The Power of the Other audiobook

Well, the author tried to go into energy relationship research, thought didn't quite fo that far in order not to sound too new-Agey. Still, a bright read.Q:The relationship must provide very specific functions and very specific energy; it must deliver very specific constructive experiences and encode very specific information within the brains of those in the relationship. The right kinds of relationships wire us for resilience and success. (c)Q:getting better is not about just ‘willing’ better performance. It’s about becoming someone who performs better, and performs differently. It’s about changing the equipment.” (c)Q:Jack Welch is known for injecting this learning energy into GE. I interviewed him once at Leadercast and asked him about this. He said that he spent more than half his time at GE teaching leadership! (c) J.Welch? GE? Ahem... Was this supposed to be a success story?Q:“I want him to connect with me more,” she said. “I don’t feel that connected to him.”“That’s not good,” I said. “What have you done about it?”“I told him.”“Told him what?”“I told him I wanted him to connect with me more.”“You did what? You actually said that to a guy? That you wanted him to ‘connect more’?”...The problem is that when someone is not doing something, it’s probably because they don’t know how. So to just tell them about the result you want doesn’t help them. What if you said, ‘I’d like it if after work we could get together a few evenings a week and take a walk . . . undistracted, and just catch up and share what happened during the day, or how each other is doing.’ I bet if he cares he’d say, ‘Sure, I’d love to.’” (с)Q:

3.5 stars...I had to remove the cover from this book given the "bedroom" reference made it somewhat inappropriate to read at work; the bedroom and boardroom should never be mentioned together. I feel it was an omen to the author's desire to lure in readership as he self promoted his other books relentlessly. As for the material, there were some great points made for new and experienced managers and leaders. This book forces leaders to accept their current corner and challenges all to work towards Corner 4.

Henry Cloud, The Power of the Other: The Startling Effect Other People Have on You, from the Boardroom to the Bedroom and Beyond—and What to Do About It (New York: Harper Business, 2016).Leaders often say, “It’s lonely at the top.” That’s true, of course—at least to an extent—but it’s also tragic. Leadership doesn’t have to be lonely.In fact, as Dr. Henry Cloud argues in The Power of the Other, success depends on relationship. “The undeniable reality,” he writes, “is that how well you do in life and in business depends not only on what you do and how you do it, your skills and competencies, but also on who is doing it with you or to you” (emphasis in original).But not just any relationship! What leaders need is “specific qualitiative relational connectedness” (emphasis in original). This is what Cloud calls “True Connection” or “Corner Four relationship.”In Corner One relationships, leaders feel “disconnected.” He writes: “True connection always means being emotionally and functionally invested in other people, in a give-and-receive dynamic. Disconnection lacks something, in one direction or the other—either in the giving or the receiving. Truly connected people do both. They are emotionally present and able to give and to receive.”In Corner Two relationships, leaders have “a bad connection.” They experience a “connection, preoccupation, or pull toward a person who has the effect of making you feel bad or ‘not good enough’ in some way” (emphasis in original). Think of a son trying to gain the respect of a hypercritical dad or an employee trying to please a boss who rarely praises employees.In Corner Three relationships, leaders form a “seductively false ‘good connection.’” In this corner, leaders gravitate toward relationships that make them feel good. They cultivate people who flatter and praise them but overlook people in the organization who bear bad news. People in high-stress jobs who live in Corner Three often find themselves engaging in extramarital affairs or using addictive substances to maintain an artificial “high.”None of these corners is a good place to be. Leaders need to go to Corner Four. Here, leaders form a “real connection” with others, “one in which you can be your whole self, the real, authentic you, a relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind, soul, and passion. Both parties to the relationship are wholly present, known, understood, and mutually invested. What each truly thinks, feels, believes, fears, and needs can be shared safely.”In contemporary parlance, authenticity is often interpreted in non-relational terms. “I gotta be me!” people exclaim. The problem is that this understanding of authenticity is individualistic, not relational. “I gotta be me” is often used to slough off or criticize the counsel others are trying to give us. That’s not what Corner Four looks like.Instead, Cloud identifies eight characteristics of Corner Four relationships. True connection: fuels, gives freedom, requires responsibility, defangs failure, challenges and pushes, builds structure, unites instead of divides, and is trustworthy. When we truly connect with others, they help us draw out the full potential of who we really are and what we can truly be. Relationship makes authenticity possible.Cloud opens the book with a story that I’ll close with. It’s about “Hell Week,” the final week of training for Navy SEALs. That week is “a grueling exercise requiring the utmost physical and mental endurance, pushing these already-at-the-top specimens to their absolute limits.” Cloud’s brother-in-law Mark was a Navy SEAL who was later killed in Iraq. In the days after Mark’s death, Bryce, one of Mark’s fellow SEALs told, how he almost failed “Hell Week.”He was swimming in the cold Pacific Ocean after a week of grueling training. A way from the shore, he “hit the wall.” Cloud comments, “He tried to will himself to keep going, but his body would not obey.” It was at that moment that Bryce looked up and saw Mark, who had already reached land. Mark caught his eye, gave him a fist pump, and yelled an encouraging, “You can do it!” And that was all Bryce needed. “His body jumped into another gear,” Cloud writes, “into another dimension of performance that he had not had access to before…That is the ‘power of the other.’”To be one’s true self, to reach one’s full potential—whether as a leader, a spouse, a parent, or whatever—you and I need others. Authenticity requires relationship. That’s what The Power of the Other is all about.I recommend the book highly._____P.S. This review first appeared at InfluenceMagazine.com.P.S. If you found my review helpful, please vote “Yes” on my Amazon review page.

The Power of the Other hit many points in both relationships and the workplace spot on! There were many situations outlined in the book that I imagined scenarios from personal work experience. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who wants to take their emotional intelligence, social skills, or leadership skills to a higher level. A few strong discussions you can get out of this book:‣ Self and other - We can't truly change other people, they have to decide to change themselves.‣ Help build others up (Giving constructive reality-based feedback with care, honesty, and with a willingness to help someone improve.‣ Eliminate triangulation (The negative effects of gossip and drama) ‣ Trust (Build true connections) - Be someone who people can trust. When we feel that people want the best for us, we invest in them. This is the best motive for building up respect, understanding, and motivation in teams.If you have interest in how you can make a positive impact on others, pick up this book now! I'd also recommend it to leaders looking to make improvements and create a happier existence in the workplace. If a group of people all read this, worked together, and practiced the advice given, all I can think about is how much better and uplifting their environment would be.

It wasn't until I'd read 2/3 of the book that I understood why he was revisiting all this material on how to get along with your team. He hates all the psychological slogans that encourage people to "find the power within," change your life, love yourself, talk to yourself, think positive thoughts, etc. His message is that you need good relationships to succeed in every area of life. You can't do it alone. The books outlines many ways and ideas to foster those supportive, honest relationships. Good material!

There is a reason I wanted to start my reading habit this year with a book like this: All along, we are told to focus on what WE do or we CAN do, what is upto us and in our hands and not to worry about the rest. This is a perfectly sensible thing to do and I believed it with all my heart. However, something that happened in my life last year shook this very belief catching by its collar. I sure had given my best, and it was a cumulative effort from over a couple of years and therefore I was certain I made the cut, but the truth is, I fell short. This came as a shock to me and I was speechless! ( Ironically, I work in speech synthesis !!). I just couldn't digest the fact that sometimes even if we give our 100%, it is not going to be enough. However, I succeeded, after I myself actually gave up, just because of someone else. I did know various versions of the quote “Want something badly and the universe will get it to you” but I never seriously thought scientifically about it. I wanted to understand this in a more philosophical as well as methodical way and this book caught my attention. This book is a deep dive on the influence our relationships have on our performance, and the author explains the intricacies using stories from his own experience in a manner easy to comprehend. He also covers various assumptions we make and tries to explain why they might not be ideal.Author starts this book with a story similar to the one I experienced, but at a whole different level, a story of navy SEALs where a certain officer gives and exhausts all his energy into a test and still is about to fail, but manages to succeed and does it in a remarkable fashion because his body and senses go to a next level when one of his colleagues does a small encouraging gesture. This is the power of the other that the author mentions and explores the same throughout. In another story, the author clearly mentions the pitfall most of us, and certainly me, get into. It is about a man who messes his life up, realizes it and then makes a plan to get back on track. He puts up strict actions for this, in form of meditation, spending more time with family,etc all of which seem really the needed ingredients. The author here mentions that while these actions need to be done, all of these are the ones ‘needed to be done by himself’. In other words, he is the single warrior sort of in all these actions. The problem, author says, is that actions themselves have led him to mess his life in the first place and therefore, instead of doing all the heavy lifting himself, he should try to take the help of others. Otherwise, he will soon get bored/succumed and go back to his messing up pattern. ( May be this is seen with people on weight watch?)Author speaks about four corners in relationships, explains each one of them in great detail through examples and elucidates how if we are not cognizant, keep falling into vicious circles with three of them: loneliness, bad relationship and the one based on false praising. I could relate to some of the times I was in one of the corners and I found this really useful. He then elaborates further on what the fourth relationship corner looks like and how we can take full advantage of such relationships. Overall, this was a very fabulous read an I have done a lot of underlining and highlighting which I plan to revisit periodically. I did feel it a bit repititive at times, hence 4 rating.

Dr. Cloud takes aim and sinks the putt once again with his latest book, "The Power of the Other"! This book provides a deeper and richer understanding of not only how "The Power of the Other" impacts us, but how we impact others in relationships. In this book, you will learn about the four corners of relationship and how to reach the ultimate - four corner relationship status. This is where we all experience the best of relationships whether in our family, friend or work relationships. "The Power of the Other" invites the reader to dig deeper and connect more. A great read that is both engaging and informative.

Henry Cloud is one of my top 5 authors. Ever. His insights are so clarifying, almost stunning. And his practical approach to applying those insights is so helpful. I highly recommend this book, to get to Corner 4 connections with more people in your life, where you not only support each other, but hold each other accountable to being your highest version of yourselves. His theory is that no one can do it alone - we all need Corner 4 connections. I agree.

I love reading Dr. Henry Cloud!

You cannot go where you want to go without the other in your life. Not just any "other" rather someone who helps you achieve your goals. No Lone Ranger ever did anything amazing.

Cloud is the best! He again nails it in this book. His thesis is simple: Only through relationships with others can we grow, mature and conquer the obstacles life throws at us. He uses a model of 4 corners: three dysfunctional ways of approaching relationships, and one life giving one - the corner four relationship, one that involves grace and truth. Readable, and full of his trademark ability to bring clarity to the messy confused-ness of our inner lives.

Very insightful!Lots of what I heave learned from counselors etc is that: you are in control of your life, you make choices, and you are responsible. The power is in your hands. Yes.And.The key relationships in your life have enormous impact on you, for better or worse.This book looks at this, and how to foster these good relationships, and how to be that for other people.It's built on trust and connection and honesty and having people's back. Good book.

A practical easy read with relatable examples.

For once, a book that tells me that I don't have all the answers. I like how this book is written. That it is how I receive love that helps me love others. It's amazing how the book explains how to be active together to see each other flourish. GOD bless you Dr.

Notes: - To love yourself is not enough, it’s important to find someone who can mentor/teach you how to love others just as good a good parenting would have done. Receive love, internalise it (biologically, physiologically mentally though good connections and Modelling alike, external soothing analysed; someone pushes our limits, we learned to act differently, thinking differently) and give it to others- pay it forward- Corner four: Stop bad feelings by talking to the person directly to address the issue rather than going to the third person and seek a validation on your view. Have I shown the people I want to have four corner connection with that I truly listen and understand them. Before you invest a trust in someone ask yourself are they truly listening to you and understanding where you are coming from? Determine Intend and motive. What are they motives in this relationship? Do they have tutor back. Do they really want what’s best for you?"Lessons:1. Avoid or ditch all connections that are bad for you, fake or non-existent.2.Cultivate only those relationships, in which you can truly be yourself.3. In sincere relationships, people thrive as they can be their true selves and openly admit weaknesses. Your best relationships in life won’t solve your problems for you, but will give you the feedback you need to tackle them on your own. Your connection will give you the freedom to be who you are, do your own thing, and never judge your actions, but that also comes with the responsibility to take matters into your own hands and solve your own problems.4. Your well-being depends on your brain, your relationships and your mind. Change the story you tell yourself. 5. Meaningful, connected relationships energize us and help us thrive in everything we do.6. A person with whom you're well-connected will offer you freedom and valuable feedback. 7. Corner four relationships help you to accept failure and bounce back from it.8. One person’s values and beliefs in a strong relationship can shape another person’s behavior. When you're in a close relationship, you can gain insight that might reshape the way you think and behave through a process called internalisation.9. Use five criteria to assess if you can trust a person in your life: trust someone only if you're sure that person understands what's important to you; make sure the person has your best interests at heart. Does the person want the best for you?; is this person reliable; assess the person's character. Character isn't just about honesty or integrity, but also about specific character traits. Certain traits can be helpful or harmful depending on the situation;Concept: Corner one connection - no connection- alone mode;Corner two connection - bad connection- you are not good enough experience; Corner three connection- fake good connection- we go there to feel good; we medicate ourselves; its a sugar high mode;It’s this kind of relationship that’s the hardest to avoid, because it feels good in the short run, but is toxic long term. An affair or drinking buddy would be a good example.Corner four connection- right connection - this where we get fuelled;Summary:Your health and happiness depend largely on the relationships in your life. So do your best to avoid non-connections, bad connections and fake connections. Strive to make real connections that nurture you, help you overcome challenges and improve as a person. Choose wisely when placing your trust in people. Relationships can change your thoughts and behavior, so forge them only with people who are right for you.

In The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it, Psychologist and author Dr. Henry Cloud write about the power of association – the power that someone else, not you, has in your life of performance, achievement, and well-being.“human performance requires fuel from relationship. But, the booster engine is not the rocket. The support is not the performance.”Womb to the TombRelationship affects our physical and mental functioning throughout life. This invisible power, the power of the other, builds both the hardware and the software that leads to healthy functioning and better performance.“Ask many people about their greatest accomplishments and challenges overcome, and you will find one thing in common: there was someone on the other end who made it possible.”The Power of WhoBoth your best and worst seasons were not just about the market or the business cycle, or even your own skills. Your best and worst seasons were also about who was in that season with you. Either for good or bad. It was not just about you. It was about the others who were playing a big part in whom you were becoming and how you were doing.The undeniable reality is that how well you do in life and in business depends not only on what you do and how you do it, your skills and competencies, but also on who is doing it with you or to you.THE SCIENCE OF CONNECTION”Science confirms that getting to the next level is 100 percent dependent on relationship. But . . . the relationship must be the right kind of relationship, more than just hanging out with pals. The relationship must provide very specific functions and very specific energy; it must deliver very specific constructive experiences and encode very specific information within the brains of those in the relationship. The right kinds of relationships wire us for resilience and success.THE FOUR CORNERS OF CONNECTIONWe are fueled from the outside, from connection with others. Whether it’s a smartphone or a human, when the system can’t make a connection, it begins to run down. This is an indisputable reality. Humans need connection, and their systems are always searching for one.While there are four different kinds of connectedness—four possible corners of our relational space—only one of them will help you thrive. The other three corners will always diminish your performance and your well-being. They can even destroy your vision, your relationships, your performance, and your health. The key is to get out of any of the other three and into the only one that works. Think of this dynamic as the geography of relationships, a map with four corners:Disconnected, No Connection2. The Bad Connection3. The Pseudo-Good Connection4. True ConnectionCORNER NUMBER ONE: DISCONNECTEDTrue connection always means being emotionally and functionally invested in other people, in a give-and-receive dynamic. Disconnection lacks something, in one direction or the other—either in the giving or the receiving. Truly connected people do both. They are emotionally present and able to give and to receive.Under disconnected leaders, decision making tends to be done in isolation, either solely by the leaders or in organizational silos that they build or foster. Sometimes disconnected leaders allow one or two people into their worlds, but usually only to act as human shields, allowing the Corner One leader to stay in a bubble. Such a shield might be a colleague, a direct report, a spouse, or anyone else who helps the leader stay disconnected from the whole, and that connection itself is usually not very healthy—mutually beneficial, they both may feel, but not healthy.CORNER NUMBER TWO: A BAD CONNECTIONCorner Number Two, the Bad Connection, is not necessarily a connection with a bad or abusive person, although it may be. Instead, it is a connection, preoccupation, or pull toward a person who has the effect of making you feel bad or “not good enough” in some way. Inferior. Defective perhaps. As though something is wrong with you. Somehow this person or persons have come to have the power in your life of making you feel bad.It could be a boss, a board member, a customer, a friend, a family member, or a direct report. They come in all sizes and shapes and affiliations. But the one common ingredient is that they have the power to make you feel bad. High expectations, perfectionism, unreasonable demands, a critical spirit, withholding of praise, shame, guilt, put-downs, silence—these are just a few of the many ways that a person like this can hook someone into feeling the Corner Number Two bad connection.No matter whether a move into Corner Two is triggered by a real person or by voices in your head, your performance suffers. You begin to take failure personally. Any bad event or result becomes proof that you are not good enough. As your confidence wanes, you find yourself smack-dab in Corner Two.CORNER NUMBER THREE: THE SEDUCTIVELY FALSE “GOOD CONNECTIONWhereas a Corner Two connection leaves you feeling bad, or not good enough in some way, in Corner Three it’s the opposite. You feel good! Sometimes really good. The positive feelings take a variety of forms: the affair, the addiction, the attachment to promotions, awards, or positive results, the next acquisition, the next big product launch, accolades from others. Food, sex, drugs, . . . a new Ferrari. It’s all an attempt to soothe the soul. The problem is that painkillers do not really cure the disease. They just ease the pain, temporarily and superficially making one feel better.Substances, awards, accolades, the approval of yes-men and sycophants, sexual acting out, indulgence in hobbies or materialism—they all have the power to make us feel good . . . for a minute. Then, we need another fix. Another good report. Another record quarter or sales number. The old problems remain, and we need one more dose. It never can really do the trick.THE REAL THINGIn the simplest terms, a real connection is one in which you can be your whole self, the real, authentic you, a relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind, soul, and passion. Both parties to the relationship are wholly present, known, understood, and mutually invested. What each truly thinks, feels, believes, fears, and needs can be shared safely.No One is Self-MadeThink about it.Henry Ford had Thomas Edison.Mark Zuckerberg was mentored by Steve Jobs.Bill Gates had Warren Buffet and Ed Roberts.Jack Nicklaus had Jack Grout.Michael Jordan had Phil Jackson.Bill Hewlett and David Packard had Frederick Terman.Sheryl Sandberg had Larry Summers.There is no such thing as a self-made man or woman. Every great leader has opened up to someone who could meet a need, whatever that might have been. The range of human needs is broad, but the way to meet those needs is very narrow: it involves humbly and honestly embracing the need and reaching out to the power of the other.” There is no other way.Corner FourCorner Four relationships don’t rescue us from hard decisions or responsibility. In business, for example, when your protégé makes a mistake the first time she leads a project and ruffles some team members’ feathers, you don’t jump in to smooth out the problems her style has caused, but you do encourage this less experienced manager to find a solution and adapt her style.