If Only I Could Tell You audiobook

5 stars to the writing, story development, pacing3 stars to the characters Lily and JessSo final decision: 4 heart-breaking, tear jerker, emotionally heavy, poignant, memorable, dysfunctional stars!As a start trying to read this book and facing with my own skeletons in the closet were the toughest tasks I lately endured. I guess all the women readers had shaken tremendously as soon as they start flipping pages because every one of us are mothers, sisters, daughters, nieces, granddaughters and when it comes to connect with the same gender, your emotions always speak louder your rational thoughts. Sometimes you may reject to accept each other’s differences or opinions, perspectives, choices which could cause big dramas, insurmountable, devastating consequences in your lives. So “communication” or “trying your best” to “listen” to the others are our keywords to make peace with your own family.Beckerman chose a really compelling and challenging subject: a broken, battered relationship between sisters and big secret that can change all the balances in the family. Lily seems like she is having all with her successful career, beautiful daughter and supporting husband. On the other hand, Jess is still struggling in her life, trying to raise her kid by herself and working at demanding TV show as local manager. Two sisters’ opinions, decisions, preferences about life are so different. And now their mother Audrey is dying and her last wish is bringing back her daughters together for reconciling.But of course: After I read two sisters who haven’t been talking each other for a long time and affecting their own children to alienate with each other made me really pissed off. So many times, I just wanted to buy a megaphone and shouted at their ears with maximum volume: “Stop acting childish and start to use real words to communicate!”So many readers mentioned this book as unputdownable, fast pacing, addictive reading. I truly loved the author’s amazing, emotional words cut through my heart and made me bleed. But I have to say this is one of my hardest readings and I was about to put down this book and take too many long breaths to calm myself down. You know the feeling as the walls come tumbling down and all the pieces inside of you start to crumble slowly, that’s what this book made me feel like. Of course it’s hard to write something objective because when you deal too many losses and family dramas in your life, there are two options: you became stressful person who hate everybody or you became sarcastic screenwriter who likes to tease with the hand life dealt for her and restrain your urge to slap all those meaningless, obnoxious fictional characters. So you already what I chose! Yes hating people:))Sometimes miscarriage, suicide, fatal illness, dysfunctional family issues were like six octopus arms attacking to my neck to suffocate me! I had a powerful urge to throw my kindle against the wall and start to sprint out of the house, meet my husband and my friends at my favorite all you can sushi place and devour them till I suffer from mercury poisoning and drink several sake shots to get rid of the bad mood the book gave me.But later I realized I acted immature spoiled brats like these sisters did. So I grabbed my book and resumed reading. After all the teasing part about the real matter, Pandora’s box opened slowly and big revelation punched me in the face. Did I expect this? Partly but this is more intense than what I foresaw.Writing is impeccable, heart wrenching, emotional, poignant, realistic, genuine, resembling Jodi Picoult’s writing style but all those heavy feelings I had to deal and all those ugly cries I had were really exhausting, shaking experience for me.Did I like the book? Definitely yes, it is impossible not to admire the writer’s talent and her approach to those pure emotional, sensitive subjects but if you have dysfunctional relationship or suffering from sudden losses, fatal illnesses in your family, prepare yourself to face with those hurt feelings one more time. This book literally can bleed you, make you sob till you get breathless and make you cry till no tears left to spill.I know this book recommended by Marian Keyes which is one of my favorite Irish authors which made me remind of rereading “Rachel’s Holiday” and “Anybody Out There” two more times. But I think I’ll do that at least two weeks later because right now I’m one of emotional victims of this author and for recovery I should binge watch “Office” and “It’s always sunny in Philadelphia” episodes over and over again.Special thanks to NetGalley and Harper Collins Publishers to share this heart wrenching, emotional ARC COPY with me in exchange my honest review.

Hannah Beckerman has written a supremely emotional story, seriously this book should come with a box of Kleenex! This book did not break my heart it tore it out of my chest, chewed it up, spit it out, stomped on it a couple times and then slammed it against the wall! When I finish the book I dried my tears, took a deep breath, and just sat there quietly and thought. It is days later now and I’m still thinking about it. This book was a poignant look at one family’s journey to healing. Sisters Lily and Jess have been estranged for over 30 years, something happened all those decades ago and one sister is not able to forgive the other. Their mother Audrey is now ill and wants to find a way for her daughters to reconnect, she has two 17-year-old granddaughters who don’t even know each other. But after decades of secrets and hurt will these sisters even be able to be in the same room? I’m going to be honest I have no idea if I liked this book or not? It moved me and had a profound effect on me, but it was brutal! This is really a book that begs to be discussed, so if you have read this, please message me, I still have so many questions. I still cannot understand why Audrey just didn’t force the issue and have her daughters talk things out? I cannot imagine I’d allow my kids not to speak to one another for 30 years? This was a family that had gone through so much tragedy they really would have benefited from the support of one another and probably some good therapy. Miss Beckermen’s evocative storytelling was simultaneously beautiful and agonizing. Life is hard and this book does not pull any punches. I don’t usually add trigger warnings but this book deals with a lot of serious issues including illness, miscarriage, and suicide.This book in emojis: 💔 👩‍👧‍👧 🤔 😭 *** A big thanks to William Morrow for my copy of this book ***

Oh, how I love an emotional story of family. Audrey’s Family is a mess. Her daughters, Jess and Lily, no longer speak to each other, and her granddaughters have never met.There’s a secret that divides the family, but it’s also a loosely-tied tether that connects them.Will this broken family ever reconnect?If Only I Could Tell You is an authentic, sad, somber, and genuine story of sisterhood in all its rawness. Audrey is ill, and she needs the support of both daughters. Will Jess and Lily come together for the sake of their mother? There’s so much depth I felt like I was reading a memoir and not a work of contemporary fiction. This is definitely a book that requires a box of tissues. If Only I Could Tell You is a relatable, well-written story, one that is memorable, and the author keeps the tension building as she slowly reveals the secret that tore this family apart. Highly recommended for fans of powerful reads and stories of family.Many of my reviews can also be found on my blog: www.jennifertarheelreader.com

This is one of the saddest books I’ve ever read. It actually made me feel psychically depressed at times while reading this. This is a contemporary story that follows this mother Audrey, and her adult daughters Jess and Lily don’t speak to each other and their teenage daughters have never met, all because of this secret that happened when they were children. You spend the story trying to figure out what happened to their family, and along the way you get your heart broken into pieces. This book is being compared to one of my favorite tv shows This Is Us and I can honestly see why - it’s a family drama that makes you cry your eyes out. I will warn you though that this book has some very triggering things in it like: (view spoiler)[suicide, cancer/serious illness, grief, miscarriage (hide spoiler)] many many things. This book was not easy to read, at times it felt so heavy on my heart I wasn’t sure if I could continue reading - it made my stomach upset. But wow, this is one hell of a story. The only reason I knocked off a star is because the writing kind of got repetitive to me at times, every time the author wanted to write a flashback scene - there would be a chapter before of the character doing something irrelevant and then something reminds them of said flashback and then we go into it - and it just felt like filler to me and got annoying and repetitive. I know that’s super nit-picky but it bothered me. I also found some of the story to be a bit predictable, but there were also many things that I was shocked by. (view spoiler)[I was really surprised when we find out about Zoe, the third daughter of Audrey’s. I didn’t see that coming at all and I was shocked!!! I thought it was such a clever way of storytelling. (hide spoiler)]The ending of this book made me cry, but what a great ending wow. I don’t think this book could have ended any other way it was *chefs kiss* perfect. After I read the final words I kind of just stared at the wall and cried for five minutes. This book is great, but it’s also soooo heavy and emotional, but if you’re looking for something like that that’ll make your heart hurt, I highly recommend.

A very intriguing start. Sisters Jess and Lily are getting ready for school when Lily goes into the spare room which she was asked not to. We don’t know what she sees but it causes the sisters to be estranged for years to come. I’m so pleased, I had thought I had this all worked out and I was so wrong!!We then move forwards 28 years and Audrey is moving into her daughter Jess’s house as she is dying. Audrey’s last wish would be for her daughters to be reconciled. But can it be fixed? The title “ If only I could tell you” was so apt. Imagine thinking you saw something, you keep it a secret only to find out that you had misconstrued it. A secret that has affected the whole family with heartbreaking consequences.For me reading this was an emotional ride, it is so beautifully and compassionately written that it will capture you’re heart and attention from start to finish. Definitely read this with the tissues nearby, you made me laugh and you made me cry, you also made me think about siblings that I have not been in touch with for a while and how life is too short, so grab life with both hands and enjoy it!!This book incorporates so much, grief, loss, friendship, love, basically it has more highs and lows than a rollercoaster but is not all doom and gloom. The tension is kept throughout the book to the end which is finished off in a believable and compassionate way.A must read , but make sure you have a few hours to spare as you will not want to put this book down.I rate this book 10 out of 10Looking forward to Hannah Beckerman’s next book. Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for a review.

If Only I Could Tell YouI want to thank the publisher Williammorror for sending me a review copy of 'IfOnly I Could Tell You'.I enjoyed the book so much and my personal rate is 5/5 stars!I love reading books that have a total different kind of ending of what you think you like then you get to read a whole different story that you end to like it even more!The creativity the author has written is so beautiful and warm! The quote that it tore me that I can't go without writting it is "If I could have given my life for you, I would"And only with that quote this book entered in my heart! The story is written in a way where the reader gets into the perception of three main characters Lily and Jess (sisters) and their mother Audrey.Beckerman has written an astonishing, remarkable book that I will for sure recommend to anyone I see reader or non reader this will be the book that I'm proud I read and to recommend it to someone.The level the author has written where it reaches to the emotions of these characters in the book and in the way of how we grab those emotions in or out of the book and our life is Astounding.This is not a sugar coating story, the story is followed by the events that have happened or happening in our world and it's not easy to read such a powerful story of miscarriage or suicide or depression.These issues that the author has written are powerful and as readers or just as a person thag we know these issues it's not good to hide them from others but to start talking and finding solutions because everyone is worth!Beckerman has written a challenging book on the way of how we accept it as readers, I could not put the book down! I read it really quick because you just want to know more and more about these characters.You can easily say that the author has great talent on writting for many issurs that not everyone can write about. This is the sample of the book if you want to read a short part:Audrey's family has fallen apart. Her two grown-up daughters, Jess and Lily, are estranged, and her two teenage granddaughters have never been allowed to meet. A secret that echoes back thirty years has splintered the family in two, but is also the one thing keeping them connected.As tensions reach breaking point, the irrevocable choice that one of them made all those years ago is about to surface. After years of secrets and silence, how can one broken family find their way back to each other?

5 ☆ “If Only I Could Tell You” is an engaging, emotionally charged, heartbreaking novel of how one family of women live in sadness, confusion and bitterness based off each owns recollections of their family’s past, disturbing secrets, and the construed perceptions of a child.Mother Audrey, has stage four cancer and a few short months left, she’s devastated her daughters have a decades old rift with each other, Jess still won’t speak or even be in the same room with her sister Lily. Her one wish is to heal her family before she dies. Told in each character’s own perspectives, Audrey, Jess and Lily, 1969 to the events of June 1988 that rocked their once close-knit peaceful family, to the present. Their journey has many incredible twists and one moral dilemma at the heart of the book I would not have believed if Lily hadn’t of seen it for herself. Not what I was expecting. I was floored by it and had to sit the book down for a bit!Hannah Beckerman has written a compelling and absorbing debut novel that I can’t recommend enough. Outstanding. I received an e-copy from NetGalley and the publisher in return for my honest review.

I should not have started this book before bedtime because then bedtime ended up being 4am with an alarm set so I could wake up and immediately finish reading this. This book covers so much: Family, friendship, love, loos, grief and honesty. I really didn't know which direction this book was going to turn in next, there is just so much depth and so many hidden messages throughout the novel. I loved the family featured in the novel. Audrey is mother to Lily and Jess and grandmother to Mia (Jess's daughter) and Phoebe (Lily's daughter). I love the fact that Audrey's pattern of two daughters is repeated with her having two granddaughters. They live so close to each other and yet are so far apart in so many ways. Although Audrey is the lynch pin of the story, the majority of the time we either see things from Jess's perspective or Lily's but we do sometimes have an Audrey narrative as well, just to add another layer to the events that unfold. There is so much grief and loss in this novel in so many different ways and I love the fact that this author shows how loss can affect people so differently and in just so many ways that may not become clear until a long while after the fact. We know that it can affect life choices and either bring people together or drive them apart. And then there is the loss that we can experience even when nobody has died, the loss that we experience through rifts in families or marriages and all of this is explored so tenderly and so beautifully in this novel. I expected to cry a lot but I didn't because I was marvelling at the clever way Hannah Beckerman has woven this novel with its layers and its mirroring of feelings and events, it really is a spectacle. I loved the setting of this story with so much of it taking place in one corner of London. It was easy to picture and easy to imagine these characters placed in that setting. There definitely is a care warning for grief and loss in this novel so make sure you are in the right place to do so before picking this one up. These characters became very real to me as I was reading, their lives and their unique perspective of themselves and each other and I imagine that they will stay with me for a while to come. This is a beautiful novel so full of real life and so full of loss but in a very tender and sympathetic way. I definitely recommend adding this one to you TBR now.

Hannah Beckerman’s book, If I Could Only Tell You, tells a truly beautiful but sad story that is poignant yet a brutally emotional story.It’s a type of story that will require some tissues because if a few tears aren’t shed over this story, then you’ve missed the meaning of this emotionally heartbreaking novel.Cancer is cutting short the life of Audrey, mother to Lily and Jess. Audrey’s only wish before she dies is to reunite her two estranged daughters.Jess blames Lily for something that happened over thirty years ago and will never forgive her. Now adults with separate lives and each having their own daughters, Audrey hopes that she has the strength to help her two daughters find forgiveness and love again.There are so many tragic turns to this story that will rock you to the core. Hannah Beckerman’s story is both beautiful and harsh at the same time. Life isn’t all a bed of roses and families have secrets along with things that they aren’t always proud of. Her story shows that families aren’t without fault, confusion, bitterness, estrangement but also love, hope and forgiveness. Hannah Beckerman has written a real and genuine novel that will evoke real emotion and profound gratitude.I received an advance copy of this book from NetGalley. #NetGalley #IfICouldOnlyTellYou

It is with a heart laden with sadness and eyes soaked in tears, I write this difficult review. If you ever want to read a book which makes you cry - read thisIf you ever want to feel deep melancholy - read thisIf you ever want to feel a mother's love - read thisIf you ever want to feel sisters hate for 28 years - read thisIf you ever want to see sisters bonding - read thisIf you ever want to read about family and strength - read this. A dying mother and estranged sisters due to a misunderstanding 28 years ago caused the family to break apart. A beautiful, poignant book by Hannah Beckerman, depicted the sisters, Tess and Lily, connected by grief and anger, each going through life missing the other, with the mother Audrey caught in between. Till she was diagnosed to have a few months to live and wanting her two daughters become sisters again was her only wish. Hannah's writing made the scenes come alive, sadness was palpable in the depth of emotions. One moment of misinterpretation by a 10 year old child caused ripples in time and behavior. The story showed the lives of all the 3 women with shuffled timelines casting glimpses like the lens of a viewfinder as they grow up, from their dreams to their realities, from their hopes to their sorrows, from their anger to their knowledge. The last few chapters had its shocking tale to narrate, but I understood the decisions taken by them. Each was right, but they were all so wrong. This book had me crying and breaking down at many points. It was a tough read.

OMG I loved this book. There aren’t many books that I start reading and by chapter 3 I can’t stop thinking about the characters but If Only I Could Tell You is definitely one of them.This book covers everything you need for a heart-warming, heart-breaking story. Family, friendship, love, guilt, lies, grief, honesty, deception, bravery, acceptance and fear.The story revolves around Audrey, a mother to 2 grown up women Jess and Lily, each with a daughter of their own. However Jess and Lily haven’t spoken in over 30 years and the family are in literally in pieces. Audrey’s final wish is to reunite her daughters and heal the rift before it’s too late.If Only I Could Tell You is narrated through Audrey, Jess and Lily and it’s impossible not to feel and care about these wonderful characters. This is a moving and emotional story that will tug at your heart strings.

Hannah Beckerman’s book, If I Could Only Tell You, tells a truly beautiful but sad story that is poignant yet a brutally emotional story.It’s a type of story that will require some tissues because if a few tears aren’t shed over this story, then you’ve missed the meaning of this emotionally heartbreaking novel.Cancer is cutting short the life of Audrey, mother to Lily and Jess. Audrey’s only wish before she dies is to reunite her two estranged daughters.Jess blames Lily for something that happened over thirty years ago and will never forgive her. Now adults with separate lives and each having their own daughters, Audrey hopes that she has the strength to help her two daughters find forgiveness and love again.There are so many tragic turns to this story that will rock you to the core. Hannah Beckerman’s story is both beautiful and harsh at the same time. Life isn’t all a bed of roses and families have secrets along with things that they aren’t always proud of. Her story shows that families aren’t without fault, confusion, bitterness, estrangement but also love, hope and forgiveness. Hannah Beckerman has written a real and genuine novel that will evoke real emotion and profound gratitude.I received an advance copy of this book from NetGalley. #NetGalley #IfICouldOnlyTellYou

Audrey has two daughters, Lily and Jess who have not spoken to each other for years. Lily and Jess have two daughters close in age but now teenagers, the cousins, Phoebe and Mia, a have never been allowed to meet and get to know each other. An event from the past and a secret held has shattered this family. After her recent diagnose Audrey knows time is running out for her. She is determined to try and bring her daughters together before she dies. Is it possible to heal the hurts of the past? Especially when she has no idea what initially caused the seismic chasm between Jess and Lily.The story starts in 1988 with the event that shatters the relationship between the two sisters. What could have possibly happened? It is only as the story moves into 2016 and back again to other events in the past that the full extent of what happened on that Thursday morning is revealed. More than one secret emerges over the time. The characters are well developed if not always likeable. The events that transpire may raise thought provoking issues for the reader. It is an emotionally charged story with a lot f tragedy. And to fully take in the story the reader will need to believe that a ten year old would keep a shocking secret to herself over thirty years. If you accept that, then the rest of the story flows on from that. I really liked the inclusion of the choir Audrey auditions for and Ben, the choirmaster, is a lovely character. I related to Audrey not being able to read music and picking up songs by ear.A story about family, secrets, misconceptions, expectations, loss and grief there is a lot happening in this novel. Perhaps too much? I found it highly readable and the story involving, though towards the end I did have a couple of things that didn’t sit comfortably with me. Maybe just a little too neatly tied up? But still a very good read and I would be interested to read another book by this author. She conveys character, situation and emotions well. All in all, an engaging, emotionally charged read.

Who is ready to cry? Sometimes you just need that one book that has all the feels. Well I have found it If Only I Could Tell You is that book of 2019.They say this is for fans of This Is Us but I am here to tell you it is much better than This Is Us.The sisters have a secret. One that has torn them a part for many years. Want me to tell you the secret? Well it all started when one of the sisters was 10 years old. Wait I can't tell you the secret you have to get your own copy and find out what started the whole mess.I gave this book 4 stars and I highly recommend it.The Mary Reader received this book from the publisher for review. A favorable review was not required and all views expressed are our own.

After finding out she has terminal cancer, Audrey, more than ever, wants her daughters to rebuild their relationship after becoming estranged 28 years previous.Lily, still does not know the reason Jess hates her. Bridges need to be built but Jess is adamant Lily is to blame for their sisters death and their fathers suicide. Have your tissues at the ready. I definitely recommend this book. 4.5*