bus, and Caroline the bomber's girlfriend. The bus they were on was bombed by Simon and 19 of the 23 passengers died leaving the four survivors alone with their guilt, despite Go and Chandler leaving on a commune where they both grew up together. Becky is the fifth character who is Go's semi-friend. The story is in Go's perspective with occasional glimpses into Caroline's head, who is probably the worst off of all the characters, although it is never fair to rate grief, but she is handling it the worst, no big surprise there. As Go decides to visit the museum exibit of Bus 21 rebuilt she goes on a road trip or Vadering with the survivors and Becky as they all share their secrets and guilt because they all feel as if it is their own faults about what happened that day. This book made me snap and cheer our loud as quiet as I could at two in the morning with someone sleeping in the room next to me. I do not believe I woke them up. This book made my heart race and me yell at the character I was mad at but in the end there was forgiveness. All of the characters were real, none were evil, except for the bomber, but he was still a person. Simon was not a fictionalized bad guy but someone who was nice one minute and not the next, an abuser, and we were not supposed to think of a good side to him because he was cruel and we were not supposed to sympathize with him. This was not that book but we did see that he was not just mean but a round character in his own right. That was incredibly powerful. I also found the mention of the LGBTQ+ characters great and pure and especially the fact that there was also Bi representation very important because it isn't all that common without it being the main issue of the book. I also appreciated dearly the female relationships that were platonic. I like how girls could hug and cuddle and just rest forehead to forehead and no one questioned if they were dating or made fun of them for being soft. I think that although there are many different types of girls who prefer different levels of affection, that the representation where girls just platonically are very close and lean on each other and hug is very important without it being confused with them dating. This book was truly an amazing representation of guilt and grief and how it can tear you apart and how you can put yourself back together again. It is not a simple, oh I like this person so I'm over my trauma, or oh I took a little trip to my grandparents and now I'm all better. That is not trauma! (Did that exclamation point make my last point audible to the people in the back because I hope so and those tropes are so tired are should stop.) This book showed trauma. It showed how things don't get better in a day or in a certain amount of time. It showed that healing and forgiving yourself is hard and not a quick process. This book showed it's okay to cry and break down because those who love you will be there to pick you up. Other authors (especially some I have previously read) should take notes on how grief should be written because it wasn't beautiful. Grief is not beautiful or aesthetic but messy and we need that in literature. This book, much like all other Courtney C. Stevens books made me feel drained in the best way possible and it helped me deal with a sadness I am currently working through and so thank you for this gift. This book stole my heart as all other book by her do. Thank you so much for this contribution into the world of literature.

Quick Summary: One year after a New York City bus bombing, that left 19 dead the four lone survivors reconnect with one another and themselves. Their pilgrimage takes them up the east coast towards an art installation created from the wreckage from the explosion. Each survivor has been affected differently, but together they begin to finally heal. Lemme tell you my favorite character first, without her you wouldn't have a book (certainly not a good one anyway). That character is Becky. Becky Cable. I loved her from the first page we meet her. She is not one of the survivors. She is the awesome girl who befriends Go (MC) even though Golden has never been that involved before. As Becky says Go only cares about two things: her camera/photos and her boyfriend. Those are the two asses she's always stuck up. But early on we start to see the tension between Go and her boyfriend and between those cracks we're rewarded with the magic that is Becky. Our MC, Go and her boyfriend (I use this term ever so loosely) live in a Commune called the Hive. But it's not one of those cults (I also use that word loosely) where if you leave the community you can never come back. Honestly it took a lot for my head to wrap around the idea of the Hive and it NOT being the super strict you can't leave story. I guess think of it as a really big family who shares everything with one another (but not in a sister wives way). I'm explaining this poorly. Moving on. The book is told between Go's current POV and past POV's from Caroline (another survivor). Caroline's chapters eventually turn into present moments. It sounds confusing but it's actually done really well. You see, we see what's happening before the bombing through Caroline because she was the reluctant girlfriend of the bomber. I probably should have started with that. With Caroline we not only get a backstory on her but the royally messed up relationship she was in. Then we get the events leading up the bombing, the actual bombing and the aftermath that Caroline has faced herself. I won't get into spoilers but I probably wouldn't have enjoyed this book as much without Caroline's POV chapters. Though some are very short, they are incredibly significant to the entire novel.Caroline herself is a little tricker. She's definitely the most angry out of our group. Also perhaps the most damaged; not that they all haven't been effected but hers feels the most aggressive. She is aggressive. But she's also wonderful. The friendship and relationship she forms with Becky, though some might say were too fast (insta love) and therefore unbelievable are in fact actually pretty great. I believed it. Side note: I also liked how the chapters themselves were set up; not just with a title but with a number count. Though the book does have a bit of a love triangle thing happening, so much else is happening too that I didn't find it annoying or excessive. I think each of the survivors memories and how they choose to cope with the aftermath covers up the triangle a little bit. The individual contributions from our characters leading up to the bombing is really interesting. Of course everyone feels like it's their fault, but it's what we actually learn about each person and why they think that that makes this book so astonishing in the end. Like Chan🤯There are some hard micro-moments in this book. Even harder paragraphs and those are the ones that made me stop and reread them. Those are the powerful ones. Recently I mentioned that endings matter to. my friend Dave. A ending can completely make or break a book for me. It can determine a whole star in a review. This book doesn't neatly tie up every loose end for us, but rather gives us enough information to strongly believe how some of those ends truly go. And where I would have liked to have read a few more final words about Becky and Caroline's relationship, or about a Bandit perhaps all is forgiven for the final sentence of the book. It's a little eye roll-ish, but it works so well. Four Stars.